Lachie Neale and Abbey Holmes kiss storm exposes sad state we’re living in

The innocuous kiss between two friends following an AFL match has revealed the sad state of affairs we’re all currently living in.

Imagine being such a joyless sourpuss that seeing two friends kiss on the telly outrages you.

God help AFL commentator Abbey Holmes – who played for my mighty Adelaide Crows – and Brisbane co-captain Lachie Neale after they pressed cheeks and The Age columnist Kate Halfpenny happened to be watching.

Her weekend column about the non-event kiss a week earlier has set the internet alight, thanks mostly to its rank stupidity.

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Ms Halfpenny admits that the kiss, following a post-match interview, was “fast and not ick” and Holmes “looked fine with the reciprocated smooch”.

End of story, you’d think.

But, after being possibly the only person in the country to replay the kiss multiple times, she decides they should “keep it classy” and that “even if Holmes gave the kiss no second thought, networks and AFL clubs should give their troops a halftime speech: kissing on air is out of bounds”.

“It’s 2024, not a 1970s Christmas party with a handsy boss handing out Brandivinos and murmuring your Prince Matchabelli smells great,” she writes.

If two friends sharing a kiss on the cheek reminds you of a 1970s Christmas party then the problem is probably with you – and you were attending some lame parties 50 years ago.

The moment that raised eyebrows. Photo: Channel 7.

I don’t know about you but it’s something I do all the time – at work, at the pub, at the races. A kiss on the cheek between a male and female friend is about as innocuous as you can get.

Lock me up now.

If you’re Italian you kiss everyone in sight.

Holmes has declared it a non-story and said that “if (Ms Halfpenny) had have done her due diligence ahead of writing that article, I think she might feel a little bit differently and might not have actually written it in the first place”.

Neale’s wife, Jules, has reached out to Holmes to make sure she’s okay in light of the ridiculous furore.

In the post #metoo world, even the most friendly of human interactions are viewed by some with malice.

Not that it relates specifically to this event, but some surveys suggest that more than 60 per cent of us have had a relationship with a workmate.

What that proves is that we connect closely with people in the workplace – whether they be romantic or friendly connections.

But workplace relationships are now frowned upon as an HR nightmare.

Abbey declared the whole thing a non-story. (Photo by Dylan Burns/AFL Photos via Getty Images)

Lachie Neale’s partner Jules reached out to Abbey in the wake of the kiss furore. Picture, John Gass

Compliments for someone’s clothing or appearance are discouraged at work lest some sensitive sod interpret it as a come-on (and it’s always an eavesdropper, not the person receiving the compliment).

I have been advised in more than one workplace not to hug friends, who happen to be colleagues subordinate to me, because it may be seen as an inappropriate abuse of power.

Two people connecting is now a bad thing.

As a bloke who prides himself on dressing well, I have never been offended by someone complimenting my appearance. And as someone who appreciates the same in others, I’ve never met a woman who didn’t enjoy the favour being reciprocated.

What a sad state of affairs. Out of fear for how others – not those involved – might see things, we shun normal affection. We have thrown the baby out with the bathwater.

And Ms Halfpenny has proven why this happens. Someone who had no connection to the kiss, who didn’t bother calling either of the people involved, ran to her keyboard to complain about a friendly interaction.

The reality is that most of us still behave as we always have – that is, like normal people who hug and kiss and share blue jokes.

But now we glance over our shoulders to make sure no one else is looking, lest we be accused of getting too familiar or offending someone.

The great crime committed by Holmes and Neale was to be completely comfortable in their friendship, somehow offending the feminist sensibilities of one woman with a column.

Breaking news – it’s normal.

Originally published as Lachie Neale and Abbey Holmes kiss storm exposes sad state we’re living in