‘It does change your relationship’: Andy Lee and Bec Harding tell all about engagement

In their first interview as an engaged couple, Andy Lee and Bec Harding tell the real story behind the proposal - and the one joke that is off limits.

Across his long career as a radio and podcast host and television presenter, Andy Lee has perfected the art of asking questions.

But none has been more important than the one he posed in May, when he asked his girlfriend of 10 years, model and beauty entrepreneur Rebecca Harding, to marry him.

In their first photo shoot and interview as a newly engaged couple, they join Stellar’s podcast Something To Talk About to take us inside the big moment, banter about her shadow campaign to win him a Gold Logie – and reveal their hack for avoiding a lovers’ quarrel before a night out

Congratulations to you both on your recent engagement. It’s a big year for you – next weekend Andy is up for a Gold Logie for the fourth time. Now, I won’t ask which is more exciting – your wedding or the Logies – but which dress code is more daunting?

Rebecca Harding: Probably wedding. That’s not really in my wheelhouse.

Andy Lee: You haven’t done it too often before, have you?

Rebecca: No. Haven’t done it before. I’ve done a few Logies. I mean, Andy pretty much just wears the same suit.

Andy: Not the same suit. Someone else will sort that out for me. That’s been one of the great benefits of meeting Bec. My wardrobe has improved. She’s still pulling out T-shirts that pre-exist her. And we’ve been going out for 10 years.

Bec Harding and Andy Lee on set for Stellar. Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar

Listen to the full interview with Andy Lee and Bec Harding on Stellar’s podcast Something To Talk About:

This is your first shoot and interview together since getting engaged. The concept for the shoot was actually inspired by a conversation with Kate Langbroek on the Stellar podcast earlier this year where we talked about what I call “the glamour gap”, which is the discrepancy between a heterosexual couple in the time it takes to get ready and leave the house for a night out. Is that a familiar scenario to you?

Andy: Yes, that is a natural occurrence. But we’ve had a rule for about six, seven years that if I’m ready, I go.

Rebecca: Yeah, I’m like, please just go. Stop nagging me.

Andy: Even to the same restaurant. It saves that fight, because I also like being on time. I get to the restaurant and then 15 minutes later, Bec walks in. It’s that “wow” moment. Like, oh my gosh, she looks amazing. I recommend it. It’s such a change in dynamic for a relationship.

It’s not so great for the environment if you have to double-up on Ubers, but I do think it guarantees that you come home together, so it’s a net result. Andy, when did you decide to pop the question? Had you been sitting on that secret for a while?

Andy: Oh, I knew for a long time that I wanted to marry Bec. What’s strange about engagements is, stereotypically it’s the male [proposing]. So we know for a long time; it’s not a surprise to us.

In fact, it’s the least surprising day because you’ve spent so much time planning it. I underestimated how surprised everyone else would be – Bec, our families … as the boy, I was like, “Surely everyone assumed this would happen? We’ve been going out for years.”

I think six, maybe to eight months was when I really started thinking about it. I think I knew for years. Then getting the ring, and hoping Bec liked it – that would have been the most nerve-racking part. And getting her there on time to the actual proposal.

Rebecca: I was actually a little bit late.

Andy: A little bit? Do you remember how late you were?

Rebecca: It doesn’t matter. The important thing is, we went home together.

Andy: Over an hour Bec left me waiting. But she looked amazing when she showed up …

Rebecca: No, I actually didn’t. The dog did. I was picking up our dog from the groomer, so she’d had a beautiful blow wave. I, unfortunately, had not.

Andy said that you were surprised. What is your memory of that moment?

Rebecca: Oh, it was just happiness. It’s such a nice feeling to know someone has gone and put all of this effort into something, to ask you to spend the rest of your life with them.

I mean, we’d been dating for 10 years, so I kind of was like, maybe getting married is not for us. There was enough in our life that I knew he was serious about me.

Andy: I had a mixture of: “It’s about time” from people …

Rebecca: That’s what most people said.

