I had to tell my mum that it was my turn to be a mother

"She even tried to tell the midwives I needed a C-section when I was in labour," a distraught woman anonymously shares about her interfering mum.  

My mum has always been a rule-breaker. And when it comes to being a grandma, it’s no different.

When I was in labour with my first child, I asked her to wait for my husband to call her with the news of the baby’s arrival before she came to the hospital.

I had been battling through the trials and tribulations of labour for a good 24 hours when the midwife told me my mother had arrived and was demanding they give me a caesarean.

The midwife asked if my mum could come into the delivery room, and I’m afraid I said no. 

I love her dearly, but she is prone to drama. She’s not what you’d call a calming influence.

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Giving birth was for me and my husband, not for my mother. Source: supplied

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"It’s such a vulnerable experience"

Sometimes, I’ve felt guilty about not letting her be there for the birth of my children, but it’s such a vulnerable experience, and at the end of the day, I only wanted my husband present.

The midwife reassured my mum that we would call her when the baby was born, and to head home. 

I’ll never forget that feeling when they wheeled me out of the operating room, as high as a kite on drugs and covered in my baby’s thick, dark green first poo. There she was, waiting. 

The daydreams I’d had of proudly presenting my new bundle of joy to my folks were shattered instantly.

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She even ignored expert advice

As a new mother, it’s an enormous shock to the system caring for a newborn. Naturally, you often rely on your mother for sound advice and wisdom, which I did.

But sometimes, that advice contradicted what the experts said. Take, for example, the dummy saga. 

My son wasn’t a fan of the dummy and my mum tried to convince me to put honey on it. The advice nowadays is never to dip dummies in sweet things like honey as it can cause severe tooth decay very swiftly. 

Did she listen? Of course not.

I’d repeatedly find her with the dummy in the honey jar, looking guilty or discovering sticky residue on it after she had been caring for him.

I was furious. I felt like she didn’t respect or understand my parenting choices, even though I’d clearly communicated them to her.

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She fed him first

Then there was the time she decided to give my son his first-ever meal. It may sound silly to some people, but that was one of those milestones that I was really looking forward to.

My mum had been looking after him while I lay down, and when I woke up she said he’d gobbled up his first teaspoon of pureed vegetables. 

When I confronted her about it, she didn’t really understand what the big deal was. I said that it was my turn to be a mother. That giving him his first-ever taste of food was my special moment to share with him; she had taken it away from me.

Now that a few years have passed and I’ve had other children, I’m less uptight about parenting. A lot of the things that annoyed me, like intervening while I was in labour, no doubt came from a place of love. I get that now.

And with better communication, I’ve managed to improve my relationship with my mum. She still feeds my kids way too much sugar and is lax about sunscreen, but at the end of the day, she’s a very loving Nana, and I'm grateful for her... rule-breaker and all.

Originally published as I had to tell my mum that it was my turn to be a mother