Leigh Paatsch: Mega free-to-air weekend movie guide
There’s a movie for everyone on free-to-air TV over the coming nights. Leigh Paatsch uncovers the best viewing options for your weekend.
Leigh Paatsch
Don't miss out on the headlines from Leigh Paatsch. Followed categories will be added to My News.
FRIDAY
A STAR IS BORN
*****
8:30 PM CH.7
This spectacularly alive, astute and absorbing modern rendition of the classic Hollywood melodrama A Star is Born is one of the great all-round movie experiences of the past decade. This is no mere modern cover version humming the same old tune. Making a brilliant debut as director, Bradley Cooper has rearranged a well- known melody into a fresh, exciting and moving new composition. There is one voice above all else emitting a sound so sweet, sorrowful and soulful that resistance is all but impossible. It is that of famous pop diva Lady Gaga, making an astonishing feature lead acting debut in the role of Ally, an aspiring singer-songwriter who catches the ear and heart of a troubled roots rock musician (Cooper again). While Gaga’s uncharacteristically raw musical performances here are first class, her dramatic performance is just as impressive. The first-timer exudes a natural warmth and unforced emotional authenticity that would be beyond the grasp of most seasoned pros. A resolute triumph in all departments.
X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST
**1/2
7:30 PM 7 MATE
This Marvel blockbuster starts out fast, furious and funky - let’s go to the 1970s, everyone! - before fizzling out to a forced, flat effort. Designed as a joint venture to bring us the best of both X-Men worlds (i.e. the Patrick Stewart-led original series, and the new James McAvoy one), the storyline gradually gets caught up in an incoherent tangle from which it can never properly free itself. The best part about Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) taking an urgent time-travel trip to Watergate-era Washington is when he briefly crosses paths with super-fast slacker Quicksilver (Evan Peters). A big cast labours hard, but not always for the greater good. Effects work can be breathtaking at times, as expected. Co-stars Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Fassbender, Ellen Page.
THE MONUMENTS MEN
**1/2
8:30 PM 7 FLIX
It’s a movie about war, where the war is all but over. It’s a movie about art, where the art is mostly packed up in boxes off-screen. It’s also a movie where George Clooney is calling all shots on both sides of the camera. Matt Damon, John Goodman, Bill Murray and others join Clooney to play a secret squad of US art experts working out of Europe in the dying days of WW2. Hitler is trying to make off with countless priceless treasures, and only this motley lot can stop him. Anyone hoping for some military Ocean’s Eleven- style high-jinks will be slightly disappointed by what transpires instead. The cast work together well in termsof catchy camaraderie, but the (kind of true) story never quite catches on.
JASON BOURNE
***
8:30 PM CH. 9
After a 9-year hiatus, the famed amnesiac assassin is played once more by Matt Damon. The big hook here is that Jase is about to finally find out who he used to be. As the blanks are filled in, Bourne also becomes involved in a vast new conspiracy concerning his former CIA handlers and a sinister data-mining program. Definitely a notch beneath last decade’s trailblazing trilogy of Damon-powered vehicles. Nevertheless, it does do a fine job of re-establishing a franchise that still has some fuel left in the tank for future instalments. Most fans will come to detect the essence of the Bourne character has changed somewhat. He might well now know who he is. But will the ever understand what he is? Co-stars Tommy Lee Jones, Alicia Vikander.
TURBO
***
6:40 PM GO!
Here we have the stirring story of Theo (voiced by Ryan Reynolds), the fastest snail to ever contest the Indianapolis 500. As you may have gathered, Theo is no ordinary snail. A freak accident has left him with a 300 km/hr surge of acceleration. This genial animated adventure is, quite simply, one very cruisy joy ride for younger viewers. The standard of animation is probably a few cylinders shy of Pixar’s V8 visuals for their Cars movies, but still convey the motion-blurred adrenalin rush of racetrack conditions with great aplomb.
