Joan Rivers’ best jokes

IN a career spanning more than 50 years, Joan Rivers consistently made millions of people laugh with her razor sharp one-liners. These are 10 of her best.

JOAN Rivers has passed away, but her witty one-liners will live on for many years to come.

Whether it was a stinging attack on a celebrity’s bizarre outfit or a self-deprecating quip about her appearance, Rivers was always armed with a line that could make even the most humourless people crack a smile.

JOAN RIVERS DIES, AGED 81

In a career spanning more than 50 years, Rivers wrote thousands of jokes, but here are 10 of her most memorable one-liners:

Joan Rivers poses next to her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1989.

* “I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.”

THE QUEEN OF MEAN: AN O-BITCH-UARY

* “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.”

* “I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to Tupperware.”

Joan Rivers was roasted on the Comedy Channel in 2009.

* “I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again.”

* “My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.”

* “I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ‘The man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”

Joan Rivers appears with Jimmy Fallon during his debut on The Tonight Show in New York.

* “I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

* “I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, ‘Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.’”

* “I once asked my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘Because I don’t want to wake you up.’”

* “My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.”

Joan Rivers in Los Angeles in 1965.

Originally published as Joan Rivers’ best jokes