Valentine’s Day: How to date a colleague without it affecting your career

Before leaving a box of chocolates on your workmate’s desk this Valentine’s Day, experts say there are a few things to consider.

With Valentine’s Day approaching, workers around the country may be looking at their colleagues in a new light.

A SEEK survey of 400 Australians finds 24 per cent have been in a romantic relationship with a co-worker and 56 per cent believe workplace romances should be allowed.

But before leaving a box of chocolates on your workmate’s desk or locker, experts advise there are a few things to consider.

Australian HR Institute chief executive Sarah McCann-Bartlett says when colleagues become a couple, it can lead to issues from workplace gossip and speculation through to conflicts of interest and the potential for sexual harassment.

“There can also be disadvantages for the less senior employee, problems with team dynamics and discord if the relationship fails,” she says.

“Actual or perceived conflicts of interest may arise, where one person in the relationship signs off on the other’s expenses, or decides what work assignments or promotions they get.

“Workplace relationships could have a negative effect on the rest of the team, especially if there is favouritism shown or displays of intimacy in the workplace.

“Colleagues might also be concerned about confidentiality, if one of those in the relationship is the manager or supervisor.

“There might also be a perception that the couple always supports each other in workplace discussions or decisions.”

Australian HR Institute’s Sarah McCann-Bartlett says there are ways to ensure a workplace romance does not impact your career. Picture: Supplied

McCann-Bartlett says personal relationships should be declared to human resources if one person reports to the other or if either person is in a role of influence.

“This may feel awkward, especially if it’s an affair – but be conscious that word does get out,” she says.

“It’s better to be on the front foot.”

Career strategist and P2P Learning and Development Academy director Ineke McMahon recommends checking workplace policies before romancing a co-worker.

“Most Australian workplaces don’t prohibit relationships, or have a disclosure policy – but some do,” she says.

“A key case in recent history was the CEO of QBE who had $550,000 cut from his bonuses for not disclosing a romantic relationship with his executive assistant.”

McMahon says not all workplace relationships end badly though, and they can be a huge success when handled in the right way.

She says one potential upside to dating a co-worker is that the two people understand what each other is going through at work.

“If you have had a tough day and want to debrief, it’s great to talk to someone who understands the personalities and the dynamics of the workplace without having to explain each person, their role and the issue,” she says.

“The flip side of this, is that your partner may know the people and have a different opinion or take than you – so you miss out on unbiased advice.”

Career strategist Ineke McMahon says there are many upsides to dating a co-worker. Picture: Supplied

McMahon says sharing the same workplace with a partner also means a more fun commute and extra networking opportunities.

“Having a partner in a different area or team probably means that you will build stronger relationships across the organisation,” she says.

“Double the corporate profile raising for each of you!”

Place Graceville co-agents Scott Smolders and Maddison Hayward began dating when they both worked for a different real estate agency about four years ago.

“Maddi was in contracts so in a different department and office so (initially) I had only met Maddi through emails and thought she was a grumpy person because I put smiley faces on my emails and she responds with ‘OK’,” Smolders, 31, says.

“I was taken aback when I met her.

“Not long after, Maddi swapped offices so we were in the same office and she was an agent in her own right, then after a year or so we paired up as a team and last year moved as a team over to Place.”

Maddison Hayward and Scott Smolders are co-agents at Place Graceville – and also a couple. Picture: Steve Pohlner

Hayward, 26, says despite concerns from others that dating a colleague would be a bad idea, they have found it easy working together.

“We bounce off each other and know each other’s strengths and if one person needs a day to themselves we allow for that,” she says.

The biggest issue the Ipswich couple has faced is not being able to take holidays at the same time.

Smolders’ advice for anyone considering making their feelings known to a colleague this Valentine’s Day is simple: “Go for it.”

TIPS TO AVOID LETTING YOUR ROMANCE DERAIL YOUR CAREER

SOURCE: Australian HR Institute chief executive Sarah McCann-Bartlett

1 At the beginning of the relationship, talk to each other about what issues might arise and how you might deal with them. If you are in a small organisation, consider it may be best for one to leave.

2 Let HR or your manager know about the relationship. They can help you avoid potential conflicts of interest and give you useful advice on managing your relationship while at work.

3 If the relationship is between you and your manager or vice versa, you must let HR and leadership know so they can find a fair way to change your reporting lines.

4 Talk openly with your team about the steps you are taking to ensure your relationship does not affect them negatively, and address any concerns they might have. Don’t think they don’t know – they do.

5 If your roles intersect, do not automatically side with your partner on workplace issues.

6 Be careful not to break workplace confidentiality in discussions outside the workplace.

7 Keep physically affectionate behaviour, nicknames or personal arguments out of the workplace – your colleagues will thank you.

Originally published as Valentine’s Day: How to date a colleague without it affecting your career