Campaign Confidential: Gongs for those who added colour
There can be only one winner in the Queensland election, but that doesn’t mean we can’t recognise the personalities who made it a colourful campaign – often unintentionally.
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As the state election campaign comes to a close, we have listed the winners of gongs for their comments and suggestions on the trail.
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BEST UNCOSTED POLICY THOUGHT BUBBLE
While this category is traditionally won by a leader, Labor’s Hinchinbrook candidate Paul Jacob emerged from left field to claim the gong.
Jacob briefly advocated a light rail system that would connect Ingham to Townsville and beyond.
Seem like a good idea, right?
However, the proposal was quickly shunted by Transport Minister Mark Bailey who gently advised the big spending proposal wasn’t currently a priority because of the COVID crisis.
ROCK ’N’ ROLL HALL OF FAME
After a platinum performance, the winner is that rocker from the north, Mackay’s Julianne Gilbert.
Waxing lyrical about the prospect of a new stadium for her city, Gilbert couldn’t wait to get the latest chart topper to her city.
“How great is this going to be when we get our next Elton John or KISS concert or some of those other young people who I don’t know the names of?” she said.
KING OF THE CATWALK
He swooned, he strutted and always with that irrepressible grin.
It was like Treasurer Cameron Dick cruised through the campaign with “I’m too sexy for my economic plan” playing in the background.
He began a trend among Labor ministers of holding the plan to their chest.
But none did it better than Dick.
LIAR, LIAR BIG PANTS ON FIRE AWARD
This one goes to Clive Palmer, of course.
While there were plenty of contenders – pretty much all of them – Palmer took the cake with his bogus claim Labor might introduce a death tax.
Pressed to verify his claim, Palmer insisted he’d heard it somewhere on the grapevine and left it at that.
“How dare Palmer tell a bigger lie than us,” screamed Labor after its LNP cuts campaign, which just demonstrated how good Palmer’s multimillion-dollar efforts were.
FIRST PRIZE FOR EXCELLENCE IN FUNDRAISING
And the winner is … the Greens’ Cooper candidate Katinka Winston-Allom.
Winston-Allom flogged off second-hand gear online in a fundraiser she cutely dubbed “Kitschathon”. Bless.
After we queried whether anyone would possibly want to purchase the preloved unmentionables up for grabs, she challenged her followers and pocketed $55.
We always seem to underestimate the Greens.
THE SORRY, NOT SORRY GONG FOR UNWANTED CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION
After much debate, this gong is being jointly awarded to one former premier and another who appears like she’s also destined to be a former premier soon.
Peter Beattie chimed in with digs at Annastacia Palaszczuk about how “minority governments do work” and how she should follow the lead of NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian and open the Queensland border.
And unlucky-in-love Berejiklian shares the award after blurting out on breakfast television about how she’d been in secret talks with Frecklington about opening the border.
With friends like these.
BEST ON FIELD FOR TAXPAYER-FUNDED TROLLING
Take a bow Steven Miles.
Fellow Labor trollers Mark Bailey and Don Brown could only watch on in wonder as the Health Minister clocked up the “likes” on Twitter with his daily “good morning to everyone except Deb Frecklington” digs.
GOLD STAR FOR EFFORTS AS AN INCOGNITO CANDIDATE
Lots of worthy contenders for this category but the winner was Clive Palmer’s mystery man in Burleigh, Carlo Filingeri.
So covert was Filingeri’s campaign not even Palmer could identify him in his local advertisements of Glitter Strip candidates.
Turns out Filingeri may be Palmer’s private pilot who recently filled out an error-riddled West Australian exemption form declaring he was female and the billionaire’s wife.
MUCH-COVETED HARD HAT AND HI-VIZ ACCOLADE
Annastacia Palaszczuk and Deb Frecklington might have duked it out every day on the campaign trail for who most frequency wore onsite safety gear.
But Main Roads Minister Mark “MangoCube” Bailey bested them both with his efforts donning a hard hat complete with floppy brim to keep his youthful appearances in order.
BEST ****ING CONTRIBUTION TO THE SWEAR JAR
Outgoing tourism minister Kate Jones’ final contribution to public life was possibly the best cut-through comment of the entire campaign.
“Quite frankly what Clive Palmer is doing right now is bullshit,” Jones offered, guaranteeing herself and the issue blanket coverage for her comment.
We’ll miss you, Kate.
SHAMELESS POLITICAL ADVERTISING ACCOLADE
From Hawaiian shirts, beach cricket and a plug for Pavlova, the Katter’s Australian Party advert beat all the big parties and their so-called gurus.
KAP nailed the ending with a shirtless Nick Dametto emerging from the water next to his tinnie with a carton of coldies on his buff shoulder.
QUEENSLAND PRIMARY SCHOOLS ASSOCIATION AWARD FOR EFFORT IN EDUCATING VOTERS
The unrivalled winner was the LNP’s Marnie Smith.
While on a “fact-finding road trip” through her sprawling prospective electorate of Traeger, Smith found herself in the front bar of the Three Rivers Hotel where she had this advice for voters.
“It’s very simple, if you want to change the Government, just vote 1 for the LNP,” she reckoned.
Ed: It’s not that simple under our recently reintroduced compulsory preferential voting. Mark every box.
Originally published as Campaign Confidential: Gongs for those who added colour