What your elite South East Queensland suburb says about you

Do you call one of South East Queensland’s elite suburbs home? Here’s what each suburb says about those who live there and what, according to AI, the average resident looks like.

The view from Hamilton, one of Brisbane ritziest suburbs.

• What AI thinks Qlders look like

While there are some people who shield their phone while ordering an Uber so as to not show everyone where they live, there’s a whole other collective who flaunt their home suburb.

Postcode pride holds just as much weight with some as their birthplace and when given a chance – actually, they don’t even need one – they’ll never skip a beat to remind you they’re from Ascot or Noosa.

You may even have friends just like this, and let’s be honest here, you definitely haven’t invited them to your house after witnessing the luxury oozing from theirs.

From Brisbane to the Gold Coast and Sunshine Coast, we’ve compiled a list of some of South East Queensland’s most elite suburbs and what they might say about you.

BRISBANE

New Farm

New Farm is a mix of Brisbane’s self-described elite, with young, self-obsessed, and the OG New Farm Italians still holding on to their terrible 1970s renovations of Queenslander cottages.

If you identify with strutting around in your Lululemon activewear, armed with a coffee at the Jan Powers Markets then you have definitely found yourself in the right place.

New Farm Park. Picture: Richard Walker. Person’s image is AI generated.

Every weekend consists of a stroll from your minimum $2 million property to New Farm Park, popping by James Street to spend a cheeky $300 on a single item of clothing before heading home to get ready for a night of spending even more at Mr Percival’s.

Ascot

Ascot might have earned itself the title of “meanest suburb” filled with “affluent Karens” on Reddit, but at least they get to spend their days in multimillion-dollar mansions paired with tennis courts most likely only used once a year.

An Ascot home. Picture: Supplied. Person’s image is AI generated.

If you or your child didn’t go to school at St Margarets, St Rita’s or another affluent private school where you pay minimum $29,000 a year to attend, then you’d better expect to be exiled.

As well as an education, these schools teach you how to earn enough to buy your own house in Ascot in order to complete the circle of life.

Outsiders beware! If you’re even looking to try and pose as a local, even the tweens in Ascot are carrying Frank Green water bottles and flaunting their Marc Jacobs bags.

Hamilton

You bought a unit in one of the newly constructed apartment buildings near the Portside Wharf and you will NOT stop talking about it.

Racecourse Road is basically your Fortitude Valley, but instead of stinky, sticky nightclubs you’re wining and dining at restaurants that have a minimum spend of $100.

Nearly everyone has set foot in the Hamilton Hotel except the actual residents who believe it’s too povo for them to go.

Oh, and spare a thought for the people who live on the western side of Hamilton Hill who have to endure the light pollution from the lowly people of Albion where the bright lights of Allan Border Field and Albion Park Raceway make it difficult to go to bed early.

Teneriffe/Newstead

If there isn’t a super trendy hip dive bar or a Michelin-star restaurant a hop skip and a jump from your Woolshed unit, you probably aren’t going to like it here.

Gasworks Plaza is your go-to for the essentials – food, drinks, and a brand-new outfit for your ratty maltese dog.

Plus, if you aren’t paying close to $100 a week to say “I gym at Total Fusion Newstead” then you’re simply not welcome in this suburb.

Clayfield

Ah Clayfield, where even the church has a tennis court.

Where shopping at Harris Farm Markets to get the “top tier” products is a must, or you own a Queenslander but it actually has aircon and somehow always stays a pristine white.

But don’t worry, at least you’re not as snobby as your Ascot neighbours!

A Clayfield home. Picture: Supplied. Person’s image is AI generated.

Paddington

The joy of the rich moving into Paddington can come crashing down when you realise you are surrounded by rental share houses filled with uni students who party until 3am every Friday and Saturday.

Paddington is so expensive that even the op shops are selling designer brands including Aje, Zimmermann, and Bec and Bridge.

There’s just one problem – sorry Paddington, but you only wish you were as cool as Sydney’s Paddington.

Ashgrove

The big mover in Brisbane’s elite suburb hierarchy in the past 15 years – what was a middle-class suburb has now cemented itself as officially upper class. Congratulations!

