I was a surrogate and called a 'deadbeat' for not acting like a mum

“They've already used you as an incubator. They shouldn't expect to be able to use you as a nanny as well,” one comment advised the woman.

A surrogate woman has been accused by her friend of being a ‘deadbeat parent’ for not wanting to be involved in the child’s life.

The woman, who posted to a popular forum, asked if she was in the wrong for not taking on parental responsibility for the child she carried for nine months. 

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"I've been pulling back, it's too much"

The original poster, who carried the baby via an egg donor, explained: “Let me start off by saying when I was younger I was a surrogate for two of my friends (both male).”

She then says that their marriage fell apart and one of the men moved to the other side of the state. Their daughter, Abby, still lives with her father who lives around the corner from the surrogate. 

“He has been calling all the time to come hang out with Abby,” she continued. “I’ve been pulling back from him since it has gotten too much.”

Then things reached a tipping point when, “He called and asked me to pick her up from daycare. I refused and he went on a whole tirade that I am a deadbeat parent.”

The woman apparently “laughed it off” but then spoke to her mum about it who agreed that she has a “duty” to “her kid.”

“I think I am going crazy and I’m not a parent even though my family thinks I am,” she concluded before asking the forum whether or not she is being a jerk. 

Image: IStock

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"This is an outrageous way to manipulate you"

The top comment with 9.4k likes read: “That's not your child. You don't owe anyone anything more than you're willing to give. You already did your part by putting yourself through pregnancy and childbirth and giving someone the absolute gift of a child, they otherwise couldn't have and their relationship breakdown doesn't suddenly make you tap in as a parent or put that responsibility on your shoulders.”

Another agreed: “OP graciously helped a couple with fertility issues and this is how they repay her? Really?! She has no more responsibility to that kid than a diabetic has to chocolate. It is absurd how many people make the institution of surrogacy so complicated! That is not her child.”

And a third said, “Your role as surrogate ends at the hospital door. This is an outrageous way to manipulate you.”

“Surrogacy does not equal parenthood. Unless there were some terms about you being an active part in the child's life before the surrogacy was agreed then the assumption should be that you would not be involved in any capacity,” remarked a fourth.

“They've already used you as an incubator. They shouldn't expect to be able to use you as a nanny as well.”

For information on surrogacy in Australia visit www.surrogacyaustralia.org.

Originally published as I was a surrogate and called a 'deadbeat' for not acting like a mum