My SIL was furious I waited 18 weeks to announce my pregnancy

"At 40 and after 13 years of trying, I just wanted to be safe," the mum-to-be explained. But she was told that "the family had a right to know." 

Sarah and her partner, Joel, tried to have children for 13 years. 

She says they accepted it "wasn't going to happen" when she was around 35. 

"We spent a lot of time hoping and trying different things and nothing worked so we decided to come to terms with our life as a childfree couple," she explained to an advice forum on Reddit.

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"I was afraid, we both were"

"We sold our old house, downsizing considerably and we started changing how we lived our life. We had devoted so much time to preparing to be a family with children that we didn't really know what we wanted now that it was no longer on the cards."

Then, just after her 40th birthday, she discovered she was pregnant.

"It was a huge shock and what was even more surprising was the baby was healthy when I went for my first scan. But I was afraid, we both were, so we waited until I was 18 weeks to tell people. I didn't really show until I was about 21 weeks so that made it easy to hide," she continued. 

When the pair announced the exciting news to their families, everyone was thrilled for them.

"All our siblings already had children who were nine and older, so this was the first baby born into the family in a while. We got asked about names and whether we would have a name reveal or a baby shower with a name reveal. We decided to keep the name to ourselves until he was born. Something special and a surprise for people," she said.

Most people understood. Most, except Sarah's sister-in-law, who couldn't understand why they kept the pregnancy to themselves.

"She was not happy about any of it and disliked it even more that we didn't share the name," she said, adding that the SIL brought it up over five times throughout the Christmas period. 

"She told me we left our families out when this was just as big a deal for them as it was for us," Sarah explained. "She said everyone had wanted us to have a baby too and how could we cut them out like that? She also claimed we could have gotten feedback and blessings from family members on his name, which is Hawthorn for people who will ask."

Sarah explained to her SIL that they wanted to come to terms with the news themselves first and wait until they were at a safe point, before telling others. 

But she argued that they would have needed the family if something went wrong and accused her of wanting to leave everyone out on purpose. 

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"It's your pregnancy, your choice"

In the comments, people quickly reassured the OP that she was far from in the wrong. 

"Your SIL is a giant AH. While it’s great for your family that you got pregnant. It is in no way happening to them. This is your experience and after years of trying and eventually giving up to find out you actually were pregnant would have been incredibly hard to come to terms with. Especially to get to a place where you were comfortable enough to tell anyone," the top comment with 10k likes read.

"I only started announcing my first around 18 weeks because I was so worried something would go wrong and I had no history of issues," they went on. "Everything you did was completely understandable. Your SIL is a control freak who seems to think her opinion is the only right one. No decent person would ever comment negatively on someone’s child’s name."

And a second chimed in, agreeing, "Even if you just put it down to enthusiasm, your sister-in-law is in the wrong. It's your pregnancy, your baby, your choice."

And a third quipped: "Unless they were in the bedroom cheering you and your husband on, the decision of when to share the pregnancy news or the name of the fetus is entirely up to the parents. You don't owe anyone a heads-up or a blessing or permission."

Originally published as My SIL was furious I waited 18 weeks to announce my pregnancy