Ditzy’: Boss comment that horrified worker

A young Aussie has revealed the comment a former boss made that left her feeling “disheartened” and shocked.

Lara Necessian was in her twenties when a boss told her she shouldn’t “smile so much” because it was unprofessional.

Ms Necessian is now 37, but even all these years later, she can still remember exactly what happened.

She said she came into her boss’s office smiling, but he said that her happy appearance wasn’t what he wanted from her and that she should “appear to look more serious”.

Now an executive career coach based in Sydney, Ms Necessian said that although she felt hurt at the time, she now recognised the remark as “terrible” feedback and hadn’t heard a worse comment from a superior since.

“I had never received such feedback in my entire life. Smile less? Are you serious? Is that what you called me in for?” She said.

The comment has stayed with her. Picture: Instagram/Lara Necessian

The comment made her cry. Picture: Instagram/Lara Necessian

At the time, she said she “cried” her “eyes out,” and the comment forever changed how she approached her career.

In some ways Ms Necessian now sees the experience as a good thing. It taught her to be sure of herself and not let other people’s opinions matter.

“I came to the realisation that no matter how much I had tried to be a people pleaser. That would almost inevitably always be someone who would still have something negative to say,” she said.

She told news.com.au that the experience was still one of the most “disheartening moments” of her career.

“I had worked incredibly hard, upheld a high degree of professional efficacy and maintained incredibly high standards in my work,” she said.

“To be told that despite my intelligence, two psychology degrees and level of professionalism, that smiling made me appear ditzy was a huge blow to my self-confidence. I felt defeated, perplexed and deeply hurt by the feedback.”

It took her a while to recover from the comment because it was so belittling and upsetting and she wasn’t in a position of power.

“As a young woman keen to make an impressionable mark in the corporate world, it took me some time to recover and regain my self-confidence,” she explained.

Unfortunately for Ms Necessian, sexism has followed her throughout her corporate career in big and small ways.

“Whilst some of these experiences have been more discreet such as feedback about my personal appearance that has circled its way back to me or being excluded from certain ‘boys club’ dinners or meetings. There have been times where it has been more open and direct,” she said.

“One of the more direct ways I have experienced sexism, is through comments that have been made to me about my personal appearance. Being told that I look ‘too young’ or ‘too pretty’ to hold the position or have the level of authority or experience that I have.”

She's experienced sexism throughout her career. Picture: Instagram/Lara Necessian

She’s learned different tactics to deal with it. Picture: Instagram/Lara Necessian

Ms Necessian says it isn’t something she should have to deal with, but she’s learnt how not to let sexist comments impact her so much.

“I used to operate from a place where I needed to seek external validation from others. My sense of self-worth was tangled up into my job title and what other people thought of me,” she said.

“A comment like ‘you smile too much and it makes you look ditzy’ or ‘you need to wear more makeup to work’ would take me out for hours, days or weeks at a time.”

Thankfully, she’s now in a place where she’s worked on embracing her “personal power” and has focused on building up her self-esteem so it isn’t so quickly shattered by a sexist comment.

“I no longer seek external validation from others,” she explained, but that doesn’t mean she ignores all feedback.

“I take on constructive feedback from those I admire and respect and ignore the unsolicited comments or use it as fuel to drive me.”

Originally published as Ditzy’: Boss comment that horrified worker