I'm an ADHD mum. This is how I manage to parent daily

"No one talks about the ADHD mum meltdown. I’m not a freak. This is a thing." 

My memories of parenting tiny kids aren’t nostalgic or wistful. They are filled with existential dread that borders on nausea. I’m not joking.

As younger versions of themselves, my two daughters would scream and have tantrums. Of course—they were toddlers. 

When this happened, the feeling in my body was flooding. A hot face. Hair on my arms standing on end. Tight throat. I might even start to sweat.

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"It was a revelation: I’m not a freak. This is a thing."

Usually, not a single coherent thought was in my mind about how to resolve this parenting hell (or anything else). Instead: blind panic. What if this kid never shuts up? Make the noise stop.

After this first wave, rage followed. I might scream, or say something angry or mean. Mainly, though, I just wanted to get away.

Experts call this an “amygdala hijack” – when the fight, flight, or freeze response overrides your brain’s prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for rational thinking and decision-making.

Once things calmed down—as they inevitably do with small kids—I’d be left with one overwhelming emotion: guilt. It would last for days, sometimes weeks.

I’d self-flagellate. What kind of mother wants to get away from her kids? ALL. THE. TIME.

I’ll tell you what kind: One with ADHD.

Once diagnosed about a year ago, I started reading every article I could find about ADHD and watching endless Instagram reels. This impacted the algorithm, which began feeding me more neurodivergent content. Occasionally, other ADHD mums would pop up talking about this exact situation.

It was a revelation: I’m not a freak. This is a thing.

Image: Supplied

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“I’ve been known to lock myself outside"

Rebecca* is another mum with ADHD. She describes similar feelings of overwhelm: “The screaming or sibling arguments made me feel agitated… defeated, hopeless, guilty, and not the mum I desperately wanted to be.

“It would make me snap, put me in my red zone, and I’d end up yelling something I regret,” she confesses.

As someone who is legally blind, her vision loss adds another layer of complexity.

“Myself and our three children are messy, so trying to keep up with myself and find all their shit takes up so much time and makes me so frantic! I also lose my mind when the kids leave all their gross spills on the bench and I’m constantly putting my hands in stuff.

“I’ve been known to lock myself outside or shut myself in my room with my back against the door to calm myself down.

“I’m much better now that I’m medicated for ADHD. I learnt that locking myself outside doesn’t hurt anyone as long as the kids are safe. Noise-cancelling earmuffs help too,” Rebecca adds.

Another friend—let’s call her Jessica* —is also familiar with this brand of parenting overstimulation and subsequent guilt.

“My kids know not to talk to me in the car while I’m concentrating or I’ll yell,” she laughs.

For her, finding community has been a huge help.

“Meeting other adults with the same diversity has really helped me come to peace with the fact I can need certain things and not be a bad person.

“Even now that I’ve been diagnosed, I still get the guilts about feeling overwhelmed by my kids. I’m kinder to myself though about needing alone time to recharge,” Jessica says.

Ginger with her daughter. Image: supplied

Ginger Gorman's tips for ADHD parents 

I don’t have all the answers, but here are a few tips if you’re an ADHD parent who struggles with noise-related overwhelm.

• Just knowing what this is—and naming it—really helps. You aren’t a terrible person. You’re neurodiverse, and that requires some parenting adjustments.
• Use visual schedules or timers for your kids—it reduces chaos and decision fatigue.
• Step away briefly if you can. Even 60 seconds to breathe can help you reset.
• Although medication isn’t for everyone, it can really help. Talk to a health professional about your options.
• My friend Carla* swears by noise-cancelling earplugs or headphones. She pops them on, “…when family stress is about to spike—like during packing or looming deadlines,”and uses music she loves to “…drown out the chaos with my favourite music, so I can stay calm and get things done without adding to the drama.”

*Due to the shame and guilt of ADHD coupled with parent guilt, my friends’ names have been kept anonymous.

Ginger Gorman is a social justice journalist and author. She also has ADHD. Her upcoming book for Harper Collins is called, “Flying not Falling.” 

Originally published as I'm an ADHD mum. This is how I manage to parent daily