It's not a cuddle clinic: coming over to hold the baby is NOT helping me

“Maybe try bringing food, watching the toddler, changing one single nappy, or folding a f***ing towel."

When a woman has a new baby it’s important to remember the facts: she’s not running a cuddle clinic.

Her love language is you offering to unload the dishwasher or bring her a home cooked meal.

That’s the strong message one mum is sending in a relatable Reddit post.   

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RELATED: The basic baby care act my husband just doesn’t want to see 

"You aren’t helping"

“Coming over to hold the baby is NOT “helping,” she entitled the post. 

While it’s such a treasure to soak in the smell of a newborn, she is sick of one recurring visitor who’s overstayed her welcome. 

“If you go to your son’s house when your daughter-in-law is two days post C-section to ‘help’, and all you do is sit on the couch and hold her brand new baby she just got cut in half bringing into the world, you aren’t helping,” the woman shared 

Instead her expectations of the mother-in-law are fairly simple. 

“Maybe try bringing food, watching the toddler, changing one single diaper, or folding a f***ing towel,” she suggested. 

“If this sounds specific, that’s because it is.”  

Commenters on the post heard her loud and clear, agreeing with her stance. 

“It’s not help unless you get to take a nap while they hold the baby,” one commenter proposed. 

“I had to get my own mother a glass of water when I was four days postpartum and I think I will be bitter about that for the rest of my life,” another shared. 

“It amazes me how many people DON'T offer to or bring food when they come to meet our new babies. Seems like the bare minimum,” a third agreed. 

Image: Supplied

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“Maybe we’re just different"

However, others seem to be totally fine with the idea of handing over bubs for a short break.  

“I might be the only one but I actually dislike people doing chores in my household,” came the opposite opinion. 

“I appreciated having someone to hold the baby actually. Meant I could eat, pump, clean up a bit, maybe nap,” another mother agreed. 

The mum sharing her concern believes every mother is different and should feel safe within making their own choice. 

“I’m truly happy you trust your MILs enough to hold your newborn long enough for you to nap or clean or whatever you need to feel normal. I don’t, okay?” she argued. 

“Maybe we’re just different and that’s okay?” 

This mother is completely valid in her apprehension, because I was that mum once too. When I’d hand my baby off in the earlier days I would panic until I got him back in my arms, especially if he cried while someone else held him. 

Watching your baby be handed around the room like a football is confronting and it’s hard to speak up for yourself when you’re already emotionally fragile from postpartum blues. 

We need to normalise letting a mother decide what she's comfortable with. 

Originally published as It's not a cuddle clinic: coming over to hold the baby is NOT helping me