TRANSFORMERS
***1/2
8.30 P.M. GO!
The wow factor is deployed to brilliant, guilty-pleasure effect by director Michael Bay (Armageddon) in this blockbuster expansion of the 1980s action-figure phenomenon. It might well be a 143-minute movie about shape-shifting intergalactic robots using our planet to work through their anger-management issues, but you won’t be bored for a moment once the scenery-shredding action sequences kick-in. OK, so all the sequels sucked. It does not diminish the solid status of the original. Stars Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, John Turturro.
WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP
***
7:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
Slam-dunkingly satisfying sports comedy about two basketball hustlers (Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes) teaming up for an alley-oop of a payday, despite crying foul about each other’s off-court lifestyle. Another three-pointer from Ron Shelton, the writer-director of Bull Durham and Tin Cup.
13 MINUTES
****
9:40 PM WORLD MOVIES
The title is of the utmost significance in this intermittently compelling German factual drama. In November 1939, underground activist Georg Elser (Christian Friedel) had the opportunity to powerfully change the course of 20th century history. However, the bomb he had rigged to kill Adolf Hitler did not detonate until shortly after the Nazi dictator had left the building. The film focuses largely on the torrid (and often violent) interrogation of Elser by the Gestapo, who refuse to believe this unremarkable clockmaker could have acted alone. While 13 Minutes has taken significant liberties with this true story - one of the great “what if?” yarns of modern times - there is just enough substance to its sombre interpretation that justifies a closer look. Directed by Oliver Hirschbiegel (Downfall).
SATURDAY
LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
****
7:30 PM CH. 7
As any card-carrying LOTR fan will tell you, this spectacular culmination of the timeless Tolkien trilogy doesn’t really work as a standalone view. However, when experienced in its rightful place in the sequence, the finale comes alive in a way that its predecessors did not. All three LOTR films still look great visually, despite the advances since logged in screen technology.
DRACULA UNTOLD
**1/2
10:00 PM 7MATE
Most vampire movies are a little camp. By comparison, Dracula Untold is a tent city. This cheesy (and at a zippy running time of 90 minutes) relatively breezy affair reveals how a little-known 15th century Transylvanian prince became the biggest bloodsucker the world has ever seen. Vlad the Impaler (played by Welsh heart-throb Luke Evans) starts out proceedings as a right royal family man. He loves his wife (Sarah Gadon), his kid (Art Parkinson) and his homeland. So with all three under threat from marauding Turkish warlords, Vlad accepts an offer to temporarily become a vampire warrior to repel them. All Vlad has to do is avoid drinking human blood for 3 days. What could possibly go wrong with such a simple plan? If you don’t know the answer, you need to get out more often.
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: SECRET OF THE TOMB
***
7:00 PM 7FLIX
Fans of the Night at the Museum effect will be content enough with this final offering, which sees Ben Stiller and friends leaving America behind for a tour of duty in England. The core charm of the series has always revolved around fusty old exhibits coming to life after opening hours, and the novelty still hasn’t quite worn off. There’s some nice support work from new franchise addition Rebel Wilson, and the prominence of Robin Williams (in one of his final screen appearances) throughout adds a layer of poignancy to events. Co-stars Owen Wilson, Steve Coogan, Ricky Gervais.
ARGO
****1/2
9:00 PM 7FLIX
We all turn to the movies for one reason : escape. The brilliant thriller Argo tells the staggering true story of a world superpower that turned to the movies for the very same reason. At the height of the Iran hostage crisis in 1979, six US Embassy staff evade capture by militant extremists. As they continue to hide in secret in Tehran, a CIA agent (Ben Affleck) concocts a bizarre scheme to bring them home. Posing as a film producer, the spy must persuade the Iranians he intends to shoot a bizarre sci-film production in their country. It is no small compliment to hail Argo as one heck of an efficient movie machine. The product it churns out - packed not only with gripping drama, but great comedy as well - just cannot fail to impress. The screenplay is the key, knowing just when to stick to the facts, and when to embellish them. Directed by Affleck, a talent behind the camera who should do more of this kind of thing much mire often.
