‘Ongoing nightmare’: Domestic violence victim warns arrests aren’t always the end

There has been more than a 20 per cent increase in GoFundMe pages that mention domestic violence this year, and a victim has this warning.

WARNING: Distressing content

A victim-survivor of domestic violence has issued the stark warning that abuse often doesn’t end with an arrest as fundraisers launched for DV surge.

Julie, 47, had been friends with her son’s godfather 15 years before the two started dating.

Having just exited a marriage with the father of her four children, Julie said her friend was “helpful and charming” at first, but it wasn’t long before the abuse started.

In a victim impact statement seen by NewsWire, Julie described being thrown by her hair, having her bones broken, having her diet controlled (resulting in an eating disorder), and even suffering takotsubo cardiomyopathy (broken heart syndrome) after an episode of abuse.

She even claimed he destroyed her only remaining possessions of one of her children who died at the age of 10, ending the statement with a plea to not let her “become yet another statistic”.

Thousands gathered at rallies to demand an end to predominantly male violence this year. Picture: NewsWire / Monique Harmer

Julie was afraid she’d be killed. Picture: NewsWire / Max Mason-Hubers

Julie feared he’d “accidentally kill (her)” and recorded evidence of abuse using Arc – a discrete app that can be used to document abuse – before asking him to leave.

“He wouldn’t go. In the end, it just got too scary,” she said, saying she called the police.

“He told me he was going to burn the house down with me and the kids inside.”

Julie claimed she thought the abuse was a result of a brain injury he’d reportedly acquired years prior; however, she asked if that were the case why was it just she and her children who experienced violence at the hands of him and not anyone else.

“He left me with a bunch of debt, PTSD – my kids have PTSD,” she said.

The man was charged with 18 counts of common assault (DV), assault occasioning actual bodily harm (DV), intentionally choke etc person without consent (DV), and stalk/intimidate intend fear physical etc harm (domestic) in October 2022.

He was sentenced to four years in jail with a non-parole period of two years and four months.

‘ONGOING NIGHTMARE’

Not able to return to full-time work and having to leave study due to the impact of the abuse, Julie said this year had been the first time she’d been able to “exhale”.

However, the problems did not end there, as her ex partner made legal claims on her property and some of her assets. She resorted to settling the dispute with the 47-year-old rather than taking it to court and incurring more costs.

A friend has set up the GoFun Me page “Help for domestic violence survivor” – referring to Julie anonymously as “K” – to help her with the costs, as Julie claimed she didn’t meet eligibility requirements for Legal Aid.

“On his way out he destroyed my relationships with my family, with my friends – that’s part of what they do, they isolate you,” Julie said.

Julie and her family are living off ‘rice and mince’ due to the financial pressure. Picture: NewsWire / Nicholas Eagar

“I couldn’t go to my parents and ask for money, you lose all of those supports. There was nobody I could ask.”

The fundraiser remains online, but Julie said there’s “only so many times (she) can share it”.

“I don’t know where to go from here,” she said.

“It’s just an ongoing nightmare,” Julie said.

More than 700 GoFundMe pages that mention domestic violence have been set up this year alone. Picture:NewsWire/ Monique Harmer

Julie said she had to replace furniture she could no longer bring herself to look at.

“A lot of the assaults were throwing me against furniture,” Julie said.

“I had to get rid of everything. I couldn’t sleep in my room, I couldn’t sit on the lounge, I couldn’t look at the furniture.”

FUNDRAISING SURGE

There have been more than 700 GoFundMe pages that mention domestic violence set up this year alone, according to the organisation, with more than 100 being set up just last month.

This is a 23 per cent increase from September last year.

GoFundMe regional director Nicola Britton said while she was glad to provide a platform to offer assistance, “the increasing use of (GoFundMe) in this way indicates deeper systemic issues could be preventing those impacted from getting help sooner”.

The harrowing statistics come two years on from the launch of the National Plan to End Violence against Women and Children, with frontline services continuing to scream out for support.

Nicolle Edwards, founder and chief executive of RizeUp Australia – an organisation dedicated to supporting victim-survivors of DV – said “this year has tragically been one of the deadliest for women in Australia”.

“The increase in fundraisers also reflects a growing crisis – more women and children desperately need support, and our services are being stretched to capacity,” Ms Edwards said.

“The reality is that while fundraising efforts are critical for maintaining these essential services, they also signal that domestic violence remains an urgent, widespread issue.”

Originally published as ‘Ongoing nightmare’: Domestic violence victim warns arrests aren’t always the end