Should kids be forced to turn their bullies into besties?
Parents and experts are divided over whether healing should replace punishment when combating bullying in schools. Is restorative justice useful or just “kumbaya therapy?”
Education
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Bullied students should be encouraged to make besties with their bullies, a leading parents’
group says.
The Australian Council of State School Organisations (ACSSO), a member of the Federal
Education Minister’s Anti-Bullying Rapid Review Reference Group, wants “healing over
punishment” as a key way to reduce bullying in schools.
But the suggestion has been dismissed by one expert as “kumbaya therapy”.
ACSSO’s survey of parents shows seven in ten families reported their children had
experienced, witnessed or been involved in bullying in the past two years. More than half of
the targets had been bullied for six months or longer, sometimes on a daily basis.
But less than one in ten felt the school responded effectively.
ACSSO CEO Dianne Giblin said restorative justice — a formal approach which brings the
bullied and bully together in supervised, formal, facilitated meetings – could be effective.
“Restorative practices must be consent-based and never applied without safeguards to
prevent re-traumatisation,” she said.
“Support for students involved in bullying — whether as victims or those displaying bullying
behaviours — must prioritise healing, accountability, and safety.”
However, she said “students must not be pressured to engage in restorative practices, and
consent must be informed, ongoing, and reversible”.
ACSSO, the peak national body representing families of children in government schools, is
one of more than 1600 bodies and individuals that have lodged a submission in the
government review.
Child and adolescent psychologist Clare Rowe said “the last things bullies need are kumbaya
therapy sessions”.
“The model tries to restore or create a relationship or friendship where there often wasn’t
one in the first place.
“Kids are bullying others because they are getting something out of it.
“It might be different if two friends fall out, then there’s a relationship to mend, but if the
bullying has been targeted over months and months then lunchtime chats with the bully
aren’t going to work.”
She also called for a pathway for parents to escalate concerns when schools did not deal
with it properly.
The use of restorative justice is not supported by Dr Zach Greig, a who founded the Stand-
Up Project.
“The students I work with every day are terrified of being forced to make ‘friends’ with the
person who harmed them,” he said.
“Using these approaches coercively, especially in cases of repeated or power-imbalanced
bullying, risks re-traumatising the target or silencing their experience altogether,” Dr Greig
said.
“Instead of pressuring students to reconcile with their bullies, we should be equipping them
and their peers with the skills to safely intervene, seek help, and rebuild confidence.”
One mother, Bernadette, who fought for many years for the bullying of her son to stop at a
country Victorian Catholic school, questioned the benefits of restorative justice.
“Why would it work when the kids have already gotten away with it?” she said.
“Putting kids in the same room as their bully is not the thing to do.”
Her son, now 17, has left school and is now in TAFE. He has ongoing trauma and PTSD from years of being tormented by as many as ten bullies during his secondary school years.
“They have destroyed him. For my son, the big thing was wanting an apology and knowing
that those who did it were punished. The bullies should be named and shamed, punished
and suspended, Bernadette said.
“But families have no rights, they don’t even know what happens to the bullies.” She does not want her name used to protect her son.
Restorative justice is used in some states around Australia, including Victoria, New South
Wales, Queensland and South Australia.
Education Minister Jason Clare said bullying was cruel and dangerous.
“We commissioned the Anti Bullying Rapid Review to inform the national standard, making sure it’s grounded in evidence and informed by lived experiences,” he said.
“The review report will be delivered to me and state and territory education ministers in October, and we will carefully consider those recommendations to get this right.”
Federal Opposition Education spokesman Jonno Duniam said: “Unfortunately, bullying is rife in our schoolyards. This is something that must be dealt with immediately.
“All parents have a responsibility to raise kids that can treat each other with respect, not bullies that behave badly towards other kids or their teachers.”
Got an education story tip? Email education@news.com.au
The ACSSO Survey found:
• A third of families said the school response was not effective.
• One in five parents said school intervention made bullying worse.
• Less than one in ten parents thought the school’s response was very effective.
• Nearly 30 per cent said their child didn’t want the incident reported
• One third also cited communication challenges with staff.
• Over 70% of families said their child experienced anxiety or stress due to the bullying.
Originally published as Should kids be forced to turn their bullies into besties?
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