Shannon Deery: How do you solve a problem like the Victorian Liberals?

Bumbling from one mishap to the next, the Victorian Liberal branch has become the Maria von Trapp of state politics – restless, untamed and impossible to manage, but without the charisma, charm, or narrative arc.

How do you solve a problem like the Liberals?

The Victorian branch has become the Maria von Trapp of state politics: restless, untamed, impossible to manage, but without the charisma, charm, or narrative arc.

Bumbling from one mishap to the next, the Liberals are a chorus line dancing in opposite directions, locked in a backstage brawl over who gets top billing.

But where Maria is spirited, idealistic, and though unruly deeply loveable, the Liberals continue to remind voters they are anything but.

Where Maria’s unpredictability ultimately reveals her strength, the Liberals’ unpredictability has become their weakness.

Maria inspires and leads. The Liberals confuse and repel.

The Victorian Liberal branch is bumbling from one mishap to the next. Picture: Ian Currie

Take the efforts of just the past month:

TWO MPs were referred to the parliament’s privileges committee over claims they helped deliver a gift-wrapped cow turd to the Premier’s office because they were sad about a policy position.

LAWYERS for Moria Deeming fired off a letter warning three former Liberal premiers could be dragged into her messy two-year legal battle with John Pesutto.

PESUTTO himself was issued with a bankruptcy notice over his failure to meet a court-imposed deadline to pay Deeming $2.3m.

QUESTIONS have been raised about parliamentary perks enjoyed by deputy leader Sam Groth who has faced calls from some colleagues to stand down from his role,

A TRADITIONALpost-budget lunch was almost derailed by lack of interest with calls made to industry figures the night before the event to try and fill seats,

FORMER staffer Nadine Jones has launched legal action against the party’s headquarters for unfair dismissal, and

STATE director Stuart Smith and party president Phil Davis are facing allegations of bullying.

And this is the party trying!

Jesus wept.

This is the same party that, at the height of their polling in December, dumped Pesutto as leader and replaced him with Brad Battin.

Victorian Opposition Leader Brad Battin speaks to deputy leader Sam Groth. Picture: Andrew Henshaw

This is the same party that since 2021 has had four different leaders.

This is the same party that wants voters to believe is ready to govern but are so internally conflicted they can’t sell a message.

Last week should have been all about the $1bn plan to cut stamp duty for first homebuyers spending up to $1m but it was overtaken by internal drama.

This is a team that cannot, and will not, be united.

Where the conservatives want to double down on culture war issues their opponents want to appeal to a younger, urban, and socially liberal electorate.

The ideological tug of war makes it impossible for voters to decode just what the party stands for.

The confusion of policy messaging doesn’t help.

On the one hand there are promises to cut five taxes if elected to government, on the other hand we’re told debt is killing us and needs to be tackled.

But there is no coherent plan for how that will happen.

Then there is the lack of credible policy alternatives – the party is more interested in opposing Labor than proposing anything new.

Voters are smart enough to know the difference between principled opposition and aimless contrarianism.

Questions have been raised about parliamentary perks enjoyed by deputy leader Sam Groth.

Without a coherent narrative or united team, the Liberals have become electorally irrelevant in a state that is rapidly growing more progressive: both from a parliamentary perspective as the Greens usually usher in bad Labor policies like the new fire services levy, and politically due to infighting and amateurish work ethic.

Now some will take umbrage at this.

Indeed, last week when former leader Jeff Kennett lashed the current party room as a “cesspool” he was dismissed as “some old guy” by one sitting MP.

Others will ask why columns such as this focus on the failings of the Opposition and not of the government.

Simply because it is the Opposition’s job to both hold the government to account and to provide a feasible alternative.

The Liberal Party fails to do that in any meaningful way.

And as the 2026 election draws nearer, the prospect of that changing appears evermore remote.

The Coalition needs to win 16 seats, and lose none, to form government.

Of the 18 most marginal seats, eight have never been held by the Liberal Party, others like Monbulk and Mordialloc have been with Labor for more than a decade.

Senior party figures fear the infrastructure on the ground is so poor to non-existent, and the candidate pool so unknown or limited, that winning them seems impossible.

While Labor barrels on with big builds, the Liberals are locked in the constant backstage brawl over who gets top billing.

There’s no script, no plot, just recurring solos of discontent, all chorus and no lead.

And if they don’t find their voice before the next state election?

Don’t expect an encore.

Shannon Deery is the Herald Sun state politics editor

Originally published as Shannon Deery: How do you solve a problem like the Victorian Liberals?