Day three of coronial inquest into brutal killing of Lilie James

The mother of murdered water polo coach Lilie James has delivered a heartbreaking statement to the NSW coroner’s court, saying the loss of their “beautiful” daughter would haunt the family forever.

The mother of murdered water polo coach Lilie James has delivered a heartbreaking statement to the NSW coroner’s court, saying the loss of their “beautiful” daughter would haunt the family forever.

In a heartbreaking speech delivered to the court by Lilie’s mum Peta, she said the world had lost a “loyal”, independent” and “intelligent” young woman.

With Lilie’s father Jamie sitting beside her, Peta said: “We will forever love you and never forget you”.

“Lilie sweet pea, I am so sorry that we couldn’t protect you from what happened that night, the guilt will stay with us forever,” Ms James said as she held back her tears.

“The impact that your death has had on dad, Max and I is devastating.”

“In the first few years of Lilie’s life we spent our first few years down at the beach and in winter at the park.”

Peta said throughout her life, Lilie had taken part in dance and swimming lessons.

“She was then able to teach swimming at a school she attended for Danebank Anglican School for girls for 13 years.

Dutch citizen Paul Thijssen beat his ex-girlfriend Lilie James (above) to death with a hammer. Picture: Facebook

“Her favourite subjects were sport, PE, followed by English … Lilie’s love for school was about the wonderful friends she made.”

Peta shared how Lilie had once done poorly in a maths exam, with her father not being able to understand.

“He didn’t understand how this could happen considering both her parents were in finance, Lilie’s response was – it’s okay dad I’m going to be a professional dancer, I don’t need maths,” she said.

Lilie’s mother said one of her proudest moments of Lilie’s sporting achievements was watching her daughter coaching St Andrew’s year 7 sporting team in the grand final.

“Unfortunately they didn’t win, but as she told me after the game, they played their best and there’s always next year.”

As tears streamed down her face, Peta recalled how her and Lilie had spent quality time together at the movies and having massages.

“I will always cherish this time we spent together for the rest of my life.”

The distraught mum said she and her husband Jamie sent Lilie to a school that had similar values to hers, which played a major part in the woman she later became.

“These choices made me question whether we did the right thing as parents, if we’re not teaching our sons how to respect and value a woman’s opinions and choices and learn how to accept rejection then we could be setting our daughters up for failure

“In our case a moment in time we will never recover from.”

It comes after family violence experts detailed the stark warning signs that were evident before Lilie was brutally murdered, including her killer’s sinister stalking tactics and other forms of coercive control.

Professor Kate Fitz-Gibbon, who is an international research leader in the area of domestic and family violence, and Anna Butler, manager of the Domestic Violence Death Review, told the coronial inquest into Ms James’ death on Thursday that her killer Paul Thijssen had “patterns” of stalking behaviour.

Dutch citizen Thijssen, 24, beat his 21-year-old colleague and ex-girlfriend Lilie James to death with a hammer in a bathroom at St Andrew’s Cathedral School in Sydney’s CBD just after 7pm on October 25, 2023.

Lilie James’ parents leave Sydney Coroner’s Court. Picture: NewsWire / Simon Bullard.

“He was constantly monitoring Lilie’s location at a party … and co-opting other people to keep an eye on her,” Ms Butler said.

This included tracking Ms James’ location using the ‘Snap Map’ feature on the Snapchat messaging platform and waiting for her outside a party so that she could not go home with another man.

Prof Fitz-Gibbon added the “tactics” Thijssen used with Ms James and his ex-girlfriend Freya in 2021 had shown patterns of coercive control.

“Asking to share their location, changing Facebook profiles, hacking and physical stalking,” she said.

Ms Butler said Thijssen’s behaviour had escalated when he “lost control”.

“He used manipulative tactics, derogatory language and degraded her,” she said.

“When she pushed back against his control, he physically escalated his abusive behaviour.”

Prof Fitz-Gibbon said technology-facilitated abuse had become more common over the past decade.

“This was certainly a behaviour concern … what we’ve seen is perpetrators using (these tactics) to enact visibility and control over an individual.”

The experts agreed that there could have been an opportunity for intervention from Thijssen’s friends.

“Some of that behaviour was normalised, I would see this as an opportunity to be called out,” Ms Butler said.

“Adolescents have the biggest influence on their peers,” she said.

It comes as the eSafety Commissioner is set to give evidence during the final day of a coronial inquest into the brutal killing of talented school water polo coach.

The inquest is set to wrap up following revelations of her killer’s sickening patterns of “coercive control” and gruesome details about the extent of her injuries.

Forensic experts on Wednesday told the coronial inquest into Ms James’ murder that her killer and former boyfriend, Thijssen, showed behaviours of “stalking” and “controlling” women.

His body was found two days later in the sea below the cliff in Diamond Bay at Vaucluse.

Forensic psychiatrist Danny Sullivan and clinical forensic psychologist Katie Seidler both told the NSW Coroner’s Court that Thijssen had displayed patterns of coercive control in a previous relationship and had repeated those behaviours with Ms James.

Dr Sullivan added Thijssen’s behaviour was “covert” and “methodical”.

He further described Thijssen’s behaviour as “gender-based violence” because he used physical violence against a woman who rejected him.

“He punished her by killing her,” he said.

However, the experts concluded Thijssen’s actions could not be blamed on a mental health disorder.

Dr Seidler said his attack on Ms James was motivated by fear rather than anger.

“This was not a man out of control. He was very meticulous in his planning,” Dr Seidler said, describing his call to triple-0.

“I think he was very afraid his carefully constructed public narrative was going to fall apart,” she added.

Jennifer Single SC, counsel assisting the coroner, told the inquest on Wednesday Ms James was “smiling” and interacting with Thijssen in the minutes before she was killed.

“There was no indication of what he was going to do,” Ms Single said.

Ms James is seen entering the bathroom at 7.12pm on the night in question. With a hammer in his right hand, Thijssen pushes the door open to ambush Ms James at 7.14pm.

The inquest was told the vibrant sports coach was not “immediately identifiable” when her bludgeoned body was discovered by police.

The court heard Thijssen hit Ms James with a hammer more than 25 times. Her post-mortem found she died from “multiple blunt force injuries on the head and neck”. She had so much blood in her hair that she looked of “Asian appearance” and appeared “black” when her body was found.

A triple-0 call was played to the court, revealing Thijssen told the operator there was a “body in the bathroom”.

Originally published as Day three of coronial inquest into brutal killing of Lilie James