‘Every day’s still a struggle’: School refusal’s heavy toll for mum and son

Wilbur Groth went from a happy, energetic kid with lots of friends to nervous, anxious and struggling to attend school.

Before Covid hit, Wilbur Groth was “rambunctious, a typical boy, a bit crazy at times, lots of energy”.

But endless weeks of lockdowns at his Melbourne primary school took a devastating toll. When children were finally allowed back full-time in the classroom – after a total of 263 days at home, more than anywhere else in the world – Wilbur struggled.

“I felt nervous, stressful, I found it hard to talk to new people because they were complete strangers and I didn’t know if they’d like the same stuff as me,” said the teenager, who is now in Year 8.

Wilbur Groth has struggled to return to school since the Covid lockdowns. Picture: Supplied

For Wilbur’s mum, Danica, it was the start of a nightmare that continues to haunt her family five years after school returned to normal.

Today, Wilbur is one of nearly half a million students failing to attend school full-time. Another 80,000 have vanished from the education system.

“Before lockdown … he just had so many friends and everything was just good,” Ms Groth said.

“The effects have been so great on my son, every day’s still a struggle with school.”

Ms Groth and Wilbur tell their story in Lockdown Kids: How How To Break a Generation, a four-part docu-series that delves into the long-term impacts of placing the nation’s children into lockdown during the pandemic.

Episode three looks at plummeting rates of school attendance in the wake of Covid lockdowns.

Danica Groth and her son, Wilburn, who has struggled to return to school since the Covid lockdowns. Picture: Supplied

Ms Groth said before the pandemic disrupted Wilbur’s school life, he showed no signs of anxiety.

“After Covid, kids started going back to school and that’s when it started happening,” said the mum-of-one, who lives in Melbourne’s northern suburbs.

“Lots of people that don’t experience school refusal, you tell them about it and they’re just like ‘you just make the kid go to school’. I’m like, you don’t understand. It’s impossible. I would have to physically drag him out the door, which I can’t do.

“I look at all the other families and everything just seems to be completely fine, the kids just get up, get dressed, go to school, there’s no issue. Every time he wouldn’t go, I would just be a complete mess.

Wilbur Groth has struggled to return to school since the Covid lockdowns. Picture: Supplied

“I’m kind of banging my head against a wall and I feel like a failure as a parent, basically.”

Ms Groth has sought professional help from Melbourne’s School Refusal Clinic, which uses therapy and group exercise training to encourage children to return to their learning environments.

She said her 13-year-old son was “going a bit better” at his high school this year.

“Even though the School Refusal Clinic is awesome, it’s a big out-of-pocket expense that we can’t really afford but it’s pretty much the only option that we have,” she said.

Ms Groth said she harboured a “level of anger” about Victoria’s record-breaking lockdowns.

“The pandemic is essentially over but for us as a family it feels like it’s still kind of going,” she said.

Originally published as ‘Every day’s still a struggle’: School refusal’s heavy toll for mum and son