‘Just to be happy again’: Devastating message from Graham Thorpe’s autobiography

Cricket legend Graham Thorpe, who died last week, had tragically written about his desperate quest for happiness.

Cricket legend Graham Thorpe, who last week took his own life, had previously written about his desperate quest for happiness in a bold tell-all.

Thorpe, widely regarded as one of England’s finest-ever batsmen, tragically took his own life on Sunday, August 4, at the age of 55.

The former England and Surrey star had long battled with severe depression and anxiety.

Thorpe’s wife, Amanda, confirmed the devastating news, revealing that her husband had been seriously ill for some time.

In an emotional statement, she told The Times: “Despite having a wife and two daughters whom he loved and who loved him, he did not get better.”

Match officials and players in The Hundred competition observe a minute's silence in tribute to Graham Thorpe in Cardiff, Wales. Picture: Dan Istitene/Getty Images

“He was so unwell in recent times, and he really did believe that we would be better off without him.”

She added, “We are devastated that he acted on that and took his own life.”

Thorpe’s struggle with mental illness was not new but rather a long and painful journey that he had candidly discussed in his 2005 memoir, Rising from the Ashes.

In this deeply personal book, Thorpe bared his soul, detailing how drinking and suicidal depression had driven him to the brink.

Harper Collins, the publisher, described the autobiography as Thorpe’s “brutally honest life story.”

“With painful candour and often unexpected humour, Thorpe dissects his career in cricket and the inner recesses of his private life: the impact of his bitter divorce; the suicidal depression that afflicted him in his darkest hours; the reasons why he needed to ‘save himself’ by withdrawing from past England tours; the elation of his magnificent century on his comeback Test at the Oval in 2003; and his fresh outlook in life with a new partner after confronting his own failings and past troubles,” a Harper Collins overview, which has recently been updated with Thorpe’s passing, reads.

The England Cricket great took his own life last week. Picture: Stu Forster/Getty Images

One particularly poignant passage from the memoir captured the depth of Thorpe’s despair.

Thorpe wrote: “There came a time when I would have given back all my Test runs and Test caps just to be happy again.”

Despite these revelations and his openness about his mental health struggles, Thorpe’s battle with depression and anxiety intensified over the years.

Amanda disclosed that her husband had been admitted to an intensive care unit in May 2022 following a suicide attempt.

Although there were “glimpses of hope and of the old Graham,” Amanda noted that he “continued to suffer from depression and anxiety, which at times got very severe.”

She emphasised, “We supported him as a family, and he tried many, many treatments, but unfortunately none of them really seemed to work.”

Thorpe’s career on the cricket field was one of remarkable success.

He made his international debut in 1993, and in his first Ashes appearance, he scored a century, becoming the first England player to do so in 20 years.

Over his 12-year international career, Thorpe played 100 Test matches, scoring 16 centuries, and represented England in 82 One-Day Internationals (ODIs).

His final Test appearance came in June 2005 before he retired from international cricket, marking the end of an illustrious era.

The England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) expressed their sorrow at Thorpe’s passing.

“It is with great sadness that we share the news that Graham Thorpe, MBE, has passed away,” the Board wrote.

Thorpe has been remembered as one of England’s finest batsmen. Picture: Tom Shaw/Getty Images

“There seem to be no appropriate words to describe the deep shock we feel at Graham’s death.

“More than one of England’s finest-ever batters, he was a beloved member of the cricket family and revered by fans all over the world.

“His skill was unquestioned, and his abilities and achievements across a 13-year international career brought so much happiness to his teammates and England and Surrey CCC supporters alike.”

The ECB’s statement continued, acknowledging Thorpe’s contributions as a coach after his playing career: “Later, as a coach, he guided the best England Men’s talent to some incredible victories across all formats of the game.”

“The cricket world is in mourning today. Our hearts go out to his wife Amanda, his children, father Geoff, and all of his family and friends during this unimaginably difficult time. We will always remember Graham for his extraordinary contributions to the sport,” it read.

Former England captain Michael Vaughan led the tributes to his former teammate. “RIP Thorpey. Thanks for all the advice throughout my career, you were a great player and a brilliant teammate,” Vaughan said.

Andrew Strauss and Thorpe celebrate an England Test win over South Africa in 2004. Picture: Clive Rose/Getty Images

He also took to X, writing, “You have gone far too young, but you leave as an England cricket legend. Thoughts with all who knew Thorpey and to all the family xxx.”

After his playing days, Thorpe moved to coaching in New South Wales, where he worked with rising stars such as Steve Smith and David Warner.

Later, he returned to England, serving as a coach from 2010 to 2022.

In one of his most memorable coaching moments, Thorpe took charge of the England team during the Ashes series at the Sydney Cricket Ground when head coach Chris Silverwood was sidelined by coronavirus.

Under his guidance, England managed to secure a nailbiting draw, avoiding an Ashes whitewash.

Steve Elworthy, Surrey’s chief executive, also reflected on Thorpe’s legacy.

“Everyone associated with the club is devastated by the tragic news of Graham’s passing,” he wrote.

“He achieved remarkable feats for club and country and was a hero to so many cricket fans. Our thoughts and condolences are with Graham’s family and friends, to whom we will offer any support that we are able to. “We ask that everyone respects the privacy of the family at this incredibly difficult time.”

Thorpe leaves behind his wife Amanda and four children: Henry, Amelia, Kitty, and Emma.

Originally published as ‘Just to be happy again’: Devastating message from Graham Thorpe’s autobiography