Netflix hit Adolescene will be a great success if it manages to kickstart this critical conversation | Robyn Ingerson

Incels and Andrew Tate aren’t the only red flags that should have us on our guard, writes Robyn Ingerson.

Not since the Lindy Chamberlain trial has there been so much discussion in the workplace, amongst friends, around the dinner table – and online.

It’s because of the Netflix four-part series Adolescence – a fictional story of a 13-year-old boy accused of murdering a female classmate.

I binged all four episodes in one sitting, disappointed to realise episode four was the final one.

I found the story harrowing, the acting outstanding, to hear the scenes were filmed in one continuous shot is no small production feat.

Along with first-time actor Owen Cooper, who plays a leading role as 13-year-old Jamie Miller, demonstrating a remarkably mature and chilling portrayal of the character and accused murderer.

Despite being a fictional story, some of my friends, mothers of boys, have said: “I know the crime was dreadful, a girl died, but I couldn’t help feeling for Jamie – what got him to the point of killing, when he had friends, a loving family, he just felt like he didn’t fit and no one would want to be with him romantically, this is not uncommon, it could happen to any family.”

Owen Cooper as Jamie Miller in Adolescence. Picture: Netflix

My instant feeling was of relief that my own children were now through school, followed closely by reflection of the many issues that they may have dealt with that I was unaware of at the time.

It has sparked crucial conversations for families with young teens, the need to ensure connectedness, open dialogue with their kids, a presence – which is not always easy.

As a single mother I look back to when my kids where at this age, the awkward discussions around social media, consensual sex, pornography, what is love and what is not, drugs, bullying, drinking, smoking, vaping, cutting, eating disorders, anxiety, exclusion – there was a lot to cover.

There were tough times when they felt excluded, frustrated, and lost. As they say, you are only ever as happy as your unhappiest child.

I remember saying, “I will not judge you, just tell the truth and we will deal with whatever the situation might be.”

I was lucky. There were blips but no big issues.

I think now, how would I have managed this Adolescence scenario?

Stephen Graham as Eddie Miller in Adolescence. Picture: Netflix

One scene in particular with the father, Eddie Miller, played by actor and co-creator of the series, Stephen Graham, was my undoing.

In Adolescence it covers topics that most parents are possibly not aware are key issues for young teen boys especially, such as masculinity, social media, bullying, pornography and how to manage their anger.

A friend, whose son had what she explains as “terrifying outbursts as a young boy”, said: “There were not enough tools provided on how to manage their emotions.

“There needs to be more role modelling to demonstrate healthy and respectful masculinity, calling out toxic behaviour.

“I think we as mothers are far more accepting of the emotional rollercoaster our daughter’s experience.”

I saw this in the unveiling of the term “incel” – which I had not heard before – referring to young men who define themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite wanting one, they are involuntarily celibate, and may blame, objectify and denigrate women and girls as a result.

They are angry and cannot process their feelings.

Another parent described: “It was heart breaking to watch Adolescence as a mother witnessing one of my son’s getting bullied online, seeing him potentially suicidal.

“My boys have loving parents that respect each other yet at school it is a game, they are aware of influencers like Andrew Tate, dubbed ‘the King of toxic masculinity’, the misuse of AI, the gaming and detaching from reality, the lying, the bullying, the humiliation and rejection if they are not liked, let alone desired, the incel culture.”

Notorious influencer Andrew Tate in Romania where he is facing rape and human trafficking charges, after a trip to the US. Picture: Daniel Mihailescu/AFP

Parents need to ask themselves: Do they really know what their kids are doing online?

What safety precautions need to be administered at home?

Our kids are living in two worlds, the schoolyard and online. It is a start that federal parliament have passed legislation to ban teenagers under 16 years of age from having an account with some social media platforms, however these kids are crafty, and will find loopholes to access whatever they want to view.

As a parent you need to acknowledge kids do not want to talk to you about these things, the significance of their peers, teachers, mentors, the importance of organisations such as Reach Foundation – who have had 30 years of successful experience with young leaders talking to teens about resilience, self-awareness and connection, which is far more relatable than teens being talked to by adults.

If Adolescence does nothing else but create awareness and ignite crucial conversations within families, school communities, education departments and youth service providers, then that is a great achievement.

Originally published as Netflix hit Adolescene will be a great success if it manages to kickstart this critical conversation | Robyn Ingerson