Brisbane’s ‘plastic rockstars’ wiped from NRL premiership race

A truth bomb has been dropped on the Broncos with star players called out over “pretentious” behaviour that says it all.

COMMENT

Forget all this talk about the Broncos being self-preening peacocks- they’re way more delicate than that.

Last weekend’s 32-8 trouncing to Penrith has reinforced all the cliches about Brisbane being plastic rockstars, with serious questions resurfacing about the club’s ticker and whether it’s actually got one.

FOX LEAGUE, available on Kayo Sports, is the only place to watch every game of every round in the 2025 NRL Telstra Premiership, LIVE in 4K with no ad-breaks during play. New to Kayo? Get your first month for just $1. Limited-time offer.

After entering the premiership discussion with a rousing win over the ladder-leading Bulldogs, watching the Broncos getting peacefully silenced the following week was no shock to anybody who’s seen them pretentiously sipping their own bathwater for the last two years like it’s premium Sangiovese.

A team that loves being in front - especially of a mirror - the capitulation at Magic Round was typical of the neo-Broncos and their modern diva relapses.

The Broncos are all show and no go. (Photo by Hannah Peters/Getty Images)

Everyone except Payne Haas couldn’t get out of first gear, Adam Reynolds couldn’t stop kicking the ball in to the seats, and when the side met its first signs of turbulence, you would’ve found more formidable consommés across town at the Queen’s Wharf dining strip.

It’s a two-speed inconsistency that’s become a hallmark of the Broncos’ modern era, one that has inflicted misery on everyone at the club- except the players.

Regardless of every new low, the modern Broncos footballer has remained happy to saunter around the city like Karmichael Hunt despite carrying a legacy like Brodie Croft’s.

It’s a culture proving tough to shake at the Sunshine State powerhouse- and in hindsight, a six pack ban probably wasn’t the ideal way to win over a new dressing room.

Signed primarily as a walking neck vein, Michael Maguire entered the head coach role at Brisbane under no allusions about its lofty expectations.

But already he’s dealing with more ulcers than he would’ve bargained for.

Losing three of their last four, the Broncos now titter with a precarious 5-4 record- which in theory is hardly terminal.

The Broncos will once again be lost in NRL purgatory. Pics Adam Head

However, it’s their crypto form line and sheer lack of spuds in the face of adversity that means they can kiss goodbye their title chances.

It’s a familiar malaise fans would usually blame on Kevin Walters or even Reece Walsh, but with the jack-in-the-box fullback sidelined through injury, they can’t be afforded even the small mercy of blaming the side’s wafery defence on his Ray-Bans.

And while many are sweating on the return of Ezra Mam - despite being named to return for Souths-Logan this weekend in the Queensland Cup - it’s sheer desperation to expect miracles from a bloke who hasn’t kicked a ball in anger since before Christmas.

With another year of promise set to be abandoned on the pedicurists floor, the Broncos championship drought will soon top a period of two decades, five coaches and 52,367 meltdowns from the old boys.

Its utterly shameful considering the club’s wealth of advantages, with its elite high performance centre, enormous junior nursery and micro-economy of third party sponsorships enough to make the Wayne Bennett years appear like a poor return.

Reece Walsh has been the posterboy for backlash. Picture David Clark

In fairness to this current squad, it did stand on the cusp of supremacy in 2023 only to fall victim to 20 minutes of Nathan Cleary’s sorcery.

But instead of harnessing the lesson of that fateful night, they have instead taken the easy option of becoming rugby league’s version of a gimmicky 2017 Nissan Skyline pumping progressive trance with the windows down, a style that may appeal to a show-and-shine judge or a 15 year old girl but nobody else.

With the gap between their best and worst so colossal you can almost fit their heads through it, these star-studded Broncos are in danger of being remembered as flat track bullies who laundered their reputation against plankton teams.

Sure, they’ll turn on the charm against quality sides whenever they wake up on the right side of the bed, but if it’s damp outside or the WiFi’s patchy, their thin veneer of flair can only mask their chalky substance for so long.

There’s only one solution to this mess, and it’s a serious image makeover.

Nobody’s saying Pat Carrigan needs to snip off his man bun - although Madge once promised to cut off a finger if he didn’t win a comp so he could do worse - but maybe the team could start by taking a leaf out of Haas’ book by carrying the ball like they’re getting paid by the footprint.

Otherwise, they’ll remain as having all the gear and no idea.

- Dane Eldridge is a warped cynic yearning for the glory days of rugby league, a time when the sponges were magic and the Mondays were mad. He’s never strapped on a boot in his life, and as such, should be taken with a grain of salt.

Originally published as Brisbane’s ‘plastic rockstars’ wiped from NRL premiership race