‘I left my school parents' WhatsApp group and have zero regrets’

“Just because my daughter happens to share a classroom with some kids, doesn’t mean their parents are my new besties,” the anonymous mum told Kidspot.

The constant pinging of notifications from WhatsApp groups is a sound well known by most parents. And if you have more than one child at school, in sporting teams and a mix of social circles of your own, you likely have a number of notifications going off at any one time.

It was a school WhatsApp group with constant messaging between a large group of primary school aged parents, that finally led one mum to make a bold statement by simply... leaving the group. 

“I’m a big fan of a cathartic cull,” the mum who wishes to remain anonymous, told Kidspot.

“Whether that is at home sorting out clothes or online with social media, it feels good to let go of the things that no longer serve you.

“And that’s exactly what happened with this particular WhatsApp group.”

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"Managing the notifications made me feel uncomfortable"

The mum says that after joining the group a few years ago, it gradually became clear that the frequent messages between the parents in the group were of no interest to her, and yet would often ping her phone at all hours.

After going through a rough couple of years personally, she began to reassess her priorities and think about how to create boundaries.

“Managing the regular notifications was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable," the mum shared.

"At first I changed the sounds so I could instantly recognise if something was about work, family or  unimportant messages like these. 

“Eventually it just made more sense to opt out of the group entirely - and so I left.”

The mum said that since exiting the group she has been happier, but she had no idea that leaving a WhatsApp group was controversial; until she disclosed her decision to a close friend. 

“She couldn’t believe I had left, rather than muted the group like everyone else!

"But as I grow into my 40s I think, what is the point of being part of something that only serves to make me anxious or distracted?”

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"Why do I even need the group?"

She says that while the notifications were one thing, the information being shared in the group was irrelevant.

“There was a pushy academic focus and sharing in the group that did not relate to me, my kids or how I like to parent,” the mum explains.

“I’m a firm believer that just because my daughter happens to share a classroom with some kids, doesn’t mean their parents are my new besties. 

“I already have friends and I know the parents I want to see outside of school, so why do I even need the group?

“I know I am an opinionated person but I’m okay with that. I literally don’t care what the people who don’t know or care about me, think of me. 

“My circle may get smaller if some mums are offended, but if they are offended by my actions, they are not my people anyway - so I’m totally okay with it.”

The mum said that aside from shedding her people pleasing shell and caring less whether people like her, she feels WhatsApp groups like this one are not helpful for kids.

“Too many parents are way too involved in their kids’ lives and day-to-day schooling,” the mum says.

“Mums rely on people in the WhatsApp groups to tell them what is happening and when, instead of putting it back on their kids.

"If my son has a question about an event or something happening at school I say to him, ‘have you asked your teacher?’ and the next day he does.”

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"It is empowering to have boundaries"

She believes it is a similar issue with all the school apps that supposedly make it easier for parents to stay across all the information.

“Let’s take the app we now use for online canteen ordering. In the past, kids had to handle money, count change and queue up to place an order. They had to talk to canteen volunteers and learn how to order lunch themselves.

“Kids were in charge of bringing letters home or giving permission slips to their teacher. Now their mum or dad just does it all for them in two minutes via an app. 

“Kids are losing the confidence to ask questions or be patient while they wait in a line up. They just think mum will get her phone out and fix it - and I don’t think any of this is helpful for them.”

The mum says that overall her decision to exit the class WhatsApp group has been a great one.

“It is empowering to have boundaries,” she tells Kidspot.

“I don’t miss it one bit and it has removed some of the outside noise from my life that I just did not need.

“Also it means I am pushing back on my kids to take on some responsibility and I honestly think this is good for them.

“I would absolutely recommend leaving any groups that don’t serve you or sap your energy. 

“Ask yourself why you are even in the group and how those notifications make you feel?

"If they don’t serve you, get out and never look back!”

Originally published as ‘I left my school parents' WhatsApp group and have zero regrets’