My 'lazy' husband took our daughter out wearing her pyjamas and I'm so mad

"I feel like I take on all the mental load of her entire life and he can't even be bothered to get her dressed."

Getting ready to leave the house with kids in tow can take some effort. Ensuring they are well fed and dressed, have brushed their teeth and have shoes on their feet, seem like pretty standard requirements. 

One dad decided that might all be too much effort, taking his daughter out for a morning in her PJs and his wife was not happy.

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Image: iStock.

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"It annoyed me so much"

“I don't know why it annoyed me so much,” she wrote on popular parenting forum Mumsnet.

“He has her one-on-one on Sunday mornings (I have a lie in as I do all night wakings) and took her trampolining. He had two hours to get her up and ready. I'm pretty sure he didn't clean her teeth either. 

“Definitely didn't brush her hair.”

The mum went on to write how he came home at lunchtime after a morning out “all proud of himself” which is when she discovered her daughter was still in her pyjamas! Which were now filthy because they went to the park afterwards.

“I don't want to be a nag,” the mum continued.

“I don't want to be negative. I love their bonding and I'm appreciative of him taking her, but I just can't shake the fact that his standards for her are so much lower than mine. 

“Like every time I leave her in his care she looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards. Really I can't think he has any other reason to not get her dressed beyond 'I couldn't be bothered'.”

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"I take on all the mental load of her life!"

She ends the post by asking people if she is wrong to find this annoying.

“I just feel like I take on all the mental load of her entire life and he can't even be bothered to get her dressed. Would it bother you?”

The hundreds of comments were mixed, with many supporting the mum and her feelings about the mental load and double standards.

“Yes it would bother me,” says one mum who clearly feels the same way.

“Simply because it shows a lack of care.He managed to get himself dressed I assume? So he knows you don't go out in your PJs. 

“Why does he think he doesn't need to dress her, comb her hair or brush her teeth? It's basic care.”

Another agrees: “That’s just laziness on his part to be honest, there’s absolutely no excuse for not changing a child after they’ve got up.”

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"Did she have fun?"

Some mums felt differently, that this was more just dad doing his best.

“Did she have fun?” Asks someone with an opposing opinion.

“It's not the end of the world.....she'll survive one day with unbrushed hair and all-day PJs if she's had a great bonding day with her dad, and you've had a lie-in.”

But another poster felt this was just yet another example of where mums and dads are held to differing standards.

“But it’s just accepting the shit standards from the dad that you just wouldn’t accept from the mum and it’s not right” she posts.

“It’s a basic minimum to get your child dressed, brush their hair and teeth and do nice things with them. He shouldn’t be proud of himself for taking his own child trampolining and not even making sure she’s clean. 

“And really it shouldn’t be accepted like ‘ah bless dad, at least they had fun’.”

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"He isn't doing it on purpose"

Another mum had a gentler approach when it comes to how she views her husband’s standards of dress code.

“For me, I know my husband isn't doing it on purpose,” the mum writes.

“He just doesn't think about clothing that much as he just wears jeans and a t-shirt most days. Our daughters have more complicated clothing.

“I don't get involved. I know they are safe. They just look a bit dishevelled. They aren't going to remember that they went out in PJs, or he didn't do their hair properly, they are just going to remember that they spent a lot of one-on-one time doing stuff with their dad.”

She also references her own dad, explaining why she gives her husband some room for error.

“I don't have those memories of my dad. He was a good man but he very rarely had me on his own and pretty much never did any care for me like getting me ready as a child.

“So I look at my husband and I'm just glad he tried, even if it hasn't met the standards of how I would do it.”

Originally published as My 'lazy' husband took our daughter out wearing her pyjamas and I'm so mad