Dr Chris Brown pitches a new epidemiologist reality TV show
TV host and veterinarian Dr Chris Brown thinks there is only one way to get fame and followers in 2021 - and pick up a Logie while you’re at it.
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It’s time to anoint the new rock stars of the media world. If the noughties gave us TV builders and the 2010s baked us more than a dozen TV chefs, then the stars of the 2020s are surely the TV epidemiologists.
In fact, if I don’t see the nominations released shortly for the Best New Talented Epidemiologist for this year’s Logies, then I’m not going.
It’s been a meteoric rise for a profession whose purpose is thankfully much clearer than its pronunciation.
These days, a night in front of the television is as much about processing crushed foodie dreams and cliffhanger room reveals as it is riding the roller-coaster of vaccine rollouts – and our esteemed epidemiologists are playing the hosts of this enduring reality show, now in its second season.
In fact, the early casting of the mysterious AstraZeneca followed by the slow arrival of Pfizer and then the sudden appearance of a villain named Delta were pure genius. No-one would have seen that Astra would get voted out so soon and that Moderna and Novavax would arrive into the urban jungle as intruders so late into the series.
The Married At First Sight producers seriously couldn’t have played it better – if indoor gatherings weren’t so taboo, an explosive dinner party with all these characters together would surely be Logie-worthy.
While this new breed of reality stars all bring their unique style, there is one constant – no matter whether you’re a Marylouise McLaws, Catherine Bennett, Peter Collignon, Sanjaya Senanayake or Norman Swan, you are contractually obliged by UTED (the Union of Television Epidemiologists and Doctors) to have a bookcase as your Zoom backdrop.
So many books... and not one that features a guide on how to say “epidemiologist”.
Why can’t just one of them be like former prime minister Malcolm Turnbull, who dispensed with the books in favour of a blindingly colourful curtain that makes it looks like he’s conducting business from the changing rooms at the Point Piper Kathmandu outlet store?
When it comes to star power, our aficionados of infectious disease are certainly approaching the celebrity stratosphere. We’re surely not too far away from kids demanding to get dressed up as their favourite epidemiologist for Book Week and I would pay good money for a sleep-meditation app voiced by the calming tones of Marylouise McLaws.
Through a tough Australian winter, these are the reality stars we need more of in our lives. So maybe it’s time for TV networks to look at some spin-off shows.
Sure, Farmer Wants A Vaccinated Wife is optimistic given the vaccine rollout in regional areas, however trying to pick the voice behind the day’s hot Covid advice on The Masked Epidemiologist could have real cut-through. And for Australia’s most Covid-friendly sitcom, look no further than Moderna Family.
So if you want fame and followers in 2021, forget the failed marriages and lip fillers, get yourself in front of some books. Lots of books. And the Logie for the Most Outstanding Lurgy Avoidance goes to…
Dr Chris Brown is a veterinarian and television host.
Originally published as Dr Chris Brown pitches a new epidemiologist reality TV show
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