The Marist Brothers have also taken note of Ashgrove’s move up the ladder by doubling their school fees to match the newly found status.

Sadly, an influx of luxury 4WDs has been needed as Ashgrove is one of Brisbane’s great public transport black holes.

Yet the sad, old Coles might be the only structure in Ashgrove that hasn’t been renovated in the past decade or two.

The Gap

A Queenslander style house on the hill in The Gap. Person’s image is AI generated.

The Gap got its glow up thanks to Ashgrove further cementing its title as “aspirational Ashgrove”.

Quite literally, you live in the shadow of several mountains and Ashgrove.

Another Brisbane public transport blackhole where you are forced to drive over the hill of Settlement Rd to catch a train because Waterworks Rd and catching a bus is too hard to deal with.

Bulimba

Oh, your mum walks her poodle-cross in her activewear every morning and goes to Studio Pilates or the Total Fusion on Colmslie Road? No way, I am genuinely shocked.

It would be a CRIME if you didn’t go to a private school; bonus points if you drove to school in:

• A mini Countryman
• The Mercedes you got for your 16th
• Your mum’s Audi A1
• A black Volkswagen Golf

The Oxford 152 or the Bulimba Golf Club know you a little too well and every time you walk down Oxford Street you see at least 10 people you know.

Speaking of Oxford Street – you are always spotting a new addition on the shopping strip thanks to the whopping rent business owners have to fork out.

Hawthorne

“My exclusive enclave has been ruined by the second runway and the 6am Jetstar flight to Bali! But it’s the same runway that I use when I catch my business class flight to Japan for ski season.”

“Darling I am dropping my Porsche off for a service this morning! Yes, I know it is the sixth time this year!

Waterside estates in Hawthorne. Person’s image is AI generated

“Don’t worry I’ll just take one of the Mercedes!”

“And what is our daughter going to wear? She has been begging for the new Bec and Bridge midi dress!”

You get the gist.

Manly

You either live in one of the sparkling estates or your Queenslander is on the Manly esplanade – there is no in-between.

Your yacht or tinny is moored in the marina, coming in at a bargain price of $1000 a second. What a steal! Especially because you take the boat out twice a year!

Screw making dinner at home, the Manly Boatshed or the Yacht Club will do quite nicely for a meal.

Brookfield

If you don’t know where this is you’re probably not alone.

Brookfield is where you’ll find the people who want to live the “country lifestyle” away from the city but can’t seem to live in anything but a flashy mansion.

Also known as the rural retreat for Brisbane’s doctors or lawyers where you get to live the “regional lifestyle” while still being a short drive from your job at the Wesley Hospital.

Samford

Samford, the northside’s attempt at creating its own Brookfield where the “well healed” wish to escape to the countryside.

The people who wanted to be surrounded by cows rather than cars, only to find most of the cows have been kicked out for the latest housing estate.

A large property in Samford Valley. Person’s image is AI generated

SUNSHINE COAST

Noosa

Tourists may call it the diamond of the Sunshine Coast, but for locals who have spent millions for their cliffside home in the once quiet beachside suburb it has become a total nightmare.

Where there are fights to be seen both for car spaces and for eshay pride.

Where the locals hardly own cars anymore because they simply cannot risk the two-hour wait just to get 500m down the road to Hastings Street.

Let’s face it, everyone’s just waiting for the houses to be passed down the family tree in order to be surrendered to the highest-paying hotel chain.

Noosa Heads. Person’s image is AI generated.

Sunshine Beach

These are the people who grew up in the shadow of Noosa, the “quirky younger sibling”, but if you ask any local, they shrug their shoulders and say “well, who would want to live in Noosa anyway?”

Their surf club is probably the most boujee one you’ll step foot in, but you’ll still find everyone wearing birks and their nicest Thrills T-shirts.

Ocean levels rise, yet your seaside view continues to diminish as yet another suburban bitcoin investor plonks themselves right in front of your multimillion-dollar mansion – how dare they!

Minyama (Island)

You’ve got to give credit to Minyama, aka the founding fathers of the upper class Sunshine Coast as they walked so the rest of this list could run.

