No offence, but... Things not to say in a Facebook Mums group

If in doubt… just Google it.

No one hands you a manual explaining the ins and outs of Facebook mums groups when you join them. 

If they did, it’d probably just say: Handle with caution.

There’s no doubt these groups can be gold! A lifeline at 2am, a place to find the best teether, or get a thorough sleep sack TOG rating understanding.

Welcome to the wild world of mums groups. No question is too weird. Apparently. Image: Supplied.

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But they can also be a battlefield of opinions, humblebrags, and wildly aggressive comment threads.

To help you survive (or at least avoid getting roasted), here are a few things you should avoid hitting post on in a Facebook mums group:

“Is this car seat okay?” 

You’ll instantly summon the unofficial car seat technicians. 

There are at least six in every group and they will not hold back. 

Expect diagrams, illegal tips, and possibly a visit from a Karen in a Hi-Vis vest. 

Sure, someone will chime in with “Well, my kid turned out fine!” but survivor bias isn’t the flex you think it is.

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“My baby sleeps through the night!”

Congrats! Truly! 

But unless the post specifically says “tell us your baby’s sleep wins”, maybe don’t drop that bomb in a thread titled “It’s 2am and my baby won’t sleep… send help”. 

It’s kind of like bragging about your lottery win in a debt support group.

Just catch your Zzz’s and let the rest of us spiral in peace.

Unsolicited poop pics

No. Just… no. Save it for the GP.

If you must share, pop it in the comments so we have the option to escape unscathed from your mustard-yellow poonami disaster.

Some of us are mindlessly scrolling on our lunch break. 

“I get 180ml per boob every pump. Is this normal?”

And just like that, you’ve launched the milk wars. Again.

Within minutes, someone will mention tongue ties, oversupply trauma, lactation cookies, and the politics of formula. 

One mum will cry. Another will post a screenshot in a different group. 

You did this.

“Where can I buy a birthday cake?”

There’s nothing inherently wrong with this one. I just see it constantly. 

Often twice before I’ve had my morning coffee. 

Use the search, babe. Local baker recommendations are basically the bread and butter of mums groups. There’s probably even a spreadsheet somewhere.

“Is screen time really that bad?”

Brace yourself for a comment section that swings from “we don’t even own a TV” to “Bluey practically raised my child”. 

Someone will casually mention their toddler speaks Mandarin thanks to Ms Rachel. 

Another will say Cocomelon is the root of all evil.

You might even get an ADHD conspiracy, just to keep things spicy.

“Why would anyone put their child in daycare? I could never let someone else raise my baby.”

Congratulations! You’ve just insulted 85% of the group in one sentence.

Hope you like comment notifications.

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So there you have it. Post with caution.

Not everything needs to be shared with 18,000 strangers. Especially if it involves bodily fluids, humblebrags, or the words “no offence, but…”

Facebook mums groups can be brilliant. But they can also chew you up and spit you out. 

If in doubt… just Google it. Or text your own parents. 

You’ll thank yourself later. And so will the admin team of the group.

Originally published as No offence, but... Things not to say in a Facebook Mums group