Andy: And then there was the occasional: “Well, I thought you’d never do it.”

Rebecca: It’s interesting, and something I’d never really thought about, but it does change your relationship. We’ve got this new little spark. Having so many people who are important to you so happy for you is a nice little boost.

Andy: Yeah, you underestimate how happy people will be for you. I suppose there aren’t too many milestones in life that are surprising to your friends. Birthdays come around and everyone knows that they’re going to celebrate.

Rebecca: And with childbirth, you’ve got nine months.

Andy: So this is one of the few things in life that’s a genuine surprise. That natural reaction is pretty special.

After a decade together, the Melbourne-based couple recently announced their engagement. Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar

Listen to the full interview with Andy Lee and Bec Harding on Stellar’s podcast Something To Talk About:

There can be pressure and expectation from people who you’ve never even met, who have been asking you for years: when are you going to get married? When you last spoke to Stellar in 2022, Andy, you mentioned how it got to the point that if you were being trailed by paparazzi when the two of you were out together, you would sometimes even stage a fake proposal.

Andy: Turns out Bec hated that. That joke got banned, unfortunately. It was one of my favourites. Bec didn’t find it as funny. [To Rebecca] Do you find it funny now – in retrospect – that we’re engaged?

Rebecca: Oh, like a little bit.

Good thing that was on ice for a bit, Bec, so that when the real thing happened, you knew it wasn’t him trolling the media.

Rebecca: I mean, but did I? I don’t know … Andy doesn’t like being told what to do.

So in my mind, I was like, can everyone please stop pressuring him to propose? Because he’s not going to do it.

Andy: I think you’re putting too much weight on what I think of public opinion when it comes to my personal choices. Would it be fair to say that it bothered you more than it bothered me?

Rebecca: Yeah. I mean, you’ve got a few more years’ experience.

Andy: I think that’s part of it. You go, OK, this is affecting your partner. We’ve had this discussion many times, where it’s like, let’s not let other people’s behaviour dictate what we want to do.

On that topic, I’d like to get both your thoughts about being asked, “When are you going to start a family?” Stellar has a longstanding policy that we don’t ask anyone that question. Some people support it; others disagree with it. What are your thoughts about still being asked that kind of thing in 2024?

Andy: I’m fine with anyone asking me anything. It’s my choice whether I want to answer. I don’t think we should be forcing that on anyone, what they should and shouldn’t be asking or saying.

I think we’re a bit too full-on in that regard, and I think people [feeling] a pressure to answer those things is the problem far more than the actual question being asked. I love that you guys have made that decision; it just allows the question to come up so people can either follow and think about it, or not.

Because, for the most part, people don’t put that deep thinking into it. I don’t think there are clandestine motives behind people who ask tricky questions. Sometimes what came to mind is what they’re interested in.

They’re not really considering how that might make someone feel – whether they could even have children, in this particular respect. I’m less worried about people asking questions. It’s more their reaction if you don’t want to answer them that’s troublesome.

If someone says they don’t feel comfortable answering that, leave it out of your interview. I think that’s where – for lack of a better term – this idea of “wokeness”, it’s why people are rebelling against it.

Because we don’t know what to say, and we’re not giving anyone the benefit of the doubt when they come up with these types of questions.

Bec, what are your thoughts? Because most people are of course well-meaning in their curiosity, but if they don’t know what a person may be going through privately, it can be hurtful.

Rebecca: It’s exactly that. You just never know what’s going on behind the scenes. I understand what you’re saying, Andy, but I think eliminating that question is so important, because you don’t want to be bringing up those feelings for someone if they’re potentially going through that.

Andy: I agree with you, in that I don’t think it should be asked, but I also …

Rebecca: But it’s not so easy for someone who might be going through that to just be like, oh no, I don’t feel comfortable answering that question.

Andy: No, not at all.

Rebecca: It might actually bring on a whole lot of other emotion for them.

Andy: No, I agree with you. But I think we come down hard on people who just haven’t thought it through. I’ve seen people who have been cancelled, so to speak, who deserve it.

