15 and pregnant: Teen mum and dad Tamara and Brendan Allender talk parenthood, sacrifice and making it work

Tamara was in Year 9 when she and her schoolyard sweetheart Brendan broke their pregnancy news. Now the baby is older than they were when they became teen parents.

When Tamara and Brendan Allender’s eldest daughter was named school captain, their hearts swelled with pride. As parents, they’d more reason than most to be proud.

Tamara was just a Year 9 schoolgirl when she and Brendan, who at 15 had just left school to take on a mechanic apprenticeship, fell pregnant with Brylie, now 18.

While initially shocked and scared to tell their parents, the young sweethearts vowed they’d do what they could to give their unborn child a good life.

Almost two decades on, now aged 34 and 35 and loving parents also to Indiana, 13, and Frankie, 5, they share the highs, lows and life lessons learned as teenage parents.

They tell why – even though it is not a path they’d choose for their own daughters – they wouldn’t change a thing.

Brylie was born in March 2006, just when Tamara Richardson, as she was then, should have been starting Year 10.

Instead, she did Year 10 through distance education, later securing a hairdressing apprenticeship when her little girl was two before pursuing secondary teaching about a decade later.

Tamara Richardson was in Year 9 when she and now husband Brendan Allender fell pregnant with Brylie. Picture: Supplied

The teenage parents with their firstborn, Brylie who was born in March 2006. Picture: Supplied

Telling Mum and Dad: ‘I was sh*tting my pants’

Tamara recalls telling both sets of parents the pregnancy news, after she and Brendan, who’d met at school, had been “going out” for about 12 months.

“I’d had a bit of suspicion that I might have been so I did a test … it came back positive … we just called our mums and dads straight away so everyone could be together … it was scary – I was sh*tting my pants.

“They were shocked, of course, and my mum wasn’t very happy about it … she was, I suppose, a little bit disappointed.

“I was terrified to tell her (we’d started having sex) … even more so when I found out I was pregnant. I’d been too scared to ask her if I could go to the doctor to go on the pill.

“My mum was very much like, ‘leave the bedroom door open, you better not be having sex …’.

“Nothing on my mum, but I don’t think (her generation) had the tools and skills to address (talking about sex) with me as I feel we have now with things such as social media and YouTube. Brendan and I have definitely had (those) conversations with Brylie.”

Family support: ‘It would have been very hard without them’

The families agreed to meet again in several days’ time, when emotions had settled and there had been some time to digest the life-changing information.

“Brendan and I decided it was something we were going to do and our parents said they would support us in that – and they have done,” Tamara says.

“Both our mums were there with us when (Brylie) was born … they are all still very involved in our other girls’ childhoods.

“It would have been very hard without them … when I started working (and wasn’t old enough for a licence), Mum would come and pick us up and do the drop offs – Brylie at daycare, me at work … (later), they helped in getting her off to kinder and school, picking her up and looking after her when Brendan and I needed a break, both as a baby and as she got older too.”

Tamara and Brendan Allender’s eldest daughter Brylie, 18, is Ouyen P-12 College 2024 school captain. Picture: Supplied

Proud mum and dad Tamara and Brendan Allender ahead of Brylie’s debutante last year with younger daughters Indiana, now 13, and Frankie, now 5. Picture: Supplied

School and community response: ‘ … jaws dropped to the floor’

And how did locals in their hometown of Ouyen in Victoria’s north west – a farming town with a population of about 1000 located in the Mildura Rural City Council which border’s SA’s Southern Mallee Council – react?

“When I had to tell the school, I couldn’t go on camp because I was pregnant, jaws dropped to the floor … it wasn’t something that they’d really had to deal with before,” Tamara says.

“Being a small town I would, you know, feel a bit awkward walking down the street or in the supermarket when I could feel people were looking at me or talking about me … but to be honest, I didn’t really ever feel much judgement, certainly no one said anything to my face.”

“Yes, nothing was said to our faces but there was plenty of small town talk going around,” Brendan agrees.

As well as adjusting to life as parents, it was a stressful time financially for the young couple.

“Oh, yeah, it was daunting, absolutely … wondering how things were going to pan out with a baby,” Brendan, who worked as a mechanic for 12 years before moving into the rail industry, says.

Teenage adulting: ‘It was daunting, absolutely’

Brylie, who is now 18, as a little girl. Picture: Supplied

Brylie and Indiana, who is five years younger – the eldest of her two younger sisters. Pictures: Supplied

“It was a financial struggle back in the early days when we were both apprentices and earning peanuts sort of thing; trying to make ends meet as bills were piling up but we paddled on and did what we had to do. We just made the best of it.

“One of the things I am most proud of is Tamara’s work ethic … she had three jobs on the go for a long time; when she went to study teaching she was still doing two to three jobs.”

