'I don't want to see my kids every single day'

The single mum-of-two has her reasons - and they're points even married mums will be able to relate to.

A single mum has started a viral discussion about sharing her children with her ex, saying that "I love my kids, but I don't want to see them full time."

All mums will know that still, in 2024, it's a major taboo for a mum to admit she's not 100 percent devoted to her kids every second of every day. 

But Lucy, an Aussie mum-of-two from Perth, explains her reasons, and even mums who don't split time with their kids would relate to them.

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"I don't want to see my kids every day"

Responding to a previous question asking if she regrets separating because she doesn't see her kids every day, Lucy says:

"I don't want to see my kids every single day, I said it.

"And I'm fully aware that the comment section is probably gonna go off.

"When people say don't you miss your kids, I feel like it's a way of saying oh, what a rubbish person you are... I don't want to have my kids full time, but if I had to have them full time, of course I would."

Lucy then explains that before her and her then husband had children, they agreed that being a parent is a "50/50 job - nothing sits all on me."

She adds, "Society still sits everything on the mother of the children."

Image: TikTok

She finds this problematic because many of us, like herself, work full time.

"I've not felt like I was the best mum... for seven years I've had a kid at home with me while I run a business full time. Now, when the kids go to my ex, or are at school, I have space to get my work done, and get myself back on track."

Lucy shares that her mental health suffered in those years as a result of being "so run down." But now, "This is my chance to finally feel like an equal parent."

One thing Lucy observes is the other parent also has to juggle their work and parenting commitments, which is how it should be. Not having them full time also means she can be flexible about her working hours.

As a sole parent of 15 years, I agree

As mums always feel compelled to do when being honest about parenting, Lucy tells her viewers, "Of course I miss them. But I can see them whenever I want, and the same for him."

Finally, she says, "It's okay to want time away from the kids."

As a sole parent (no split time) of 15 years myself, I agree, and even extend that to include any mum, not just those who are the only adult at home.

Mums in general don't give themselves permission to make themselves any sort of priority. It's hard to do that, when you're essentially the only one running the show.

Every single mum I know looks forward to the time when the kids go to their ex, and they can focus on things they need to do to "fill their cup," as Lucy puts it.

One friend never drinks when she has her children, so gives herself permission to have a couple when she knows the kids are safe with their dad.

Another single mum I know finds shared custody so helpful in terms of booking beauty appointments, catch ups, and even shopping, because then when she has the kids, she's completely dedicated to what they need, and her mental load is less at the time.

"She spits the truth that others just aren't ready to hear"

Lucy's clip attracted thousands of comments, such as these supportive ones: "She spits the truth that others just aren't ready to hear" and "This is all entirely reasonable, legitimate, relatable, and understandable."

So many parents in the same situation agreed with the benefits, such as sleep ins, with this mum even saying, "I think I value my quality time with my kids so much more, because I have that mini break. I get it!"

But there were some mums who couldn't understand Lucy's experience.

This viewer wrote, "Oh that hurts my heart."

Another added, "I couldn't imagine not being with my kids every day I would never want to see them part time ever."

I think it's something that perhaps you can't fully empathise with unless you have been in the situation of being the only parent, all the time.

To me, that's obvious in that last comment, which refers to being a parent "part time" when the kids are with their dad.

Single mums are never "part time parents", and perpetuating stigmas like that is exactly why Lucy made her clip.

Originally published as 'I don't want to see my kids every single day'