I bitterly resent my husband for making me return to work

"I don't want to be a trad wife. But after everything I've done, this is the thanks I get?"

3 min read

March 14, 2024 - 12:22PM

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"It’s my last day of maternity leave and I am miserable. I know being emotional about leaving my baby is to be expected, but I just feel heartbroken and angry."

This is how one mum has described how she's feeling in an online post this week - and she's placed the blame entirely on her husband.

In a post called, "I resent my husband for making me go back to work," the woman explains her state of mind is his fault - and many think she's being grossly unfair.

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"I resent him for not wanting to step up as a provider"

The mum writes:

"I worked my ass off during my twenties to finish school, find jobs, get promoted, to be financially secure. I spent the last few years in therapy working to overcome childhood trauma that I did not want to pass on to a child. I feel like I have always done the “right, responsible thing” and postponed my own comfort and joy in the process, because I was working towards the life I wanted.

"Now I have a beautiful baby boy who I adore and want nothing more than to spend my days and nights with. My heart is so full of love and I have never been happier being his mum.

"I expressed this to my husband, and his only response is stress about money and being the sole provider. I just asked him to consider it, if we could look at our budget and how much we have in savings (a good bit, thanks to me). He said yes and then just never did. I resolved to go back to work because I don’t want to be the cause of his stress and unhappiness.

"But what about mine? I sacrificed all those years to get here, to help pay off his debt, to be mindful about money because he never is. I have patiently waited for him to grow up, figure out what he wants to do, and carried extra while he went back to school. And this is the thanks I get?

"I resent him for not wanting to step up and be a provider for his family. But I guess that’s not who I married."

She later added, "I’m not seeking to be some kind of trad wife, I just feel an extraordinarily strong pull to be with my BRAND NEW BABY who I SHARED A BODY WITH for the better part of a year."

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"It's not fair to resent your husband"

The post attracted hundreds of comments, many of which accused the new mum of simply not wanting to 'stick to the plan.'

"Sounds like OP is sad about mat leave ending and just wasn't quite emotionally prepared for how hard it would be. It's no one's fault, but it's not fair to penalize/resent hubby for wanting to stick with their plan," wrote one.

Another added, "I work full time and I wish I could stay home with my baby, but we can’t (don’t want to) afford it. If my husband asked me to be the sole income so he could stay home, I don’t think I would want to.

"We normalize this behavior because having one earner is fairly common but remember that what you’re asking of him is huge! It’s a lot of stress and responsibility to be the only person financially supporting a family."

And a third offered this perspective: "In this economy being a single income home is incredibly stressful and difficult. Are you aware of how much your husband makes and is it truly feasible for you to stay home? And it’s incredibly risky to put your savings on the line for this.

"You’ve sacrificed it’s true. But you can’t make him “owe” you for those choices that, at the time, were simply being done for the sake of you and your spouse."

Did you feel pressure to return to work from maternity leave sooner than you wanted to? Tell us in the comments on Facebook.