'Frankly it's rude': Dinner party etiquette sparks debate

"I wouldn't dream of asking for anything back at the end of the night just because times are tough...” Would you?

These days, it seems impossible to get in and out of a grocery store without dropping $50.

I feel like I spend $100 every time I leave the house without even noticing.

I’m not alone in feeling this cost-of-living squeeze. 

However, not everybody is approaching it the same way.

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“I’ll take that”

I have an aunt who, when attending family gatherings outside her home, brings drinks and food to share.

Pretty standard, right?

Well, at the end of each gathering, she collects up the half-empty bottles of lemon lime bitters, Fanta and Sprite and takes them home with her.

I find this practice totally insane and, frankly, rather rude.

I’ll also take that

I have another relative (happy to say this one is very distant) who brings Tupperware containers with him to special occasions, packs up any leftover food, and takes it home with him.

I’m not just talking about the food left on shared plates; he collects the food left on individual plates that we didn’t finish, too.

Best of all, he never offers to divide it up between everyone and just ghosts out with his 18 containers without a trace.

Not that I’d want a piece of Uncle Jeff’s half-eaten schnitzel or a slice of pizza with a bite taken out of it, but who said he gets first dibs on anything?

Remember to consider what you bring along as a gift...one you can't take back! Source: iStock

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I would never

I thought it was common etiquette that when you visit someone’s house, be it a lunch, dinner, party or just because you bring a small something with you.

It could be a bottle of wine, some flowers, chocolates or whatever they’ve requested I bring along.

By the same token, I would absolutely never ever take whatever I bring back with me when I left, whether it was touched or not.

Heck, I wouldn’t even ask.

The only time I’d take home something would be if the host insisted (at least twice) and told me if I didn’t take a doggy bag home, it’d end up in the bin.

As for opened bottles of soft drinks, I would be too embarrassed even to consider it, plus they wouldn’t even be fizzy by the time I got home.

“I wouldn't dream of asking for anything back at the end of the night.” Source: iStock

A divided perspective

I decided to pose the question to my colleagues on our team chat, and it seems that my “normal” isn’t everyone else’s “normal.”

One colleague  wrote, “Absolutely never take it home with you!”

“If there are a lot of leftovers, and the host insists on putting a plate or doggy bag together, then sure, but whatever drinks you take, you leave it there.”

Another agreed and said, “I wouldn't dream of asking for anything back at the end of the night.”

She added, “But if I host, I'm very happy to offer guests leftovers to avoid eating or wasting food, especially when it comes to dessert.”

“I'll leave it there; it's the least we can do to say thanks for hosting/cooking,” another said. 

“However, if it's non-alcoholic drinks that no one else has touched, and I know they won't drink them, I'll take them home.”

It seems this colleague wasn’t alone when it came to drinks.

“I take drinks home, never food unless the host is complaining about fridge space,” one said.

But there were a handful of colleagues who didn’t see a problem in taking back what they brought.

“Of course, I'm taking my leftovers home. With the way grocery prices are at the moment, I can't afford to cook a full extra meal that I don't get full use out of,” they argued.

With another agreeing and said, “I put drinks on all the time, and most of my friends that host don't do the same,” she revealed.

“If I'm rocking up with an unopened bottle of aged red or fancy cheese that no one's touched, it's coming home with me.”

What do the experts say?

I decided to do some research and find out what etiquette experts considered appropriate guest behaviour, and while I don’t like to gloat, well, I was right.

According to those in the know, when you show up to a lunch/dinner/event, your contribution, whether it’s food, drink, or a gift, is offered with no expectations of getting it back.

As soon as you hand it over to your host, it is no longer yours to claim at the end of the night.

However, it can also be considered rude not to take up a host’s offer to pack a doggy bag and help with their overflowing fridge.

Visiting someone shouldn’t come with a massive price tag, but expecting someone to host you without thanking them for the gesture is just plain rude in today’s climate.

Originally published as 'Frankly it's rude': Dinner party etiquette sparks debate