Real meaning behind ‘fertility privilege’ and the complex issue of modern motherhood

From Fifi Box to Elizabeth Day, meet the high-profile women changing how we speak about fertility, pregnancy loss and motherhood’s great expectations.

Meet the women changing how we speak about fertility, pregnancy loss and motherhood’s great expectations.

The complex issue of becoming a parent, or the conscious decision not to, is at the heart of a new summer series episode of Stellar’s podcast, Something To Talk About.

It begins revisiting a powerful conversation with influencer Sarah Davidson, who shared her experience of pregnancy loss to break the taboo around speaking publicly about miscarriage.

This issue was also at the centre of Stellar’s interview with British author and podcaster Elizabeth Day, who spoke with such candour that she moved many listeners to tears when detailing the anger, the grief – and ultimately, the acceptance – that she experienced when coming to terms with this chapter of her life.

Listen to the full episode on Something To Talk About below or wherever you get your podcasts:

Having famously coined the term “fertility privilege”, Elizabeth had many thought-provoking observations as to what we should and shouldn’t share on social media when navigating baby news. And how can we support the people in our lives who have had that choice taken away from them?

“When I coined the term fertility privilege, I think I was angry,” Day told Stellar. “I was still going through it [infertility]. And I’m glad I was angry. And it was completely appropriate.

“I wanted to speak up for this silent cohort of extraordinary people who had been through so much but didn’t feel seen in the broader society. And so the reason I coined the term fertility privilege was not an attempt to shame people for having their children.

“There’s a whole set of people who just feel that they don’t have a voice. When I was trying to get pregnant, it felt that motherhood was getting so fetishised online.

“It felt that there was very little space for those of us who didn’t share that experience, to talk about what was going on for us.”

Fifi Box with her daughters Daisy and Trixie. Picture: Sam Bisso for Stellar

Michelle Andrews, of Shameless Media, told Something To Talk About that the decisions regarding if and when to have children is her “Roman Empire”.

And what of those who have decided to be childfree, and yet are forced to contend with unsolicited questions over that decision? As Maria Thattil said: “That is my decision, to be child free”.

“I do not believe I’m going to change my mind. But as a free person, I’m going to be freezing my eggs to give myself the choice in case in 5678 years, whatever, I change my mind, and it’s that it’s, this is my life,” she told STTA. “If I want to do this, I’ll do this. If I change my mind, that’s also OK.”

As a single mother to two daughters, the youngest of whom was conceived via IVF, Fifi Box opened up about the highs and lows of that process.

A warning that this episode touches on subject matter that could be triggering for some listeners. For support or information about pregnancy loss, visit miscarriageaustralia.com.au.

Listen to the full episode of Something To Talk About below or wherever you get your podcasts:

Originally published as Real meaning behind ‘fertility privilege’ and the complex issue of modern motherhood