WTF: Mail madness, the unnecessary eleven, storm damage
A pair of the region’s residents have received equally bizarre mail from two very different sources.
Geelong
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They’re the little – and sometimes not so little – things that can really irk us … and they’re back! A new slot, on a new page with the same old problems that have us all saying, woah, that’s frustrating!
(NOT SO) HAPPY BIRTHDAY
One of the Surf Coast’s newest 21-year-olds has received some surprising correspondence from Canberra.
Collecting the mail a few days after her big day, a pristine white card adorned with the nation’s coat of arms was waiting patiently.
Intrigued by the unexpected item, the Torquay resident opened the card to find a hand written message from, none other than, Corangamite MP Libby Coker.
“I would like to wish you all the best for your 21st birthday,” the letter read.
“I hope you have a wonderful day with your family and friends, and remember, I am always here to help if you need it.
“Warmest regards, Libby x.”
The only problem?
“I voted one Greens,” she said.
JUDGING THE ‘JUNK’ MAIL
On the subject of unsolicited correspondence, the good burghers of Highton received some, er, interesting “junk” mail recently.
In a four-page leaflet, ominously entitled “MISSING”, the NSW-based Herald of Hope group warned that “millions of people will instantly vanish without warning, causing chaos and grief worldwide”.
Taking a deep breath, one resident dared turn the page to find out more about this impending catastrophe.
Was an army of AI robots about to storm the Barrabool Hills? Were those late with their final rate instalment to be banished to the colonies, a la The Handmaid’s Tale?
No, the “great tribulation” would see a Satan-possessed dictator – “The Beast” – lead a world government.
Only God’s true believers would survive, thanks to a complimentary one-way ticket to heaven.
The resident’s conclusion: “What utter s**t.”
Religious material, for the record, can land in “No Junk Mail” letterboxes thanks to standards developed by the Australian Catalogue Association.
HANDS IN THE PIE
We would sympathise with the state government spin doctor tasked with co-ordinating the latest press release promoting the undoubtedly impressive $450m Geelong convention centre if they were not paid so handsomely to do so.
The three-page, 1000-plus word release that landed on WTF’s desk on Thursday included quotes from not one, not two, but 11 stakeholders.
Led by Deputy Prime Minister Richard Marles, Labor politicians accounted for six voices, then we had the mayor, traditional owners, consortium manager, construction lead, and centre boss all giving their take.
Jargon levels were comparable to WTF’s excitement of the hotel’s rooftop bar opening next year.
There was “landmark” (four times) and “game-changer” (twice), but top marks went to the centre’s general manager Rick Aylett: “It’s not just a building; it’s the foundation for a major economic and tourism boost …”
Bravo.
ABSOLUTE RUBBISH
In February, the storm of the century rolled through Geelong.
Rain poured, the winds roared, and the damage was immense.
The clean-up effort was too, or... is too?
An intrepid reader brought to the attention of WTF debris cleared off LaTrobe Tce, which was dumped on the median strip near the intersection with Little Myers St, presumably to be picked up another day.
“It has been there since the big storm,” he said.
“It is glaringly obvious and sitting in the middle of the main thoroughfare through Geelong.”
The branches seem to be settling in, having shed their leaves in preparation for a long winter in the elements.
TROUBLED WATERS
An avid year-round swimmer at the Kardinia Park Aquatic Centre is troubled on several fronts.
The recent revelation the old water slide is being replaced by a giant inflatable obstacle course came with the rider the location of this newfangled fun activity is unknown.
Will it be dropped into one of the already busy pools, he asks, or the not-so-much-fun squishy diving pool?
A council bureaucrat declares the decision has considered the “long-term implications of the site through the Kardinia Park master plan and potential funding avenues”.
Our deep-dive contact says all that’s known about a master plan is the senior citz and netball players may be getting the boot and an aesthetically appalling high-rise hotel taking over parkland gifted to the community back in 1872.
Our informant also argues if the council is serious about physical and mental wellbeing, it should rethink the single pool winter opening hours.
He says early morning squads take up to four lanes with lap swimmers cramming into the rest.
“That’s OK and the kids training are fantastic, but after they finish around 7.30am the centre closes at 8.30am,” he says.
“That doesn’t leave much time for the ageing regulars, who are not so sprightly anymore – 9am would help them and people who work.”
ONE LAST THING
Last week we brought you an odd story about a rooster heard in the Geelong CBD.
Since then, it seems the bird’s crow has fell silent.
It’s left us wondering, has he been removed? Or does this spell fowl play?
Well, it seems we’ve gotten to the bottom of it, thanks to our dear friends at City Hall.
“We can confirm that a rooster that was heard in central Geelong recently was removed by its owner from a Little Malop Street premises on the night of Thursday June 5 to a different location,” City of Greater Geelong executive director of city Life Anthony Basford said.
“The rooster had been caged in a courtyard.
“It’s believed the owner was in the process of trying to find the bird a new home.
“As roosters aren’t allowed in residential or commercial buildings less than 4000sqm, flats, units or townhouses, or buildings in central Geelong, we have asked the person who flagged its location with us to make contact again if it returns.”
Want to get in touch about something else? Email JOURNO@GEELONGADVERTISER.COM.AU
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