My wife keeps getting our toddler kicked out of daycare by violating rules

"She'll watch the live feed all day, bombard staff with texts and yell at them over trivial issues," the dad explained in the viral post.

A man has taken to a popular forum to ask if he was wrong for setting a strict boundary with his wife over her behaviour at daycare. 

Her "helicopter parenting" has seen their toddler booted from not one, but two daycares in two years and also earnt her the reputation as "one of those mums."

He now wants to know if his ultimatum to her was unreasonable or not. 

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"She would watch the live feed all day and call constantly"

Taking to the 'Am I The A**hole' thread, the man explained that he and his wife's three-year-old Alexis has attended daycare since she was one. In the two years since, they have been asked to leave two daycares because, in his words, "my wife is a micromanager."

"I admit both of us went into the first program not really understanding daycare," says the dad. "I quickly learned that they can’t provide personalised care and after learning from her teachers, I reset my expectations. My wife, however, has a lot of anxiety and worries about our daughter. She hates when she gets even a little upset."

During their first program, she would constantly watch the live feed and call the daycare multiple times a day. "We had several talks about it and the school talked to us twice. My wife ended up screaming at one of the teachers and then the director. We were terminated immediately," he explains. 

The second daycare was "a little better" because the wife began therapy. But she was still nervous and made complaints every single day.

These complaints weren't about important things, but rather small things like a child taking away a toy from Alexis, making her cry. The mum would ask why the other child wasn't punished and quickly earned a reputation for becoming "one of those mums" among staff. 

That daycare didn't kick them out per se, but eventually suggested it "may not be the best program" for them. So, they decided to pull Alexis out (mainly because of the wife's anxiety but also because the dad knew she had burnt bridges).

Image: IStock

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The third time's the charm, right? Wrong.

Next, they enrolled Alexis in a smaller home daycare with a woman who was "nice but also firm."

"She stands by her boundaries and won’t let my wife break any rules."

The OP thought all was going well because "the owner only speaks to my wife" so he thought no news was good news. 

"Then, I get put in a group text saying my wife has been bombarding the owner with texts every day," the dad reveals. "The owner also attached several pages of the contract with passages highlighted, reminding us of certain policies my wife had violated."

Safe to say the dad was annpyed. So that night, he had a serious talk with his wife. 

"I told her this was our last option for daycare. The other centers are too expensive, and this was the only home daycare in the area that we like. A nanny is not in our budget. My wife made a million excuses, including that it’s not her fault she’s anxious. I said if we are asked to leave this program too, my wife will be the one quitting her job to watch Alexis, not me."

"This upset my wife. I pointed out I’ve spoken to her kindly about this plenty of times. I encourage her to keep up her therapy. But she can’t keep getting us kicked out of programs. My wife is now not speaking to me," he concludes. 

"Your wife is going to ruin you and your daughter's lives"

Here's what people had to say about the man's dilemma.

"Your wife is the exact definition of a toxic helicopter parent, she’s going to not only ruin your life (already in that process) but your daughter's life in the future and her own life," the top comment with 32,000 likes read.

"You're not the a**hole. To keep it 100% honest with you - 20 years down the line, your daughter is going to hate your wife and there’s a high chance she will not be part of your life."

Another person agreed, saying, "NTA. Your wife is the reason daycares have contracts. If she continues to violate the contracts, you'll run out of options because it's a small world of providers and word gets around."

A third user took a more direct approach: "NTA- your wife is going to ruin your daughter’s social development with her drama. Couples therapy or divorce.

"For the sake of your daughter, you need to get your wife some serious help and if she doesn’t want to, leave and take your kid with you."

"NTA. I’m surprised your wife hasn’t already suggested she quit, it’s the obvious thing to do if she doesn’t trust anyone else with her child," another reader pointed out. 

But then someone replied, "My concern is if the wife is a micro-manager and she ends up staying home with the kid - this will not be a good option either.

"It will only enable her bad, abusive behaviour."

Originally published as My wife keeps getting our toddler kicked out of daycare by violating rules