THE DA VINCI CODE
**
7:30 PM CH. 9
Director Ron Howard’s blockbuster adaptation of Dan Brown’s Catholic Church-baiting page-turner is a dull slog for most of its turgid two-and-a-half hours. Too much over-explanatory chatter keeps the excitement fact way down low. As for any chemistry between mismatched leads Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou, forget it. A flick that sags where the book soars. You know a movie is in trouble when a scene ends with someone saying “We’ve got to get a library, fast!”
FIREWALL
**1/2
10:30 PM CH. 9
After his wife and children are taken hostage, an online banking controller (Harrison Ford) must open a hole in the system to let some hackers in. Plenty of high-tech gadgets and a nutty British psychopath (Paul Bettany) as the principal villain cannot cover for the fact we have seen this basic premise many times before.
QUANTUM OF SOLACE
***
9:00 PM GO!
An above-average action movie, but as a James Bond production, a slight disappointment. Picking up the story just minutes after the tragic climax of 2006’s Casino Royale, the follow-up tracks a decidedly bleak and embittered 007 (Daniel Craig) on a rogue mission to avenge the death of his soulmate. The breakneck pace established by a throttling car chase in the opening scenes is maintained throughout the picture. However, something about Craig’s new and nastier Bond just isn’t adding up this time : the physically indestructible side of him never quite equates with his mentally fragile nature. Always gilt-edged, rarely golden. Co-stars Olga Kurylenko, Judi Dench, Mathieu Amalric.
SHALL WE DANCE?
***
10:00 PM GEM
A sunny, life-affirming celebration of simply hoofing it, any old how. Richard Gere stars as a successful lawyer who keeps his passion for ballroom dancing a secret from his wife (Susan Sarandon) and family. Jennifer Lopez as a mysterious instructor.
THE MERGER
**
10:00 PM CH. 10
This Australian-made comedy about an ailing country Aussie Rules team coming back from the dead after recruiting refugees to fill an empty teamsheet is a tough one to rate. The movie is easy to admire throughout: its heart is proudly in the right place, and the affection it holds for a refreshingly diverse array of characters is sincere and infectious. However, when viewed purely as a comedy that must amuse an audience for 100 minutes straight, The Merger falls short of the mark. It is not an intelligence thing. The way in which the movie good-naturedly highlights racial tensions in rural communities is as clever as it is well-reasoned. But it is a wit thing. The script is so overwritten yet underdone when it comes to great lines or decent jokes, that the whole experience becomes an unintentional endurance test. Writer Damien Callinan also stars as the former footy legend (and present-day town pariah) who coaches his exotic charges into the good books of the locals.
DEEP BLUE SEA
**1/2
8:30 PM 10 SHAKE
Very pulpy (and sort of enjoyable) update of Jaws, with just enough tricks up its sleeve to distract us from the standard pleased-to-eat-you plotline. As three rogue super-sharks chase their former captors (meddling scientists who enlarged the fish’s brains to come up with a cure for Alzheimer’s!) through a flooding underwater research facility, the bites, fights and frights just keep coming, with little or no let-up. With some diabolically dumb acting on display (not even solid performers like Samuel L. Jackson or our own Jacqueline McKenzie can make their shocking lines sound good), the animatronic man-munchers are the true stars of the show.
GONE IN 60 SECONDS
***
10:35 PM 10 SHAKE
Crack car-thief Randall (Nicolas Cage) is handed the seemingly impossible task of hijacking 50 sets of wheels in 72 hours. If our hero fails to meet this order - laid down by a corrupt exporter (Christopher Eccleston) - then Randall’s younger brother Kip (Giovanni Ribisi) has a one-way ticket to the wreckers. Not just pitched at the petrolheads, but also aimed at the many secret Schumachers among us who still get a buzz from busting the speed limit when no-one’s looking.
THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
***
8.30 P.M. WORLD MOVIES
Quality political thriller starring (and also directed by) Robert Redford. He plays Jim Grant, a fugitive political activist who has been wanted by the FBI for over three decades. Now Grant wants to come in from the cold to clear his name on a murder charge that should never have stuck in the first place. There is a lot of a plot to chew through here, and some of it is a little hard to digest if you’re not familiar with the radical politics of yesteryear. Thank heavens, then, for the great support Redford draws from support players such as Nick Nolte, Shia LaBeouf, Stanley Tucci and the great Julie Christie.