Tamara recalls: “I do remember when I started hairdressing … I would just put my pay packet in a little yellow envelope to use to pay for Brylie’s daycare … the end goal was to get a job so we could be financially better, to support her to where she is now.”

Tamara worked as a hairdresser for about 10 years before getting a job as a teacher’s aide ahead of enrolling at university to study teaching.

She now teaches high school humanities, maths and business management.

The couple purchased their first home when Tamara was 18, with their second daughter, who was planned, arriving on the eve of her 21st birthday.

Marriage vows: ‘We did get emotional that day’

They married about a year later.

“We did get emotional that day … we were all going to be together with the same last name,” Tamara says.

“Yeah, it was very special … it was something we’d been wanting to do, but obviously, finances and everything else had come first,” Brendan adds.

The couple is conscious of waiving much of their carefree, teenage years to take on the adult responsibilities that come with parenthood.

Tamara and Brendan Allender married seven years after they started go out in high school. Picture: Supplied

Tamara and Brendan Allender at their wedding with eldest daughters Brylie and Indiana. Picture: Supplied

Missed out youth: ‘The hardest … when my friends started to go out’

“For me, the hardest was probably when I got to around 18 and my friends started turning 18, were finishing school and starting to go out … they, obviously, didn’t have a baby at home and I did feel a bit left out of things,” Tamara says.

They’ve learned plenty about parenthood along the way.

“It is constant, everyday is different; you think you have it all sorted out, and then you get thrown a curve ball of some sort,” Tamara says.

“Babies are forever, even as they grow up they are still your babies and as your babies grow, you need to as well … your life changes and you need to make sacrifices; nothing about having a baby is easy … you both need to stay on the same page, work through life together … one of you is not a better parent then the other, you’re both learning together.”

Without hesitation, they answer in unison when asked if their love has always remained strong – she saying “yeah” at the same time he says “yep”.

“We’ve always been happy with each other and have wanted the same things in life really,” Tamara says.

Enduring relationship: ‘We’ve grown with our kids’

“I think communication has been a big thing … making a pact to talk about everything early on in our relationship has helped us grow with our kids, parent our kids as a couple, together, and has set a good example for them … moving forward together is the end goal.”

To which her husband responds: “Yeah, nah. Spot on.” Throughout the interview they are kind and respectful to each other, often finishing each other’s sentences, warmly laughing at treasured memories of their growing family with her gently correcting him when he gets things, such as the ages of his nephews – the sons of his twin brother – wrong.

Tamara and Brendan Allender committed at a young age to build a good life for their family, daughters Brylie, Indiana and Frankie. Picture: Supplied

And what is it he loves most about his wife?

“Geez, you’ve put me on the spot here,” he laughs.

“We obviously didn’t plan to have children as early as we did but from the moment Brylie came along, Tamara was a doting mum … she has always put Brylie and all of us first and ahead of herself.”

The high regard is mutual.

“I love (Brendan’s) strong work ethic and how he just wants the best for the people around him … he’s always doing nice things for us and picking up extra shifts at work so we can have nice things,” Tamara says.

Doting Dad: ‘College captain? It was a bit of a proud dad moment’

The couple, who recently moved into the “dream family home” they had built, say they are immensely proud of their family.

Brylie, formally diagnosed with dyslexia and dyscalculia during Year 11, will soon attain her SACE equivalent high school certificate and has just moved 300km from home to Bendigo, to study for a Certificate IV in Allied Health Assistance with the view of later pursuing occupational therapy or physiotherapy.

“What am I most proud of? Brylie’s work ethic and outlook on life … she’s at the age now she understands the struggles we sort of went through being so young when we had her,” Brendan says.

“She’s just got a really good head on her shoulders …(she is) a swimming instructor, a pilates instructor, a yoga instructor … she has all these tickets under her belt.

“I was absolutely proud as punch (about her school leadership role) … all of us boys – my twin and younger brother – never even did Year 12, so to have a daughter go through to Year 12 and be College captain, it was a bit of a proud dad moment … yeah we certainly are very proud.”

Tamara and Brendan Allender with their daughters Brylie, now 18, Indiana (now 13) and Frankie (now 5). Picture: Supplied

Looking back? ‘We wouldn’t change anything for the world’

Tamara adds: “She has probably put a lot of pressure on herself throughout the last couple of years, being like, ‘well, Mum and Dad were raising a baby when they were my age, what am I doing? All I am doing is going to school and coming home’.

“When Brylie was packing up her things and getting ready to move (for her TAFE studies), I was reflecting back and thinking, ‘have we taught her everything that she needs to know? Have we given her enough? Have we provided enough for her … is she going to be fine without us, moving out all on her own?

“My Mum often says to me, as much as a shock it was at the time, we wouldn’t change anything for the world now because we have Brylie and know what she has done and what she is going to do … and that is so true.”

Originally published as 15 and pregnant: Teen mum and dad Tamara and Brendan Allender talk parenthood, sacrifice and making it work