Zoe Foster-Blake on her secrets to marriage success with husband Hamish Blake

She’s a best selling author, mum of two, skincare entrepreneur and a relationship expert. But despite her jam-packed life, Zoe Foster Blake says she won’t compromise on keeping the love alive with comedic husband Hamish Blake.

She’s a best selling author, mum of two, skincare entrepreneur and a relationship expert.

But despite her jam-packed life, Zoe Foster Blake says she won’t compromise on dedicating the time and effort to keep keeping the love alive with comedic husband Hamish Blake.

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THE DANGER OF ‘FINE’

‘We know we love each other, we’re happy, we work well together as a team, Mondays are for PT and on Saturdays we go to the market and we’re fine!’

Is fine ‘it’? Is fine all you want? All you aspire to? All you strive for?

I want more than fine, personally. I won’t settle for anything less than sexy, fully blown, breathtaking, heavenly, deeply romant — HAHAHA JK!!! I have two kids under five. I wouldn’t even dare to dream of such things.

But I do want more than fine.

Zoe with husband Hamish on holiday. Picture: Instagram

Relationships, like the people in them, evolve and mature and change. You are not who you were when you first met your partner, and nor am I. (When I met my partner.) (When I met your partner, I was drunk and wearing a frog suit.)
But this doesn’t mean that you don’t have to put in effort any more. That you take your partner for granted and assume that because there is an obvious, deep love and commitment and multiple legal entanglements, you can just shimmy into set-and-forget mode.

No. Don’t be that person. Be the person who wants to put in effort. Who says thanks for everything their partner does for the house and family and relationship. Who cares enough to give a little extra every now and then, so you don’t fall into the ‘fine’ trap.

Because fine is not good. If the best you can manage to say about your relationship is that it’s ‘fine’, and even worse you are okay with that, you’re in danger of becoming bored, resentful and complacent, and we all know who complacency hangs out with. (Barry Breakup.)

Hamish and Zoe Foster Blake and kids in Fiji, Picture: Instagram

Some little big things that make a difference:

MISS EACH OTHER

To stay together you also need to be apart. So, go do something with your mates, or family, or self, and give yourself a chance to miss each other.

A night or two is even better. A week is sensational.

It’s not as easy when there are kids involved, but if you each book in your time away at the start of the year, there is no resentment when one parent is gone, ’cos your very own trip to Vegas is just around the corner.

GET AWAY

Remove yourselves from home and daily life for a weekend.

Instil a no-device rule for most of it, play board games (choose one you can win, obviously), go for long walks and drink wine together at a table, with no TV on.

HAVE NO RULES NIGHT

Organise sleepovers for the kids with a noon pick- up the next day, and go nuts.

Nap at 8pm then go out late. Eat and drink far too much. Sleep in. Have sex. Read the papers. Play Xbox. Do stuff you did before kids.

Esther Perel (relationship messiah) calls it the curfew-free night, and it, is, awesome.

DO DATE NIGHT

I know the term is gross, get over it. If you can’t set aside a night weekly for each other, do it fortnightly, but no less.

After all, this is your baby boo! Go get a pizza with them already. It’s fun and it’s important and it shows you care about and respect each other.

Even grabbing a twenty-minute coffee during work hours counts. In fact it super counts.

HAVE PHONE-FREE TIME

Between 7 and 8pm, say, put your phones in another room.

We’re pathetic, weak, fallible humans! We must be strong! Especially when you, your partner and a bowl of pasta are at the table.

Respect your partner, and show them you care about being present with them.

Zoe Foster, Sonny and Hamish Blake Picture: Instagram

SURPRISE AND DELIGHT

Romantic love, as we all know, is 90 per cent about thoughtfulness, so BE THOUGHTFULERER.

A whiteboard-marker love note on the bathroom mirror. Lil’ bar of chocolate for them in their backpack. A meal they love. Buy them a book you know they’d like. Send them off to lunch with their bestie. Purchase them an apartment in Monaco. You know, stuff they’d like.

SAY IT

If your partner does something good, tell them. If they bring you a coffee, thank them. If you have a garbage day at work, so they pick you up and get the groceries, let them know how much you appreciate it, then and there.

STAY PHYSICAL

Sex and kissing are the first to go once the syrupy, sexy dating days have gone, and spontaneity bows down to routine.

But physical intimacy is important. So is human touch and affection.

I’m not saying you gotta schedule in sex every Sunday night, but I am saying it’s an important part of the relationship.

That said. Don’t feel pressured to have sex. Particularly if you have a baby or very young children, it will only exacerbate the awkwardness and the issue.

Sex is probably not gonna happen much when you have a baby in the house. That’s life. This does not mean you two are doomed, it just means you have a baby in the house.

DO THE STUFF YOU USED TO DO

Go to the old bars, cinemas, cafes or parks you did when you were dating. Do stuff that used to be fun. It still IS fun.

DO STUFF YOU’VE NEVER DONE

Encourage each other to try new stuff, cook new things, visit new places, book adventures and break routine.

If they hate their job, encourage them to leave! If they’re great at something, challenge them to pursue it! Move overseas together! Get fit together! Train for a marathon! Train for a Breaking Bad marathon! Etc.!

Edited extract from LOVE! by Zoë Foster Blake, published by Michael Joseph on February 5, RRP $45.00

Originally published as Zoe Foster-Blake on her secrets to marriage success with husband Hamish Blake