Oh and by Minyama we mean Minyama Island, the wealthy disassociate from the rest of the suburb who don’t live on the canals.

Nothing says waterfront living like permanently sea sprayed windows and an unused mini yacht with an overdue rego.

A dream location for anybody whose life peaks at the build-up to their child’s semi formal pre-drinks.

Bokarina

A coastal apartment living in Bokarina. Person’s image is AI generated

Wait, Bokarina is on this list?

Ah yes, Bokarina, heaven to all property developers on the Sunshine Coast and lands itself on this prestigious list just because it got one nice Italian restaurant named after the suburb.

Where you get the coastal lifestyle but the relaxing vibes are disrupted by the constant police sirens and teens doing burnouts along Nicklin Way.

But hey, at least it’s not Warana.

Tanawha

You’ve got to give some props to Tanawha which has shot its way up the elite hierarchy of the Sunshine Coast.

Too bad people still ask “where is that?”

Where the only reason you ended up there was because you were looking for the Bellingham Maze – now rebranded as Amazeworld – or if your google maps took you to Tanawha instead of Kawana.

Properties in Tanawha are selling for millions. Person’s image is AI generated.

Kenilworth

Wait, there’s actually a town? I thought it was just a doughnut brand.

If you don’t live here, you’ve probably only been here to stay at the campground/someone else’s really large property that is delightfully profiting off of Gen Z campers.

And no, just because you live on a big property with a grand wrought iron fence, doesn’t mean you have a farm.

But it would be hard to swallow when your main (and only) tourist attraction branched out to Mooloolaba as well.

GOLD COAST

Sanctuary Cove

If you ever thought of what it would be like to be in a cult, then just ask someone who lives in Sanctuary Cove. They never leave!

Sanctuary Cove on a postcard would literally read: a commune for old, rich people surrounded by a golf course so best bring your $6000 clubs!

If you have somehow befriended someone from Sanctuary Cove don’t expect them to meet up with you outside the suburb, they don’t own a car and only drive around in buggies.

I guess it makes sense considering there are no roads, just golf paths.

Sanctuary Cove waterfront. Picture: realestate.com.au. Person’s image is AI generated

Hope Island

A not-so-humble suburb for your boating elite in which they needed somewhere to dock their boat but also wanted to live in a mansion.

The carved out canals were made specifically for a boating city just with a minimum $1.6 million price tag.

Thank goodness the man-made canals lead you to Stradbroke Island for a quick getaway.

Macintosh Island

These people were too good to live in Southport so they named their own mini suburb after some old guy who created the Gold Coast.

Their solution to separation? You guessed it, carved out canals.

Only downside is the once a year disruption for the annual Supercar races – luckily you can afford a business class ticket out of there!

Mermaid Waters

Mermaid Waters used to be derelict but has really turned it around to become one of the most prestigious suburbs on the Gold Coast.

Once again home to carved out canals – what’s this number three now?

It’s the suburb of every influencer’s dream being super close to all their location hashtags to be spotted at.

For those who stuck it out during its dark days, pat yourself on the back because you’re really reaping the rewards.

Inside of a Mermaid Waters home. Person’s image is AI generated

Palm Beach

Palm Beach, otherwise known as ‘palmy’ – where everyone from Burleigh Waters has run to in order to escape.

Now the new Broadbeach, disappointed older locals have accepted to spot at least three Gen Zs on their morning walks.

Sorry oldies, you’ll probably spot the influencers of the wild at all your favourite cafes and restaurants now.

Currumbin Waters

Here is where you’ll find your hippy, rich people with surfboards on cars but tucked away in nature enough to live in a “small town”.

The residents here are trying not to be rich and pretending to be normal by waking up at sunrise every morning for a surf … but are filthy rich.

Where influencers and tourists have hijacked your “super secret” rock pools and you’re just in denial of the fact that your sleepy, surf town has become yet another tourist destination.

General rule of thumb

Any suburb with ‘waters’ at the end of it you can bet the rich have moved there and separated themselves from the poor parts of civilisation via motes.

Originally published as What your elite South East Queensland suburb says about you