THE DEBT
**1/2
10:45 PM WORLD MOVIES
A balloon-ish thriller puffed up by much hot air. Nevertheless, for all its indulgences, this remake of the Israeli box-office hit Ha-Hov is still capable of winding you up without working you over. The film scurries about two distinct timeframes, always trying to look busier than actually is. In 1997, three former Mossad agents are still the toast of Israel for their daring Nazi-hunting exploits in East Germany in the 1960s. Once we journey to the time in question, it turns out there was more to their adventures than first met the eye. The flashback section of the picture works best, albeit in a Lives of Others-lite kind of way. Stars Helen Mirren, Jessica Chastain, Sam Worthington.
SUNDAY
RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD 2
**
8:30 PM & 10:30 PM 7MATE
A double bill of death, destruction, and dubious use of the English language, for those who feel so inclined. Sylvester Stallone wasn’t trying too hard in either of these sequels, and can barely be bothered concealing his lack of enthusiasm. Still, both movies plonked eight-figure deposits in his bank account, so that must have been something for Sly to get excited about, right?
KELLY’S HEROES
***
8:30 PM 7TWO
Clint Eastwood is Private Kelly, busted down in rank from Lieutenant for infractions earlier in World War 2. Now it is 1944, and the crafty Kelly has got wind of a major stash of gold bullion about fifty miles behind German-controlled lines. Rounding up a rag-tag crew of uniformed pals, Kelly goes after the big-bucks payday he’s always dreamed of. The movie as a whole is a bit of a lark compared to war flicks of similar scale and running time. The usually unemotive Eastwood is more engaged than usual, clearly having a whale of a time with a fruity support cast that includes the likes of Don Rickles, Donald Sutherland and Telly Savalas.
LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER THE CRADLE OF LIFE
**
7:30 PM GO!
Mediocre sequel cut from the same drab cloth that sealed the original Tomb Raider to its forgettable fate. Yes, Angelina Jolie is stunning to look at - and all the usual event-film elements are exactly where they should be – but there’s just no tension to be derived from waiting to see whether Lara or the bad guys will get their hands on the fabled Pandora’s Box first. Jolie snaffled a cool $15 million for her work here. Doubt Hollywood will ever be coughing up those kinda wages for anyone after the big lockdown is over.
JOHN WICK
***1/2
10:00 PM GO!
Meet John Wick. He is played by Keanu Reeves, but that’s not important right now. What is important is that John Wick is having a bloody tough time of it. His beloved wife, a real babe, has just died. His beloved car, a classic 1969 Mustang, has just been stolen. His beloved pet, a late-model adorable puppy, has just been assassinated. While an incurable disease was responsible for the first tragic event, the same set of Russian mobsters is to blame for the next two. Guess who’s gonna get mad, get even and get his rocks off doing so? Though defiantly trashy in nature, this is actually one of the best-crafted action films of the past decade. Some inspired fight choreography and innovative camera work infuse the pulpy proceedings with a controlled aggression that grabs a viewer and simply never lets go.
THE WORLD’S FASTEST INDIAN
***
6:10 PM WORLD MOVIES
In 1967, retired NZ mechanic Burt Munro (Anthony Hopkins) ventures to the US with his vintage 1920 motorcycle to break the world land speed record. Charming feelgood fare saved from a sickly sweet demise by a deceptively strong performance from Hopkins. Best scenes highlight Munro’s unorthodox modifications to his ride’s engine, which include the use of door hinges, bottle corks and paper clips!
Originally published as Leigh Paatsch: Mega free-to-air weekend movie guide
Why Joker sequel is greatest folly of 2024
Five years since promising there would be no sequel to The Joker, Todd Phillips has delivered one – and it comes as no surprise Joker: Folie a Deux is a folly and worse, writes Leigh Paatsch.
Why feel-good movie is better than name suggests
Look past that ungainly name and see something special in the warm and witty feel-good My Old Ass, writes Leigh Paatsch.