Ballet for boys and ninjas for girls: Let’s rewrite gender rules
From pink and blue gender reveals to picking sport for kids, the CEO of Gender Equity Victoria wants parents to challenge well-worn norms for boys and girls.
Children are celebrated before they are born, and rightly so. But there is one simple act during pregnancy that’s gained traction over the last five or so years in Australia that gets my hackles up – gender reveals.
You know the ones – whether they involve a balloon, a confetti bomb or a coloured cupcake – we sit through video (or real life) where the parents’ reaction to finding out their baby’s ‘gender’ is on full display for all to see.
The irony is, that what in fact is happening is parents are finding out the biological sex of their child – and sharing this news with gender stereotypical colours such as ‘pink for girls, blue for boys’.
The celebration of ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ sets into motion a series of environmental cues that can influence everything – from the clothing bought to toys purchased through to conversations about the child’s future.
Now before some of you decree ‘nanny state’ or the ‘fun police are here’ I am not advocating for any cancellation of ‘reveals’, I’m simply asking people to think about how a child’s experiences during pregnancy and early childhood have a lifelong impact on their wellbeing, and if these subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) gendered expectations communicated through ‘gender reveals’ are literally wiring our babies’ brains for gender inequality from before they are born?
I would argue yes. And as a mother to two boisterous sons, I cannot tell you the amount of times strangers, family and friends have made comments to me based on my sons’ genders that alludes to the fact I might be ‘missing out’ by not having a girl.
For the record, I love being a mum with sons. And I’ve made it my mission to make sure they know it’s okay to be themselves – whether that’s through expressing themselves through long hair, collecting Labubu or wearing their soccer uniforms all weekend, I’m here for it.
But, disappointingly, it seems many are not.
What has struck me raising two young boys and observing their family and friends is the amount of gender bias and inequality around everyday things that should be normal for our kids.
Take sport, for example.
An activity that many kids in communities across the country choose to participate in. And yet, by the time some kids get to their first year of school, they are already being separated into boys and girls groups during sport activities.
This tells our kids that girls can’t play sports with boys, and vice versa. We make excuses or noises about boys being rougher, but from what I’ve seen on the sporting field, girls are just as tough and we’re doing them all a disservice separating them at such a young age.
Particularly at five and six years old, kids are just kids! And a love of sport should be something that brings all kids together, not divides them.
This week is National Children’s Week, and offers us the rare opportunity in our too-scheduled lives to think about what our kids might actually need from us in order to thrive.
Think about the small, seemingly insignificant gendered comments you make every day that might cause your children to think twice about how they see themselves.
The comments about not wearing the tutu down the street to your two year old son, who thinks he looks fabulous in tulle.
Or your daughter who loves to tinker and is regularly seen marching around with her tool belt. Sure, you might be worried about what other people think or the looks you’re going to get, but let’s be honest, the only thing that matters is that your child feels amazing in what they’re wearing.
And what about the sport you choose for your child? Or the extra curricular activity you sign them up to when they’re three years old?
What are the choices we make at this time, when they know nothing about what girls and boys ‘should’ be doing or playing, reinforcing to our kids as they get older. Ballet = for girls? Little Ninjas = for boys?
What would happen if we flipped the gender narrative on the head? Imagine a world for our kids without them needing to navigate comments like ‘you can’t have long hair if you’re a boy’ or ‘girls don’t do karate’.
The theme for this year’s National Children’s Week is that everyone should know about children’s human rights. Our children learn about their rights through lived experience – being heard, having their choices respected and their boundaries honoured.
When we allow our kids to develop free from gender rigid stereotypes, we teach them their first lesson about human rights: that they have an inherent worth and agency regardless of their gender.
These children then grow up understanding and experiencing equal rights and become adults who champion rights for themselves and others. That sounds like a pretty good world to me.
So, this week, let’s take it as an opportunity to change the gender narrative and work towards a world that’s more equal for our kids.
Leave a comment or let us know what you think at education@news.com.au
Originally published as Ballet for boys and ninjas for girls: Let’s rewrite gender rules
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