James Weir recaps the Kitchen Nightmares Australia disaster

Celebrity chef Colin Fassnidge has turned a suburban restaurant into “a joke” and the owner is furious. What seems like a PR disaster but it’s actually fantastic.

It has been a massive week for Australian television with drama unfolding behind the scenes of Channel 7’s Pimp My Restaurant and Neighbours returning like a long-lost evil twin on a dated soap opera.

Reality TV contestants are constantly being screwed over for our own personal entertainment but usually it only happens on dating shows. They get cheated on and then someone throws a glass of wine in their face. Now the bad luck is extending to reality shows about cooking.

The owner of a Sydney cafe is the latest reality TV victim after appearing on Channel 7’s Kitchen Nightmares Australia, saying she has lost thousands of dollars in business after the program completely rebranded and renovated her cafe, turning it into a Lebanese eatery to appeal to the area’s Lebanese demographic and changing its name to Cafe Tabouli.

It’s a clumsy idea but that’s what a show like this is all about: Big swings. They may as well have changed the name to Mrs Tabouli’s Big Falafel Joint.

Each week on Kitchen Nightmares Australia, celebrity chef Colin Fassnidge marches into suburban restaurants around the country and, after looking around for a good 30 seconds, starts making changes. Sometimes these changes are helpful. And sometimes they’re... not. They’re just ... not.

Since his overhaul, the owner of Mrs Tabouli’s Big Falafel Joint said members of the community have called the changes a “stupid idea” and branded her store “a joke”.

Colin Fassnidge hosts Pimp My Restaurant.

Colin got defensive about the owner’s criticisms and basically said, “Well, it’s not like it was good before!”

“It was a Chinese owned cafe serving terrible Middle Eastern bread and Italian food. It was also losing,” he said on radio.

On the surface this seems like a PR disaster but it’s actually fantastic. This is just what the show needs to be every week - Colin ruining small businesses with ridiculous ideas, all for our nation’s entertainment. The local sandwich shop that all the tradies get their smoko at? Overhaul the menu to upscale vegan fare. Then just roll the cameras so we can watch the tradies spitting tofu into the gutter.

The tagline for the show can be Colin yelling: “Well, it’s not like it was good before!”

Kitchen Nightmares is the Pimp My Ride of cooking shows. The MTV series from the early 2000s was also about taking big swings.

Each episode, a crappy run-down car would get restored and customized. But it was never a tasteful or elegant restoration - some sleek new upholstery or practical floor mats.

The whole purpose of Pimp My Ride was to take basic cars and turn them into a joke. They’d put a chandelier in a minivan. Then install a fish tank in the glove compartment. “Can we interest you in some strobe lights and a disco ball for your Toyota Yaris? No? Too bad - we installed them anyway. Buckle up your seatbelts - here come the hydraulics!”

Speaking of things that are completely unnecessary, let’s talk quickly about Neighbours.

The long-running Aussie soap got axed and aired its final episode in July.

And now, it’s coming back. Rebooted, if you will.

Can we ditch Ramsay Street and go find some better characters a few cul-de-sacs over?

Reboots are controversial. How soon is too soon for a show to be rebooted? It’s a philosophical question, similar to: How far away from the beach are dads allowed to walk in just their speedos before a public nuisance report can be officially lodged?

The only way to make this Neighbours reboot interesting is if we ditch those losers in Ramsay Street and go find some hotter people a few cul-de-sacs over.

Neighbours is the soap opera that cried wolf. Its cancellation was all a scare tactic to renew our interest. They’re gonna need to take some big swings to fix it.

Maybe Colin Fassnidge can provide some suggestions. After all, it’s not like it was good before.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Originally published as James Weir recaps the Kitchen Nightmares Australia disaster