I sat in a bus shelter in pjs at 3am to escape the crying

"I’d gone from a busy professional, fully in charge of my day, to an exhausted shell, living the same 45 minutes over and over," Aussie mum Claire writes exclusively for Kidspot. Please note: sensitive content

Claire Hooper

3 min read

July 21, 2023 - 1:14PM

Image: Claire Hooper/iStock

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The strangest part thing that happened to me when I became a new parent? I became unable to admit I was having a hard time.

I’d gone from a busy, productive professional, fully in charge of my day, to an exhausted shell of a person, living the same 45 minutes over and over.

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"All I felt was tired"

Our extended families lived in WA and New Zealand, so we didn’t really have a support network. My husband was working full time and I’d somehow got it into my head that ‘the baby was my idea’ so I was trying to be strong enough to do it all.

I was fiercely protective of that little, warm lump in my arms but too overwhelmed to feel how special the moment was. All I felt was…tired.

I remember a friend asking us a few weeks in, how’s the baby sleeping? My husband answered ‘she’s sleeping through the night!’

I’d been doing such a good job responding to her multiple wakeups that he had been sleeping blissfully through all of them. When I corrected him, he laughed like a drain. I didn’t find it as funny, but I still didn’t realise it was a sign I should be asking for more help.

Image: Claire Hooper/iStock

"I went to the bus shelter at 3am to escape the crying"

Even when I found myself sitting in a bus shelter down the road at 3am one night - in muddy socks and pyjamas, just to get away from the crying baby for a few minutes - I didn’t register I was having a hard time. I was just that numb.

What saved me? Two things.

I started with a brilliant parent’s group. I hadn’t realised how much I needed to talk to people going through the same thing.

I thought I’d lost the ability to laugh at life, but suddenly it was back. I even told them the story of my husband thinking the baby slept through, and was able to laugh along with them. I got so lucky with the women and men in my new ‘sisterhood’ that I’m still friends with many of them nearly a decade later.

"I admitted I was having a really hard time"

And, inspired by the parents who asked for help, I started admitting to myself that I was having a REALLY HARD TIME. Nothing special, just my version of the ‘really hard time’ being experienced by 99% of new parents ever. (The other 1% is my husband, sleeping through the wakeups, what a joke.)

My husband ended up being an amazing parent, he always had it in him, he just sleeps more deeply than me. He just needed me to wake him and ask for help.

I’m so glad of the existence of Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA). New parents deserve as much help as possible, even if that’s just being helped to understand that they need help.

Claire with Nikki Britton for the Stand Up for the Sisterhood campaign. Image: supplied

"Nobody could have warned me"

This is why Priceline’s Stand Up for the Sisterhood campaign speaks to me! I’m proud to be helping them with their fundraising goal of a million dollars for the Priceline Sisterhood Foundation, which supports Australian women and their families through charities like Raise, Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA) and Motherless Daughters Australia.

Nobody could have warned me how hard new parenthood would be, and I realise now that’s because it’s impossible to describe in a way that people understand until they’ve been through it. So rather than try, I’ll just offer three bits of advice.