My husband says being a parent is 'painful, boring and unenjoyable'

"He just doesn't want to interact with them at all," the mum admitted, before being flooded with advice from fellow parents about how to change this. 

While a lot of us might be the first to admit we don't LOVE playing with our kids, we still do it.

Yes, it can be repetitive and yes, there are often lots of other things we would prefer to be doing - it's still crucial for bonding with our kids, helping them with their development and of course, making their lives enjoyable. So we suck it up and put on our best Bluey impression for the 1000th time. 

But one mum has taken to a parenting forum to share that her husband won't play with their kids at all. 

In fact, she's convinced that her husband "doesn't enjoy being a parent."

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'I feel like my husband creates tasks for himself just to get away from us'

The OP shared in the viral post that she and her husband have two daughters, five and two months old and that they're both "sweet, happy and easygoing (well, I hope the baby will be!)"

She explains that she's the one that stays home with the kids, whereas her husband works outside of the home. 

The mum wrote: "My husband just doesn't enjoy being a dad or take pleasure in spending time with them.

"He loves them dearly and wants the best for them and can enjoy them in very short increments of time, but he finds it painful (his own words) to spend any significant amount of time with them."

Thankfully, his kids haven't picked up on his feelings because he is "careful" not to let them show when he's around them. 

But he still "does anything to avoid meaningfully engaging with them," according to the mum.

She's also recently picked up on the fact that he "creates tasks for himself over the weekend just to get away from us."

"We've talked about it, and he says he just finds spending time with them to be boring and unenjoyable," she said. 

"Is there anything I can do to make him find genuine joy in being with his kids?"  she asked. 

The dad finds playing with his kids 'boring'. Image: IStock

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'He can't change how he feels but he can exert more effort'

And while this particular internet forum has a reputation for being a cesspit of trolling, bad advice, criticism and judgment - the comments were almost entirely compassionate for both the mum and her husband. 

Parents who had grappled with similar situations all came forward with advice for the OP, including dads who didn't know how to interact with their young kids, mums who don't like imaginative play and even people who had experienced a similar level of detachment with their own parents.

But amongst it all, one thing was certain - whether it be through going to therapy or figuring it out with his wife, the dad is going to have to fix this. 

"He can’t change how he feels but he can exert more effort," one person pointed out.

Another added, "He needs to be a parent, and sometimes that means doing something you don’t want to do for the sake of your child.

"Or else he needs to compromise and find activities he does like to do. It is incredibly important for children to get attention and individual time with their grown-ups."

Then this person made this useful point, "My husband was similar when my kiddos were younger. Fast forward ten years and now he wants a relationship with them, but it isn't there. I try to create/encourage interactions between them in an attempt to build relationships — but that has failed too. I guess what I am saying is that there could be regret down the road. Maybe speak to him about that aspect of his lack of interest."

A fourth said: "I started going to a therapist to work on [this issue] myself. One of the big things I found to help was realising I didn’t have to always act like a kid, play little kid stuff, or treat them differently because of their age. I enjoy nature photography so I gave my daughter an old camera that wasn’t important and took her with me. I may not have the patience to sit and play with dolls but I’ve found a great bond in taking my kids to do things I enjoy."

Originally published as My husband says being a parent is 'painful, boring and unenjoyable'