There’s a social media meme about how many exclamation marks to use in emails. Or, rather, the panicky internal debate that can be sparked by this dilemma. Is two unprofessional or too keen, but one – or none – not friendly enough? 

Chances are, I’ll overthink this issue when I email the Body+Soul editors with this article. From second-guessing a freelance pitch to worrying at 3am that I overshared with the barista, things have a tendency to take up rent-free residence in my mind.

Sound familiar? It’s no wonder: University of Michigan research suggests 73 per cent of those aged 25 to 35 and 52 per cent of 45 to 55ers experience overthinking, with women more likely to wrangle with it than men.

Psychologist Nancy Sokarno tells me the majority of her clients report this sort of rumination. “We can overthink the past, trying to break down a scenario that we’ve already experienced to make more sense of it,” she explains. “Or it’s about assessing a future situation and trying to gain some sort of control over how you might go into it. But we can get really stuck in that loop and just go over it again and again.”

Navigating these loops can impact wellbeing, from our energy levels to the opportunities we do and don’t end up taking. So, how can we start to break free for calmer, happier and more productive lives? I’m so ready to find out.

Prepare for a neuroscience fix: your overthinking brain is on your side, reveals Dr Gina Cleo, a habit researcher, adjunct professor at Bond University and author of The Habit Revolution. “In a way, our brains are planning and trying to mitigate potential things that can go wrong,” she says, adding that overthinking is actually a habit. “It feels like it’s protecting us, but we can create stress and anxiety in the process. And so much of what we overthink about doesn’t happen.” 

Is there a tipping point, I wonder, between these stressful spirals and pondering in a more beneficial way? It comes back to conscious intention, says Cleo. “You might think, ‘I’ve got XYZ coming up and I’m going to sit and reflect on it.’ That has intention. Whereas habits happen automatically – you could be overthinking and not realise you’re doing it.” 

She explains that cautious personalities are more susceptible, which certainly rings true for me. Throw worry bombs like perfectionism, social comparison and fear of failure into the mix, and it’s a dream recipe for a mulling mind.

Cleo believes overthinking may be more common in women, thanks in part to higher anxiety rates as well as the mental load that can fall on us. Interestingly, a 2017 neuroimaging study by Amen Clinics found the brains of women were more active than men’s in areas linked with mood, empathy and anxiety.

Whatever the driving factors, being in overthink mode is Just. So. Draining. My heart beats faster, my breathing gets shallower, my stomach lurches. As Sokarno puts it, “Sorting through anxious thoughts in an anxious mind is like trying to set up a tent in a tornado.” This can disrupt everything from sleep (overthinking loves an early wake-up call, right?) and concentration to how we solve problems and make choices.

“It’s like decision-making paralysis – you can’t come to an outcome because you feel so overwhelmed,” says Sokarno. We might talk ourselves out of going for opportunities, like a work promotion or spontaneous trip. Plus, feeling drained can make us less likely to stick to habits that boost mental wellbeing, notes Cleo, whether it’s exercise or social connection.

The power of present

As part of the Royal Flying Doctor Service in Alice Springs, nurse and midwife Prudence Wheelwright’s work is all about fast decisions and reactions – from emergency care in remote communities to evacuating patients. I’m keen to find out how the author of The Flying Nurse keeps thought overload at bay.

“The joy of my job is we never know what we’re walking into,” she says with a laugh. Continuous training enables Wheelwright and her colleagues to jump into action mode and trust in their abilities, which takes overthinking out of the equation. Supporting each other and debriefing after the fact also help her to reflect on a decision, perhaps take on new ideas for next time and ultimately move on. Above all, self-compassion is key. “You’re human,” she says. “We don’t and can’t know it all. We’re just doing the best we can.” 

Journalling is a big part of Wheelwright’s reflection approach and can be helpful for overthinkers. Sokarno suggests writing a ‘brain dump’ on the page (it doesn’t have to make sense) and “downloading the tornado outside of your mind” to give yourself some distance and perspective.

Also challenge anxious thoughts by writing down the ‘assumed outcome’ versus the ‘realistic outcome’. “For example, remind yourself: ‘Last time I was going into a social situation, my mind told me I would be judged. But that didn’t happen and I had a good time.’ Give yourself evidence against the worry.” 

Cleo recommends identifying common denominators. Does overthinking often happen around a certain time? “Perhaps you can pre-empt that at 3am you’ll wake and start worrying,” she says. “Now, reprogram another habit instead. Maybe let yourself overthink for a minute, then have something else to do, like breathwork or meditation.” With time, your brain starts to cement this more positive habit.

Breathwork and meditation also encourage your mind to stay calm, rather than spiralling into the past or future. My thoughts are quietest when I’m in nature or with my four-year-old nephew – nothing keeps me present like a discussion about who’d win a fight between a T-Rex and a Spinosaurus.

A calmer future

With so many of us sparring with our minds, scientists are on the case: an intervention called Rumination-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (RFCBT) holds particular promise, according to a 2023 study by US and UK teams. Both parties  recommend seeking professional support if rumination is impacting your daily life or you’re after coping strategies.

“We can all create new habits and break old ones, no matter how old we are,” adds Cleo. “Change your language so it aligns with a newer sense of identity. Say to yourself, ‘I used to be an overthinker, but I don’t do that anymore.’”

“At the end of the day, what others think doesn’t matter,” Wheelwright tells me. “What matters is how you’re going to get up in the morning, be happy and live your life.” It’s something I’ll keep in mind – right after I check that email again, OK?

If you or anyone you know needs mental health support, contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or visit beyondblue.org.au

How to break the loop 

Down an overthinking rabbit hole? Try these speedy strategies

Focus on your breath

Slow, deep belly breaths are like calming “hugs for your brain”, says Cleo. I like the five-finger technique: take one hand, then use the other to slowly trace each finger up as you inhale and down as you exhale.

Ground yourself

Return to the present moment by “noticing five things in the room, any sounds and what your clothes feel like on your skin”, suggests Cleo. Running your hands under cold water can also help, adds Sokarno.

Chart then chuck

“I find scribbling down worries helps to get them out,” shares Sokarno. “Then I’ll actually scrunch the paper and throw it in the bin.” Physically ditching negative thoughts can help us to mentally discard them, too, agree Ohio State University researchers.

Mix things up

Engage your brain in a fresh workout, recipe or anything new so it has less space for overthinking, tips Cleo. Bonus: a study in Nature Neuroscience found new, diverse experiences are linked to increased happiness.

“I have an overthinking toolkit”

Sophie Friggens, 43, shares how self-care helps her manage anxious mulling

“I’ve lived with chronic anxiety since I was a child and can pretty much overthink anything – work, friendships, even casual encounters with retail staff. The common thread that runs through my mind is my relationships with people and what I could’ve done differently in a certain situation. 

Sometimes I’ll dream up an entirely irrational scenario, but other times it’ll be brief and I can shift my thinking. Getting outside helps, including leaving my desk at lunchtime or walking my beagle, Dave. Listening to podcasts is great, too. 

I like true crime, conversation shows and ones where I’ll learn about something new – anything that keeps my mind from drifting into overdrive. I also see a therapist and take meds for my anxiety, which have been game changers.

My advice? Be kind to yourself, imagine what you would tell a friend if they were overthinking the same situation and don’t be afraid to seek professional help.”