Scared of my own son - Mother opens up about youth offender son stuck inside the justice system

A mother of a repeat youth offender has opened up about the youth justice system and how it is enabling young people to keep offending.

Sonya* never imagined she’d be scared of her own teenager.

But as she prepares for yet another youth court hearing for her 17-year-old, the despondent mother wonders how her eldest boy went from being a great kid, who did well at school and excelled at sport, to someone whose rap sheet features more than 30 offences, from offensive language to aggravated assault with a weapon.

Sonya* never imagined she’d be scared of her own teenager. Picture: Roy VanDerVegt

Sonya, who is using a pseudonym to protect her identity, is acutely aware that outsiders are often quick to lay blame with parents.

Did she cause her son to go off the rails? She should have done more? Why doesn’t she just kick him out?

But it is not that simple.

The Adelaide mother has opened up, on the condition of anonymity, about her family’s experiences with the youth justice system as she urges the state government to toughen up on underage offenders.

Up until just three years ago, Sonya, her husband and two children seemingly had it all.

They were living in an affluent suburb, with both her and her husband working in good jobs, and they were sending their children to the best school money could buy.

But then it all started changing when her son started mixing with the wrong crowd at the age of 14, and no amount of discipline at home seemed to deter his escalating bad behaviour.

They took away devices and stopped taking him places. That didn’t work.

When they grounded him, he would sneak out. When they deadlocked all doors and windows, he simply smashed his way out.

A state government spokesperson said the government had developed a Young Offender Plan, backed by $3 million over three years, to target youth reoffending. Picture: 7NEWS

He wouldn’t engage with psychologists and psychiatrists.

“We don’t feel safe with him,” Sonya admitted.

“People say it’s my parenting – It can’t be because I’ve got another one who isn’t like that,” she said.

“People also say to me ‘why don’t you just kick him out? - The hard part of that is he’s my son.”

Sonya was turned away from support services “because my son isn’t classed as disadvantaged or Indigenous (so) there is no help”.

The devastated mother, who acknowledged that some parents do enable their child’s poor behaviour, said mums and dads who genuinely wanted to help their children were fighting a losing battle.

“We have no rights as a parent,” she said.

“We’re legally responsible for them but we’re not allowed to make them do anything.”

Sonya said youth offenders quickly learnt there were very few, if any, consequences for their crimes.

“We have no rights as a parent.” Picture: Brenton Edwards

“What we have found is the kids know more than us about the law,” she said.

“There are little to no consequences once they walk of that courtroom.

“Family conferences are handed out like lollipops. At a family conference they get undertakings and it could be ‘you need to speak to a counsellor one time - Nothing is going to change in one session with a counsellor.”

The first time Sonya’s son fronted court, he “thought it was funny”.

“All he had to do was write an apology letter,” she said.

From there, her son’s behaviour spiralled.

He is now on multiple bail agreements, but he doesn’t care.

“He’s currently on curfew and I would say of the seven nights a week, he’s maybe home two of those nights before curfew,” she said.

“You can’t control it, especially when they’re bigger than you and have a violent streak in them.”

Not even the threat of ending up in the Cavan Youth Training Centre is a deterrent.

“My son has basically said Cavan is going to be a walk in the park – He’s got friends in there,” Sonya said.

The disheartened mother, who said she had lost friends and her marriage had suffered as a result of her son’s behaviour, was at a loss as to what to do but suggested courts needed to be empowered by the state government to impose tougher penalties at the outset.

She also suggested youth offenders should be sent to a two-week military-style boot camp where people would “not tolerate their bull****” and they could be mentored.

A state government spokesperson said the government had developed a Young Offender Plan, backed by $3 million over three years, to target youth reoffending.

“We are also looking at improved measures that can help ensure serious repeat young offenders are deterred from further offending,” they said.

Opposition police spokesman Jack Batty said: “We need stronger laws and greater intervention to stop the cycle of reoffending before it’s too late”.

Originally published as Scared of my own son - Mother opens up about youth offender son stuck inside the justice system