Michelle Bridges: ‘I looked in the mirror, WTF is going on?’
The fitness mogul discusses the health crisis that left her questioning everything about her body – and sets the record straight about her dating life.
Michelle Bridges talks about her perimenopause paradox: from feeling self-conscious for the first time to “taking the reins” – even on bad dates.
Stellar: It’s been two years since you last sat down with Stellar, and in that time – owing to a health struggle that first began in 2020 – you have written a new book.
Michelle Bridges: It’s a guide for women experiencing perimenopause. It’s my 18th book.
I didn’t even know if I had another one in me. I’ve been researching it for close to four years. My business and my personal worlds collided and this is what’s come from it. It’s given me a real lease on life again. I’ve leaned into something that I didn’t think I was ever going to lean into … which is something I always say to my ladies: “Get a little uncomfortable.”
Listen to Michelle Bridges on Someting To Talk About:
Stellar: The Perimenopause Method opens with these words: “One afternoon in late 2020, I walked out of my GP’s office with a script in my hand for an antidepressant. I wasn’t depressed. I was perimenopausal.” That year had been a very difficult time for you. What was going through your mind in that moment?
Michelle Bridges: I didn’t have a clue what was wrong with me. I know my body and my mindset very well and couldn’t quite put my finger on what was up. I said [to my doctor], “I swear I’m not a hypochondriac, but I’ve been in your office probably four times in a month … what’s going on?” I had little heart palpitations. I intrinsically know that my heart is as strong as Phar Lap, but I’m like, maybe there’s something wrong. I had incredible hip pain. I had ringing in my ears all night long: tinnitus. I was waking up hot and sweaty, then I couldn’t get back to sleep. I had a little bit of anxiety, which I’d never had before. My vitamin D was [also] deficient.
I know now that those are fairly strong milestones that you could be in perimenopause. [My doctor] said, “We’re all going through a bit of a rough moment with the pandemic, and your relationship has ended and you’ve got a four-year-old [Axel, now 9, her son with former partner Steve Willis] and you’re single parenting.
I think you should go on this script.” I [then] sat in the car for a good 10 minutes thinking, “Is this really where I’m at? I’m a bit flat, but am I depressed?” I’ve got no judgment against antidepressants. They work wonders for many women and men, but I found it quite confronting.
Stellar: You would ultimately learn you’d been correct in sensing it wasn’t actually depression.
Michelle Bridges: I remember saying to my best friend one day, “I feel this weird sense of impending doom, like something bad is gonna happen.” There was some different thinking I was experiencing for the first time in my life, but I didn’t want to go down the path of taking drugs yet. Something was blocking me.
That was happening in my private life. And then in my business world, for several years, women were coming at us saying, “Please do something for menopause.” I remember going, “I’ll get onto that.” And at the same time, in the back of my mind, [thinking], “Do I wanna be a woman in the fitness industry admitting to or talking about menopause?” But I gave myself a good talking to and said, “Michelle, you’ve always championed and empowered women. By not saying anything, you’re perpetuating the ageism and taboo around this topic. So lean into this.”
I remember walking through [a Sydney shopping centre] listening to a podcast of [US gynaecologist] Dr Mary Claire Haver and she was saying, “Every patient that walks into my office” – and all she sees is menopausal or perimenopausal women – “their ‘bad cholesterol’ is up and their vitamin D is deficient.” I had a flashback of all the stuff I’d been reading. I thought, far out – I’m a perimenopausal woman. I never really knew what that word was when I started the work. I didn’t even know that word existed.
Stellar: How did you feel upon that realisation? Was it relief? Or shock?
Michelle Bridges: All of the above. That’s the moment I put my foot down. I said, “Right, we’ve gotta get this stuff done.” I remember standing in the school playground watching all the mums at pick-up, and thinking they either don’t know what’s coming, or they think it’s for their late 50s, 60s. I wanted to get on a big microphone and go, “I have to tell you all something. It’s really important.” When I first started talking about this, no-one wanted to talk to me. I couldn’t get an interview anywhere. I was gagging to tell everyone about all this stuff I’d found out. A lady I’ve worked with for many years in publicity was like, “I can’t see that on the breakfast shows.” And I’m like, “But why? It’s 50 per cent of the population. Half the staff are females, one of the lead anchors is a woman.” I found it a bit frustrating. Then slowly but surely, it started to change. Fast forward to 2024, and I had a radio interview with Triple M. The blokes all wanted to know about it for their partners.
Listen to Michelle Bridges on Someting To Talk About:
Stellar: Did anyone ever give you a satisfactory answer as to why they didn’t want to talk about it?
Michelle Bridges: At the time it was very unsexy, very taboo, with a lot of shameful connotations around it. It’s still a topic a lot of ladies don’t want to go near – they fear it may affect their career, [that they’ll] get looked upon as being whingers. That attitude is very old-school, but it’s still there.
Stellar: How did your relationship with your body evolve as you entered this chapter of your life?
