‘Doctors have told us to stop eating sausages right now - this is why I don’t care’

The shocking truth about sausage sizzles upset many Australians last week. But is it enough to stop us eating them entirely?

OPINION

Who decided that a long life is the best life?

I get that people are afraid of death because at least you know what’s happening in this world – but do you really want to live forever?

Sam of Melbourne recently wrote into news.com.au’s Ask Doctor Zac column, prompted by the ubiquitous democracy sausage pushed by school fundraising groups on election day, to inquire whether he was at risk of developing cancer due to his love of processed meats.

A long life does not always mean a good life, writes Caleb Bond. Picture: Supplied

Dr Turner’s advice was that you don’t have to give up on the snags entirely but one should keep in mind that “even small daily amounts of processed meat (just 50g a day – that’s two slices of ham) can increase your risk of bowel cancer by 18 per cent”.

And to that I say – so what?

We’re all going to die. Death and people who drive 20km/h under the limit speeding up when they come to an overtaking lane. There’s nothing surer.

So why sit around worrying about what it is that will eventually claim your life?

Perhaps if your diet consists exclusively of sausages and bacon, washed down with lashings of chocolate milk, then you ought to reconsider your habits but, otherwise, stop worrying about it.

If they had it their way, public health zealots would rid the world of anything remotely fun or tasty because... well, to be honest, I’m quite sure why.

Caleb will continue to drink wine and eat meat. Picture: Instagram / Caleb Bond

I do know that if they had their way it would sap most of us of the will to live, which is rather ironic.

The official recommendations for treating your body like a temple are comical.

You should have precisely zero cigarettes ever because “every cigarette is doing you damage”.

And that may well be true but let’s be real – it’s not people who had a few durries on the weekend in their 20s who are dropping with lung cancer.

The World Health Organisation deems processed meat a Group 1 carcinogen which, as a racing man, led me to think they must be the best carcinogen.

From a taste perspective, I was right.

Red meat is a Group 2A carcinogen which means it probably causes bowel cancer.

The Cancer Council says you should only eat 455g of cooked, lean red meat every week and suggests that 400g of raw red meat, once cooked, is enough to feed a family of four.

Perhaps a family of four toddlers.

Processed meats like sausages can have links to cancer, doctors say. Picture: iStock

They recommend that you “eat little, if any, processed meat”.

The Health Department says you should have no more than 10 standard drinks a week.

That makes your allotment six schooners of beer a week, or a bit more than a bottle of wine.

And God forbid you have more than four standard drinks in one sitting because, under government guidelines, that makes you a binge drinker.

A standard glass of wine is about 1.5 standard drinks so one glass before dinner, one with and one after – which would be pretty standard for a lot of people – and you’re in trouble.

I often joke that I treat my body like a temple – I desecrate it.

I’m not interested in making sure I live forever because I’m far more inclined to enjoy myself while I have breath in my lungs.

Caleb wants to enjoy his life. Picture: Instagram / Caleb Bond

To me, clean living is showering twice a day.

As the saying goes – I’m here for a good time, not a long time.

That doesn’t mean I want to drop dead tomorrow and I would take precautions if I was told that was likely but I’m not stressed about my mortality.

I drink quite a bit of red wine, I like a few pints before lunch, I eat quite a bit of blue cheese and I go through at least two cans of Coke Zero a day (sometimes mixed with bourbon).

If that shaves five years off my life then so be it.

I’d rather have fun than fastidiously look after my body so I can live to 98 – only to discover that I’m demented and can’t remember my family anymore because we weren’t designed to live that long.

If you’re enjoying yourself, and you’re not causing anyone else harm, then play on.

This article is not medical advice. Please address any health concerns with your doctor.

Originally published as ‘Doctors have told us to stop eating sausages right now - this is why I don’t care’