My husband does Movember every year and I dread it for selfish reasons

"The cause is so very important, but... what about my eyes?" an Aussie mum tells Kidspot.

Every year, when November comes around, while I am excited about the warmer weather and the approaching festive season, there is one thing I dread: Movember.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely for the cause, raising awareness for men’s health is incredibly important, I support that 100% and I encourage everyone who can to get involved with it.

I just don’t encourage my own husband, Ryan, to get involved in the way he chooses to, because well, frankly it is embarrassing.

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When I say embarrassing, I am referring to the growing a moustache part. It’s not that I don’t like them, I actually think, when grown and maintained well, they are quite attractive but that’s the clincher - when grown well.

You see, despite Ryan turning 40 last year and with that milestone, hitting his middle age mark, he cannot for the life of him grow facial hair. Definitely not a beard, not a moustache, not even a goatee. Any time he even tries to even go for a five o’clock shadow, it just looks like a teenage boy starting puberty, with patchy blobs of hair and the odd strand poking out here or there.

The first Movember

I remember the first time he was really adamant about growing one of those really thick beards decades ago now. He’d never been interested in growing facial hair and because of this, he shaved every day (even though he didn’t need to) but then his best mate grew one and he thought it’d be funny to grow one too.

He invested in all these items for when it grew – beard dye and a specific trimmer that promised precision cutting. Ryan even researched the best local barbers and made an appointment for a few weeks later, anticipating he’d need it tidied up but instead, he ended up with three patches of hair- one on his neck and two others in random spots and barely anything anywhere else, so he cancelled the appointment, gave the items to his mate and shaved the bits off.

For anyone who didn’t know him and saw him when he attempted to grow that beard or when he has previously taken part in Movember, they’d think he couldn’t shave well and missed bits.

Despite there being a range of other options to choose from to take part in Movember, including a run (an activity he actually enjoys and is good at), Ryan is adamant that he wants to “grow a mo.” And this year is no different.

“It’ll be different this year,” he told me. This just so happened to be the same comment he has made the past two years as well.

Not quite Magnum PI. Image: iStock

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"Days later it looks exactly the same"

He announced his decision last week, shaved completely on the 31st and looks 100% the same, days later.

While I am not a fan, our kids probably hate it even more, completely embarrassed by Ryan’s unwavering, yet bound-to-fail dedication to growing a moustache because they know how ridiculous it looks and well, teenage girls, they care about their image.

Both the girls have already insisted that they can get themselves to and from after-school activities this month and they have told me there is no way they are going anywhere with Dad because he “looks like a greying teenage boy.” And while they were only joking, I can tell there is definitely a very big element of truth to the comments.

And truth be told, I understand because I am the one who has to look at his face the most. 11 months of the year, there is no other face I’d rather look at but November, well Ryan becomes someone else.

As well as looking ridiculous, his patchy stubble irritates the absolute hell out of my skin, I get red rashes after we kiss, and even pimples around my lips from the oil. I know it sounds absolutely selfish, but I wish he’d just keep clean-shaven and opt for the run but no matter how much we try to persuade him, it’s “Movember all the way.”

All I can say is props to Ryan for his dedication to the cause and for trying but oh my, I just can't wait for the month to end!

Originally published as My husband does Movember every year and I dread it for selfish reasons