'Thank you Jen, from all of us who can’t have kids'

‘I felt like I had to tell anyone and everyone who would listen that I was doing IVF so people wouldn’t think I was selfish.’

Image: Instagram/@biancadye

Radio host Bianca Dye has always been open about her battles with IVF, but Jennifer Aniston’s recent admission about her fertility battles finally gave Bianca the permission she didn’t know she was looking for. Here’s why…

Some celebrities give you “permission” to have a boob job. Some celebs give you “permission” to have big lips or own ridiculous products that make your bum look bigger.

For some reason somebody wealthy, famous, beautiful and powerful doing ‘something’ seems to give us “permission” to do it as well.

I know it’s a weird world that we live in but right now I want to thank Jennifer Aniston for giving me “permission”…and it’s nothing like any of the above.

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Jen has given me permission to let go.

To let go of all the torturous years of pressure myself (and others!) have put on me to be able to have a baby…

Jennifer Aniston is beautiful, wealthy, talented, and smart. For some weird reason, I now feel that if she can accept her fate so publicly, and make peace with it then damn it, so can I.

When I read Jen’s recent interview in Allure magazine I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Specifically the part where she says: “So here I am today. The ship has sailed……I have zero regrets, I actually feel a little relief now because there is no more, ‘Can I? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.’ I don’t have to think about that anymore.”

She said it! She SAID it! Thank you, Jen.

Image: Allure Magazine

I broke down into a sobbing mess when I read it. It spoke to the core of my soul and did for so many women who also have had to accept the fact that their “ship has sailed.” 

Why does it make it easier knowing that someone so incredible also has to face the same kind of pain that we normal humans do?

For some reason it really does make it easier. Is that just the shallow mess of schadenfreude? Or just knowing another woman has made this public, and therefore made it okay to let go?

And for that, perhaps, we are just grateful because we needed to hear it on a huge, public scale? We needed to hear the words so that we could let them sink in, and to accept them ourselves.

Bianca put herself through so much to have children. Image: Supplied

I don’t really have the answer, but I do know that Jennifer has given myself and millions of others permission to let go.

I’m not saying that that’s been easy. I have cried big ugly tears until I couldn’t cry any more. I have sat at work laughing with my co-hosts, but quietly dying on the inside knowing that my biological clock has been ticking for too long and it’s time to accept that it - like Jennifer‘s - has stopped. And that’s ok.

Like Jen, I also have had to face up to being a woman in the public eye. People I know, and work with, have make incredibly cruel, rude assumptions that I must’ve chosen my career over having a baby - just because I am (also) career driven.

Um…. no.

Having a successful career isn't synonymous with not wanting to be a mother. Image: Instagram/@biancadye

Jennifer said people mistook her ambition for some sort of selfishness. Which is (as we learnt) was absolute bullshit as she was doing IVF at the time. She just wasn’t telling anyone about it. I was the same, but I was telling everyone about it.

I felt like I had to tell anyone and everyone who would listen that I was doing IVF so people wouldn’t think I was selfish. Like, “Hey guys, I’m trying to have a baby too!! Just so you know, I’m not a narcissistic creature, and it’s not just all about me!”

But, what if it was all about me? God forbid a woman should dare choose a fulfilling and fabulous career over having a family.

Where would ‘fulfilment’ come from? How would they ever truly feel “real” love if they didn’t have a child to bestow it upon? Oh please. Shut up all of you.

There is a full life after trying IVF, and Jen knows that first hand. Image: iStock

No one has to have a baby to fulfil their purpose on earth. Whether you’re someone who has tried for a baby, or who has no intention of trying, the fact remains: whether you give birth or not does not make you a better human being than anyone else.

So Jen, thank you for helping so many of us let go of the idea of ever having a child.

Even though I don’t know you, and some days it’s still painful, somehow knowing that we’re going through the same thing makes the whole thing feel a little less lonely.

Bianca Dye is a Queensland-based radio host and TV presenter who is passionate about dismantling the stigmas around mental health and IVF. You can follow her here on Instagram.

Originally published as 'Thank you Jen, from all of us who can’t have kids'