‘They called her Hades?’ Why grandparents are griping about baby names

One in five grandparents hate the name of their grandchild but a psychologist warns it’s better to keep tight-lipped than share your views.

A survey has revealed one in five grandparents hate their grandchild’s name. Picture: Getty Images

They’d been considering Violet or Amelia. Pretty names that wouldn’t cause offence.

But at the last minute the young couple changed their mind.

Their newborn daughter, they announced shortly after her birth, would be called Hades.

“As in the Greek God of the underworld?” queried a relative.

The parents explained that the name could also mean “unseen”.

“Well, she won’t be with a name like that,” huffed the relative, relaying with horror the name to her aquarobics group.

Welcome to the modern baby-naming battlefield where one generation wants a name that’s original and symbolic while the other fears they’ll be the ones forking out for their grandchild’s therapy.

As a survey reveals that one in five grandparents hate their grandchild’s name, with 69 per cent thinking it’s fine to give an opinion if asked, perhaps the conflict is due to the rise of the highly involved grandparent stumping up everything from free childcare to a house deposit.

Combine that with the increased parental desire for individuality and a wearying predilection for creative spelling and suddenly the name game isn’t much fun.

With plenty of Boomers now working as unpaid carers for their grandchildren, is meddling in their monikers now acceptable? After all if it’s Nana or Pop rather than Mum or Dad calling out Hades, Lucifer, Juniper or Trout in the park, shouldn’t they have a say?

“Some names may sound foreign or strange to grandparents and they may feel they have a right to vocalise their thoughts, especially if they’re heavily involved with caring for the baby, but I wouldn’t recommend giving an opinion unless explicitly asked,” says psychologist Jacqui Manning, known as The Friendly Psychologist.

Nearly 70 per cent of grandparents surveyed said it was ok to share their opinion of a grandchild’s name if asked by parents. Picture: Getty Images

“In the past, generations stuck to traditional names whereas now anything goes. If they do feel the need to tell the truth they could say something like, ‘It wouldn’t have been my first choice’ or something equally benign.”

According to the recent Gransnet survey, grandparents complained because names were ugly (28%), old-fashioned (11%) or weird (17%). They also objected to names honouring other grandparents (11%) which might read less as distaste and more as spite.

Indeed, the latest data has revealed the harrumphing occurring in retirement communities and golf clubs as grandparents pine for the day when inoffensive Christophers, Andrews and Joans filled the classrooms. When you spent all of 15 minutes considering whether Mark or Michael might match best with your surname, it’s no wonder grandparents are frustrated by their offspring naming their bubs after Greek gods, obscure candle aromatics and items from at IKEA catalogue.

In the past babies were given good solid names that didn’t trouble teachers or the tax office. In naming their offspring Susan or Derek, parents had twin aims: ensuring their kids weren’t bullied and smoothing their path to getting a job. But in the social media age you don’t just name a baby, you give them a “brand”. Names aren’t just a label, they’re statements, manifestations, mood boards with vowels.

Oh God, the vowels. Never in the history of English have five innocent letters been blitzed into alphabet soup to produce such baffling concoctions as Emmaleigh, Sofeeyah, Noaah and Willeeum. For every parent contriving names that are half poetry, half Wi-Fi password there’s a future adult limping through life under the burden of their moniker and the exasperation of having to order their coffee for “Ben”.

Even the trend of disinterring the names of long-dead relatives is problematic. I know of a grandparent whose face forms a sucked lemon every time her granddaughter’s name is mentioned. “Norma” was chosen by her son-in-law because it was the name of his adored grandmother. If they were going down that route, Norma’s grandmother has conveyed sniffily to friends, surely they could’ve chosen from her daughter’s side of the family. Kathleen and June, she points out, are far less, well, orthopaedic.

Parents are increasingly choosing non-traditional names or using creative spelling for common names to give them more individuality. Picture: Getty Images

But Dot, Gertrude, Walter and Arthur are making a comeback (coincidentally at a time when Barry, Kevin and Bruce are being repurposed for dogs). So how can parents and grandparents communicate to avoid conflict when one thinks a name sounds delightfully vintage while the other mutters that it reeks of mothballs?

Obviously offering gentle input early, ideally before the epidural, means you could see off problems before birth but only if asked. Humour also helps. Perhaps over a bottle of wine (not the expectant mother obvs) everyone could practice yelling potential names as if in a school playground.

But Manning believes parents should keep their prospective names quiet until the baby is born. As she says: “It’s much easier to criticise a name or get a thousand conflicting opinions when it’s a concept but once the baby arrives an emotional connection is formed making it harder for a grandparent to say: ‘I don’t like it’.”

She points out that new parents are often exhausted and grandparents should treat lightly, only taking issue with a name if there’s a glaring problem with the child’s initials or the parents have overlooked how the first name and surname might sound together. Think Callum Murray.

As for new parents, the decoy approach - also known as emotional manipulation - is a clever device for getting a name through the grandparents.

Announce that the child is to be named Zephyr Kale Moonshine and as the grandparents’ cough and splutter, say you’re kidding and the baby’s real name is Herbert. Trust me, they’ll be relieved.

As for Hades, you can always call her “sweetheart” or “blossom”. Even as you’re thinking hellspawn.

Originally published as ‘They called her Hades?’ Why grandparents are griping about baby names