They said having two kids would be harder than one. They were wrong

"I can now change a nappy in total darkness - that's my current main claim to fame."

It’s a Saturday morning, and my house is - predictably - in chaos. 

The remnants of breakfast are scattered (and smeared and smooshed) across the counter.

There is so much LEGO on the floor that we could probably build a life-size replica of our own home.  The corner I have optimistically dubbed the “play area” is just about the only area where no playing has occurred.

Both children are screaming, but it is (probably) from the sheer exhilaration of being alive, and not because they’re mortally injured. Probably.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because regardless of what anyone warned me, having two children is so much easier than just having one.

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Image: Supplied

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"My life was about the get harder"

Believe me, that’s as much a surprise to me as it is to anyone. Before my second child was born in November last year, all I heard was how much harder my life was about to get. 

For one thing, my first child was barely sleeping through the night when his brother was born. For another, I only have two hands, and I generally like to keep one of those hands free to hold a coffee, due to the aforementioned toddler who was barely sleeping through the night.

And for a final, most important thing, I already kind of felt like I was only hanging on by a teeny-tiny little thread. 

But I’ve been astonished to realise how much easier everything has actually been this time around - for so many reasons. 

One of the key factors has been how much less I worry now - about both children. 

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"A weight lifted from my shoulders"

I have never experienced terror in my life like waking up and realising my first baby had slept through the night. I spent so much of his first year in a state of panic, worrying about… well, everything. Whether he was still breathing. Whether he was eating enough. Whether he was sleeping enough, Whether he would choke when we started solids, or fall out of the highchair, or have an allergic reaction, or learn to be a picky eater if I served the wrong foods. Whether he was walking and talking on schedule. 

The moment my second son was born, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I knew he would be fine, because I’d been there and done that - and even the new milestones my toddler was facing seemed so much less stressful, because, in comparison to his little brother, he seemed so much more robust and ready to take on the world. 

But I think the real difference this time around is how much better my husband and I are at parenting.

The birth of my second son has really hammered home for me just how much more effective a single, experienced parent is than two totally incompetent ones (with no offence intended to incompetent first-time parents, of course). Sure, we have two kids now, which means a lot of dividing and conquering, but any frustration at having to “divide” is entirely outweighed by how much better, and more quickly, we can “conquer”. 

Image: supplied

"Second nature to us"

I recall a day, early in my first baby’s life, when both my husband and I were on parental leave, absolutely exhausted after spending all day trying to fit a baby capsule, insert our baby into the capsule, and go on a short drive.

What seemed like a mammoth, two-person job (that we frankly would have liked to employ a third person for too, just in case), is now second nature to both of us. Where we once might have spent an entire day tag-teaming to get one baby down for a nap, we’ve now got our weekends down to a fine art, with both kids asleep by midday so we can sit on the lounge and watch Drag Race together.

My current claim to fame is that I can change a nappy in total darkness, just by touch, so I don’t wake up my husband. That sort of thing is unthinkable to first-time-parent-Zoe, who used the overhead light and the phone torch (just in case), and liked to have another adult watching on for moral support (in my defence, those tabs can be tricky). 

I’m not saying we’re perfect this time around, but compared to the panic and uncertainty of the early days of parenting our firstborn, parenting our second alongside our first feels like a walk in the park. 

Being better, more experienced parents means we’re able to focus on the joys of parenting with far more clarity. And with two kids, it really is double the joy. On their own, I think the world revolves around my boys, but when they’re playing together, it is sometimes more wonderful than I can put into words. 

And sure, there are hard moments - the other day my toddler put a tea towel over my baby’s head and gave him an open-palm smack across the face (firm words were exchanged). 

But I also wake up in the mornings to the sound of my two-year-old telling his little brother about the world. When he hears my husband moving around downstairs, he says “that’s Daddy! He’s in our family with Mummy”.

And loving them, together, feels like the easiest thing in the world. 

Originally published as They said having two kids would be harder than one. They were wrong