I spoil my stepkid when she returns from her 'vindictive b*tch' mum's place

"She hates going there for lots of reasons. So I give her whatever she wants when she comes home."

Being a stepmum isn't always easy, but for many, it's worth it, because of the amazing kids.

One stepmum has shared how she spoils her stepdaughter, especially when she returns home after being at her mum's.

“I have a 10-year-old stepdaughter, Harper. I have been in Harper’s life since she was two, and I love this little girl more than anything,” she starts her post.

While the OP and her husband have primary custody of the girl, she is with her mum two days a week. 

“Harper’s mum is a vindictive b*tch," the stepmum explains. "Harper hates going to her mum’s house, and no matter how many times we’ve tried, we can’t get her custody reduced.”

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"She won't talk or touch her"

The stepmum continues, “Harper made a picture frame at school and used the one with the three of us, not with her mother. Harper’s mum was so mad that she broke the frame in front of Harper.

“Now she will make Harper go to her house every Friday, but she won’t talk to or touch her. She pretends like she’s not there.”

The OP reveals that this behaviour "destroys" the girl.

"When she gets home she always finds me and will hold onto me for the rest of the day. She even refuses to eat or speak."

By the time she's due to come home on a Sunday, Harper texts her stepmum with some requests.

 "If she says she wants something, I get it for her; whether it’s a giant LEGO set that she’s been wanting, a new dress, a mani-pedi, etc., she always gets it.

"My husband told me to stop spoiling her like this. He said I could sleep in her room, make her a special breakfast, or paint her nails at home, but a $100 LEGO set, some $20 dresses, going out to eat, and mani-pedis are too much."

She ends her post by asking if this is unreasonable, arguing, "I think she deserves it after going to her mum’s house, but he thinks she’s going to end up spoiled and expect this anytime something unpleasant happens."

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Image: iStock

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"Don't jump every time she wants something"

There were many strong opinions when it came to this family situation. 

"None of this is okay," one said strongly. "Harper’s mum sounds awful, and this is stuff you need to document. But you’re showing her that love and affection are linked to gifts and experiences, and that’s not healthy. Your husband is right."

Another wrote, "Give her lots of hugs, and spend time with her. But don't jump every time she says she wants something. Your husband is right; there are other ways to show her she is loved without creating a monster." 

And this mum shared: "I'm curious about the relationship between your stepdaughter and her father. It's strange to me that when she comes home, she rushes to you versus her father for comfort. Some of that may relate to you spoiling her, but is he generally comforting towards her when she gets back? Does he do anything to make her feel better, or is his interaction telling you what not to do?"

The OP replied, "I wouldn’t say he does nothing, but I’m her primary caretaker and the one to comfort her when she’s sick or upset or when she stays home from work when she doesn’t have school."

Then there were some more direct comments about the stepmum's attitude.

"You know what would help her more than material objects? Therapy and fighting to get her away from her abusive mother," said one.

And this judgement encapsulated the situation perfectly:

"Harper’s mom is failing her most obviously. But you and her father are just as bad, trying to Band-Aid her problems with toys rather than working with the court system to better her life. If you’ve got money to burn, give Harper something of substance and lasting meaning rather than a f*cking LEGO kit."

Originally published as I spoil my stepkid when she returns from her 'vindictive b*tch' mum's place