Michelle Bridges: We’re taught from a very young age that everything is [about] anti-ageing. It’s so ingrained. I remember looking in the mirror going, “What the f*** is going on? Oh my God.” I really saw changes in my body. For one of the first times in my life, I suddenly felt a bit self-conscious. Certainly when I was in perimenopause, I was having moments thinking, gosh, I’ve put on weight. I’m not training because I’m not sleeping. I’m not feeling it. I’m turning up to training like a bucket of lead with an achy hip. I remember feeling disheartened and thinking, am I about to wave the white flag? Never in my life have I ever thought that. It wasn’t until I really started understanding what was happening and how I can support myself better. I’ve spoken with so many women who have been completely knocked by this time of their life. But also, let’s celebrate the fact that most women, by the time they hit close to 50, don’t give a s*** what other people think anymore. You get to this age [54] and you see what’s important. You’ve made mistakes, had the joys, the highs, the lows. I see it as an opportunity to become the CEO of your own life and say to everyone, “Piss off. I’m taking the reins on my own life.” It’s a real moment, and it’s powerful.
Stellar: As a former trainer on The Biggest Loser, you’ve previously spoken to Stellar about your thoughts on that reality show, and the fitness industry more broadly, looking back on it now. Has your experience of feeling vulnerable about your weight shifted your perspective about the clients you’ve worked with?
Michelle Bridges: I was definitely like, “Oh, the shoe is on the other foot.” It had me feeling like, why is it that something that’s been a rock for me, I’ve suddenly let it go. It had me questioning some of my beliefs around my own physical wellbeing. It was the sleep deprivation. It was watching my body change. It was not feeling like I wanted to do a workout. And watching some of my strengths slip away. It’s like, what’s happening?
Stellar: You also write about how you have been “monumentally s*** at boundaries” throughout your life. How has that changed compared to the woman you are today?
Michelle Bridges: I was fairly structured in my business as far as boundaries were concerned, but when it came to my personal life, I’m a people pleaser. I wanted to keep everybody happy. I wanted to keep myself happy, too. This time of our life is like a rite of passage. We come into our 50s and we’re starting to see it in a different way. The last couple of years, I’ve had some fairly strong conversations around a board table to men who are several years older than me that I would never have normally done. I’m polite and diplomatic, but I know it’s something they weren’t quite prepared to hear. I walk out of those rooms and I’m shaking. I’m a little like, “That was not easy, but goddammit, I feel good for that.”
Stellar: You have also started dating again …
Michelle Bridges: Oh, God!
Stellar: You recently shared on Instagram that you went on your first date since becoming single (she and Willis split in 2020, after five years together).
Michelle Bridges: I’m talking about [the fact] I was never even ready to do this. I’ve been in “mum mode”, “book mode”, “career mode”, “staff mode”. All the modes. Just not “dating mode”. But my close circle of female friends – and my therapist – have all been cheering me on to do it, saying, “You’re gonna have war stories, but it’s like a badge of honour and it’s hilarious.” I just didn’t expect it to be on the first date.
Stellar: So, about that. It was your first date in five years and he didn’t show up?
Michelle Bridges: Yeah, in the Uber on the way there, I was realising I was gonna be late, so I thought, I’ll go back on the app and explain. But he’d disappeared. Our conversation was gone; his profile was gone. It was like he never existed. Then I started gaslighting myself, thinking, I’ve done this wrong. I don’t know how to use this app. Have I pushed the wrong button? But there’s good news. I walked in, and this guy down the back [of the bar] was eyeballing me. He goes, “If this guy doesn’t show, can I buy you a drink and get your number?” I’m like, “Dude, you’re like 37.” We just chatted for a while. Bit young, though.
Stellar: That seems to be quite common now – a lot of women in their 50s say guys in their 30s are really interested in them …
Michelle Bridges: The last time I went on a date, I would’ve been in my late 20s. So I don’t even know what I’m doing. I think there could be another book in this. I’ve had so many people reach out. I’m happy to put myself up for the self-effacing joke if it gets people giggling. I saw a headline that said “Humiliated Michelle Bridges” and was like, “Umm … I was quite empowered by the messaging I was giving the ladies.” I wasn’t humiliated. If anyone should be humiliated, it’s the dude who didn’t show up. If I was, do you think I would have put it up on social media?
Listen to Michelle Bridges on Someting To Talk About:
Stellar: It’s good to hear you won’t let that sort of nonsense stop you from sharing more behind the scenes of any future dating stories.
Michelle Bridges: Well, I think I will. I don’t know if I’m quite cut out for it. I did a second [date] recently, and that was another interesting but funny experience. But, you know, he showed up.
The Perimenopause Method by Michelle Bridges (Pantera Press, $36.99) is out on August 26. Michelle Bridges is the guest on a new episode of the Stellar podcast, Something To Talk About, out now wherever you get your podcasts.
See her full cover shoot in today’s Stellar. For more from Stellar and Something To Talk About, click here.
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