Tips for a cruisy Christmas from a master of disaster

SEEING as it's Christmas next week I thought I better get into the spirit and offer my advice to having the perfect Christmas.

Daily News columnist Andrew Gale is encouraging folks to take it easy over Christmas so stress doesn't ruin your holiday. Picture: Bev Lacey

SEEING as it's Christmas next week I thought I'd better get into the spirit and offer my advice to having the perfect Christmas.

Here's my best advice:

Don't try to make it perfect. Just do your best.

Don't lose sight of the outcome. It's supposed to be fun after all!

Let's face it. There are just too many variables at Christmas time. Weather, children and relatives just to name a few. You can't control all of them. We can only hope.

Let's face it, things will go wrong. Maybe there won't be any 'major' disasters, but issues, no doubt, are sure to arise and they will introduce just enough stress and drama to ruin that quest for the perfect Christmas.

I've been both the victim and, I'll admit, perpetrator of many Christmas failures. That search for the perfect 'greeting card Christmas' has always been just beyond my grasp.

I dunno if we just get overcome by the occasion. Maybe it's trying to 'out-Christmas' whoever hosted it last year. But in my family, overexuberance, overzealousness and a general infection of yuletide fantasy seems to dominate the occasion and has led to festive occasions that are best forgotten.

I could tell some horror stories of Christmas disasters of times gone by. The time the dog stole the ham, licked the turkey and ate the leg of pork. The time we ended up with nothing but 2 Minute Noodles from the petrol station on Christmas. The elusive search for the cranberry sauce and the special crystal plate especially reserved for such dressing, whilst all the time the turkey went cold and the prawns were swarmed by every fly within 50miles. I'll spare you the details. Sometimes my 500-odd word limit is a blessing.

I just like to celebrate the day of Christ's birth with the kids around, if they can make it. A nice, easy lunch, a cold frosty one and some time to relax and enjoy each other's company, complete with all our foibles and quirks. No pressure. After all, it's a day of celebration. Not a day of sufferance.

At times like this I tend to think of that poor sap Clark W Griswold. You know, the dad from the National Lampoon movies. And at this time of year, Christmas Vacation especially. If you haven't seen that classic from 1989, do yourself a big favour and watch it. Chevy Chase as Clark is so over the top, he's bound to make even the weirdest among us feel normal.

It also features my favourite Christmas song of all time, Hawaiian Christmas by Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters.

Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say on a bright Hawaiian Christmas day

That's the island greeting that we send to you

From the land where palm trees sway

Here we know that Christmas will be green and bright

The sun will shine by day and all the stars at night

Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way to say Merry Christmas to you.

Why don't you drop over on Christmas Day? I might even sing it for you. But be warned. You'll need to be laid-back. Relaxed and mellow.

And don't expect any fanfare. Just family, friends and minimum fuss.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Originally published as Tips for a cruisy Christmas from a master of disaster