They are prying and using tougher questions to try and make people uncomfortable because there’s a bit of that culture going on – that it’s entertaining to see people squirm. But I’ve also seen people who have been cancelled or attacked where that clearly wasn’t the intention.

Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar

Andy, you co-host one of the biggest podcasts in the country (Hamish & Andy) along with your longtime collaborator Hamish Blake. I’d imagine there have been plenty of times when you’ve overshared?

Andy: Yes … Normally when I get home I get in trouble from Bec: “Why did you tell that?” I have no problem sharing pretty much everything. That can be troublesome for Bec and my friends and family at times.

But I think that’s part of the deal. I love doing the podcast. I loved doing the radio show. I love doing The Hundred [With Andy Lee, the comedy game show he hosts on the Nine Network, streaming on 9Now] because it’s got all these everyday people up on the screen and I love talking and connecting with everyday people.

The funniest stuff comes from what they share, so I want to share back. When it’s open and people can contribute, that’s where the most excitement lies and I think the show is at its best. It’s such a safe environment, and that’s what’s different. We go on our pod, and I feel really comfortable talking about anything because that’s where it sits.

The intention of the environment is really clear. It’s when people pull quotes from that to turn into a [clickbait] article that I can see the adverse effect. But it’s certainly not going to change the way that I approach it.

Bec, has Andy’s oversharing gotten easier over the course of knowing you’re with someone who has long worked in a medium where affectionate and off-the-cuff content is very resonant with many Australians?

Rebecca: It’s still a work in progress … There are times when he gets home and I’m like, did you have to share that story? But, you know, they’re funny stories that Australia loves hearing.

And it’s always in good fun. I constantly remind myself of that whenever I’m getting angry at him for telling a story.

Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar

You have spoken previously about how observing first-hand Andy’s passionate commitment to his work has made a big impression on you. Did that shape your own approach when it came to launching your business last year (Harding is the founder of razor and bodycare brand Lui)?

Rebecca: He’s taught me to push myself. I’d never even thought of launching my own business before. Being around Andy – who has a few businesses he’s working on constantly – made it feel accessible.

Being able to sort of have a front-row seat made me realise that I can do that – and anyone can do it, really, if you just apply yourself.

Andy: And you can correct me if I’m wrong, but while I’m hopefully super supportive of what Bec’s doing, I didn’t really help, particularly at the start. I just want to make it clear that you built this all on your own.

I’m a bit of a control freak – I have my ideas and drive things, and I was conscious of not doing that at the start, just to see whether Bec was actually serious about this.

Rebecca: There were times when I was like, “What is this legal document I have to sign?” And he’s like, “Google it.”

See the full cover shoot with Bec Harding and Andy Lee in Stellar on Sunday.

Hamish and Zoë (Blake is married to successful skincare founder Zoë Foster Blake) have spoken about how that kind of assumption can be dismissive of the other person’s achievement.

Rebecca: Yeah; although I do write all of Andy’s jokes, so …

Andy: Well, that is true.

I was going to ask, Bec – if Andy wins the Gold Logie next week, have you written the acceptance speech for him?

Rebecca: I have actually written the acceptance speech.

Andy: I’ll tell you what, she has been doing campaigning for me. It’s a tough thing to talk about, the Gold Logie campaigning. I don’t feel comfortable telling people to go and vote for me. It’s not in my wheelhouse.

Rebecca: It’s very much up my alley.

Andy: Every time we’re in a cafe or just paying the bill … The other day we were at a clothing store, and Bec said to the guy bagging up the T-shirt and pants I’d bought, hey, have you voted for Andy for the Gold Logie?

This is, like, the coolest hipster 20-year-old who hadn’t probably watched a TV in his life, and he’s had to kind of nod along as my PR agent over here was trying to get him to vote.

Listen to the full interview with Andy Lee and Bec Harding on Stellar’s podcast Something To Talk About. For more from Stellar, click here.

Originally published as ‘It does change your relationship’: Andy Lee and Bec Harding tell all about engagement