‘Va-va-voom’: Easy way to bring ‘a little spark’ back to your relationship tonight

It’s a sexy habit many of us are too shy to indulge in – but according to Jana Hocking, that’s a huge mistake for your love life.

Question – have you ever sent a nude shot of yourself to someone?

I have. In fact, I’ve sent several.

Get me on a good day, with hair, makeup and nice lighting, and I’ll whip off my clothes and grab a couple of nudie rudie shots to save in the ol’ naughty folder on my phone for a later date. You know, just in case the need arises.

Because let’s be honest, there’s nothing more annoying then getting into a saucy text exchange with someone and they say, “send me a shot of you right now” – and you’re thinking, “crap, I look rank”.

Perhaps you’ve just got back from the gym and you’re all red and splotchy, or you’ve been sitting on the lounge binge watching telly for the last hour and can’t be bothered to get up, whack on some makeup and fiddle with the lighting until you’ve got it at a flattering setting.

But it’s not an issue if you’ve got some cheeky pics stored in a folder on your phone – you can just whip one of those bad boys out and he’ll think you look that glamorous 24/7.

So, take this as a hot tip – next time you’re feeling va-va-voom, why not take a cheeky snap?

But I’m getting off topic.

The reason I ask if you’ve ever sent a nude is because under the right circumstances, it can be a wondrous thing. Sadly, there’s far too many of us still hiding behind clothes. (And perhaps the narrative that if you send one you must be a floozy – sigh).

In fact, according to a preliminary survey conducted by news.com.au for the The Great Aussie Debate – a census with questions you really want answered – the only people getting their sexts on properly are 18-29-year-olds, with a whopping 45 per cent of them admitting to nuding up for the thrills of their crush.

That’s compared to the very lowly 22 per cent of 40-49-year-olds who have sent one.

(Side note: tickle me pink, because I have definitely been sent a sexy snap from at least two of those 22 per cent who ticked yes).

So why are so many peeps getting all shy and coy in front of the camera?

Because we all live in fear that those pics are going to end up on some random OnlyFans account, or worse still … PornHub.

But in the right (and safe) circumstances, it can be ridiculously liberating.

'Next time you’re feeling va-va-voom, why not take a cheeky snap?' Pictures: Instagram/@jana_hocking

We’ve all got hangups – mine is my big ol’ hips and butt. True story, my dance teacher in high school once announced to the class that I had my mother’s “child bearing hips”. Oh lordy, my Mum marched up to my dance class the following week like a woman possessed. Because we don’t comment negatively on people’s bodies, people.

Anyway, ever since she said that, I’ve always been a little self-conscious about them. That was until one night I sent a man I was very comfortable with a nude selfie in my mirror.

He almost wrote poetry about the curves on my body and I can’t tell you what a relief it was.

Ever since then, I’ve learnt to not only accept, but try and enhance those curves. Because what you discover after sending a nude pic is that men don’t care about your tiny stretch marks or low hanging boobs. They just want to see boobs. Yours.

But obviously, there’s some safety measures when it comes to sending a saucy pic of yourself.

The only people getting their sexts on properly are 18-29-year-olds. Picture: iStock

1. Never include your face: Sure, you may think he is the love of your life, but we’ve all seen relationships go pear-shaped. Don’t let your dud break-up include some identifiable revenge porn.

2. Take off any jewellery and/or try and avoid including any tattoos in shot: You always want a “Nope, that’s not me” escape clause.

3. Make sure the only nudes you are sending are to someone you would trust: Our guts never lie, people – even if our hearts (and private parts) want to believe otherwise. Listen to your intuition, and if it’s giving youM suss vibes, don’t send one.

Once you’ve checked off all the above, I can highly recommend spicing up your love life with a cheeky nude photo.

Whether it be sending your partner one when you know he’s bored at work with a cheeky “thinking about you” text or a “this is what you can look forward to tonight” – or because you got in a fight and you know he’s fuming – you can send him a boob shot and BAM, all is forgiven. Oh men, such simple creatures to please.

If you don’t feel comfortable doing a full-frontal shot, why not just send an outline of your boobs, or your legs in a hot bath, or a black and white pic of your curvaceous butt in the mirror?

Life gets boring, but your love life shouldn’t.

Who knew there was a rectangular vice attached to your hand that could bring a little spark back to your life?

Just don’t send it when you know he’s in a crowded bar. Safe to say the whole room doesn’t need to see your boobs. Or do they … you saucy minx?

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as ‘Va-va-voom’: Easy way to bring ‘a little spark’ back to your relationship tonight