Expert reveals the social media apps parents should ban for children under 16
Parents have long been warned to keep their children off social media – but not everyone agrees.
“Half of my friends have an eating disorder from TikTok, and the other half are lying,” a teen girl told filmmaker Lauren Greenfield.
“Social media makes a lot of teens feel like crap but they don’t know how to stop using it,” said another. A third said, “It is so scary that we are allowed to actually do this.”
The truth is they shouldn’t be. But because social media is virtually unregulated, it’s up to parents to keep their kids off the apps. It’s become common for 10- and 11-year-olds to use TikTok and Snapchat, even though the current minimum age for social media is 13.
Even if age were verified, 13 is far too low. Thirteen was not chosen for any developmental or social reason; it was a compromise politicians reached with tech companies in 1998 at the dawn of the internet. But what parent or educator has ever said, “Right during early puberty – wow, that sounds like the perfect time to introduce social media!”?
Needless to say, it’s not. In fact, developmentally, it’s the worst time, right as middle school kids’ brains become hyper-attuned to social status and reward-seeking.
It’s also not a great time for solid judgment.
Younger teens have more trouble controlling their impulses than older teens and young adults, partially due to the activation of the adolescent brain: The limbic (emotional) system is on high alert, the prefrontal cortex (self-control) is less developed, and the two areas do not communicate as well as they do in adults.
By law, we protect 13- to 15-year-olds from just about everything adult in the physical world, from cigarettes to alcohol to driving, because we know they are not ready for it. They are also not ready for social media.
As an age to start using social media, 16 is a compromise. We trust kids to start driving at 16 – not a magic number, but one society has agreed upon as a milestone for maturity.
Sixteen is beyond the middle school and early high school years when puberty and awkwardness are at their peak. Kids mature a lot from 13 to 16. Some 16-year-olds may not be ready for social media either, but others may want to get involved in politics or community groups using social media.
I have made the rule “age 16 or later” for this reason, but if you want to make it 18 for your kids, that’s even better. (And I know some who want to make it 30. You can try, but good luck.)
Eighteen, the age of legal adulthood, actually does make some sense given the agreements users must accept when opening a social media account.
What other contract can minors sign other than those allowing social media apps access to their personal data? Even 17-year-olds are required to get a parent signature just to go on a school field trip.
That said, 16 versus 18 is a minor disagreement when 68 per cent of 11- and 12-year-olds – none of whom are legally allowed to have accounts – freely admit to using social media like Instagram and Snapchat. For kids 15 and under, the risks of social media clearly outweigh any possible benefits. In a 2024 poll, three out of four parents said they regretted letting their kids access social media.
What to allow, and what not to
There’s no one definition of social media, and the popularity of apps changes quickly.
Problematic platforms usually have features such as (1) algorithms, streaks, or push notifications creating compulsive or addictive use, (2) “likes” and followers creating competition, (3) short form videos, (4) endless scrolling (where there’s not a natural end), and (5) problematic content or the ability for unknown adults to contact minors.
Here are my recommendations for which apps kids should not have before 16 and which you might consider letting them use at 15 and younger (though with limits).
Some of these stories involve extreme outcomes, but they’re the tip of the iceberg for the trouble, big and small, that kids can get into on social media. Some of what follows is disturbing.
THE NO LIST
With endless posts of perfect bodies and competition for likes and followers, Instagram should be off the table for under-16s. Notifications frequently draw users back to the app even when they want to take a break.
“Teens … often feel ‘addicted’ and know that what they’re seeing is bad for their mental health but feel unable to stop themselves,” concluded Meta’s internal research on Instagram. Meta found that the platform made body image issues worse for one in three teen girls. Academic research has also linked Instagram to eating disorders and body image issues. The Instagram Stories feature has content that disappears after 24 hours, creating the fear of missing out (known as FOMO).
Nearly six out of 10 people – including Instagram users themselves – said they would prefer to live in a world without Instagram.
TikTok
TikTok is known for having the most addictive algorithm out there. A third of teens say they use it “almost constantly”.
The “For You” page shows users what they think they want to see because it’s designed to keep them on the app for as long as possible. Kids who intend to spend 15 minutes on the app often look up to find an hour or more has passed.
On app stores, kids post reviews of TikTok saying things like “Do not download this app unless you’re able to spend at least two hours a day on it. It’s addicting!” and “I have some problems. My sister and brother and me are stuck at 3am scrolling through it!”
TikTok is also an easy no because kids don’t usually use it to communicate with each other, and everyone’s feed is different. TikTok can send people down “black holes” of negative content if they use it when they are sad or anxious. They see a few videos about depression, and before long the app is serving up content about self-harm and suicide. Like Instagram, TikTok can also lead to negative comparisons.
“When I’m on social media, it makes me feel so much smaller than I actually am. On TikTok, I’d see prettier girls than me and it would make me more upset,” said 13-year-old Caylie. TikTok has also been home to dangerous “challenges”.
Snapchat
Snapchat users send each other “snaps” that disappear after a few seconds. Kids and teens like it because, ostensibly, there’s not a permanent record of their silly facial expression or their face with puppy ears – or their nude picture. Unfortunately, there can be – it’s possible to screenshot snaps (which, as one teen girl told me, are “good for blackmail”). Many parents assume teens only connect with friends on Snapchat, but the app also has a Quick Add feature that suggests new “friends” nearby and a Discovery feed with promoted content. It also has a “My Eyes Only” folder where kids can hide images they don’t want their parents to see.
Discord
Discord is a site where groups of users can communicate. It started as a place for gamers having discussions but now hosts many types of groups. You need an account, but there are no algorithms. Sounds promising, but almost everyone on the site uses anonymous usernames, so it’s very easy for adults to interact with children.
X/Twitter
Most teens aren’t interested in X as it tilts toward adults, so very few 15-and-unders will ask for an account here. It used to be a good news aggregator but isn’t anymore as the algorithm now deprioritises posts with links.
THE MAYBE LIST
This is a texting/messaging app that works between people who have each other’s phone number. If you’re OK with your kid sending texts, WhatsApp is probably fine. In one study of almost 500 teens, using WhatsApp helped teens feel closer to their friends and was not linked to unhappiness or low self-esteem.
YouTube
YouTube doesn’t require an account to watch videos, and it’s often used by schools. That said, YouTube Shorts are very similar to TikTok, though with a somewhat less sticky algorithm. Most kids are going to see YouTube videos before they are 10. Don’t allow the YouTube app on their phones and limit use of YouTube on their laptops. Make sure Autoplay is turned off on your kid’s account; otherwise, the next video will automatically start playing, which makes it much harder to stop watching. Especially for kids 12 and under, use YouTube Kids instead.
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Originally published as Expert reveals the social media apps parents should ban for children under 16
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