‘I don’t want to pretend to be 39’: Kat Stewart on Offspring, motherhood and the need for more ‘complex’ roles for women

Former Offspring star Kat Stewart on why more ‘complex’ roles for women are needed - and the unlikely inspiration she has taken from And Just Like That...

Picture: Damian Bennett for Stellar

Many actors who fall in love rarely risk doing a project together because they know there will be added scrutiny on their chemistry onscreen – and even off-screen. Just look at what happened to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Or Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise.

Given the odds, Kat Stewart and her husband, David Whiteley, entered into a special pact when they decided to tackle the lead roles in Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?, Edward Albee’s 1962 play. As their characters savagely dissect each other and their volatile marriage in the classic black comedy, Stewart tells Stellar they “made a decision to be really kind to each other. It’s gloves off on stage, it’s a fight to the death – it has to be. So we made that real distinction that we’re going to be supportive of each other.”

While Stewart, 51, has long combined theatre with her successful television career in series such as Underbelly, Offspring and Five Bedrooms, the choice to tread the boards opposite Whiteley didn’t come lightly, especially as this would be the first time they’ve taken on substantial parts opposite each other since the early days of their relationship 20 years ago.

Picture: Damian Bennett for Stellar

With their happy and stable marriage the backbone to a family that includes son Archie, 12, and daughter Gigi, 8, was it foolhardy playing a couple so venomous and hellbent on mutual destruction?

“Generally, we’re pretty nice to each other, but plays can bleed and work can bleed and I think you’re naive if you think you’re bulletproof,” Stewart says.

“I think you need to pay attention and be a little bit generous, so that’s something we’ve been conscious of.”

The play, which opened at Melbourne’s Red Stitch Actors’ Theatre in November, was such a blistering success that it’s about to be reprised at the city’s high-profile Comedy Theatre. That’s great for Stewart, who admits she savours the moments each night when she’s waiting in the wings to enter a scene only to be transfixed by Whiteley’s command of the stage.

“It might sound corny, but I fancied Dave as an actor before I fancied him,” she says.

“To see him really on fire is so exciting. Sometimes it’s distracting. I get a real kick out of it. He’s really, really, really, good.”

Picture: Damian Bennett for Stellar

Performing together in the celebrated production was a bucket-list dream for the pair, who say that taking their relationship out of the house and into the theatre has been invigorating.

“I love being on stage with Kat,” Whiteley, 57, tells Stellar.

“I love those moments where we’re slinging off at each other. We both know what we’re doing and are enjoying the freedom of being able to do this outrageous play together and have a little chuckle about it afterwards.”

They’ve spent the past 15 years going to each other’s individual opening nights and premieres, but as Whiteley notes, “If you’re not in the show it’s not the same. To be in this show where we’re both up to our necks in it, it’s such a wonderful feeling to be doing that with the person you love and are going home with.”

Since winning the Silver Logie for Most Outstanding Actress for her role as gangland widow Roberta Williams in the 2008 Nine Network series Underbelly, Stewart has worked almost constantly, first in Foxtel’s relationship drama Tangle from 2009, then as gutsy Billie Proudman in Network 10’s beloved comedy-drama Offspring, a role that stretched for eight years and made her a household name.

Four seasons of the Network 10/Paramount+ housemates series Five Bedrooms have kept her busy since 2019, and she joined season two of the Stan crime drama Black Snow starring Vikings star Travis Fimmel, which recently filmed on the Gold Coast.

Picture: Damian Bennett for Stellar

Travelling is rare, however, since most of Stewart’s screen and stage work has been based in Melbourne. Even so, Whiteley admits scheduling requires some deft handling, particularly this year when Stewart has had gigs interstate.

“It’s not easy and a lot of couples won’t both be actors,” he adds. “Kat has had continuous work and successful projects that have had multiple series, which puts a bit of a burden on me because I was literally raising the kids, with her help obviously. I’ve taken on a lot of that and looked after the house and all the associated things. But Kat is ready to drop everything if I get a job, and [then] she takes over.”

Speaking separately, the couple exudes a great warmth for each other and the determination to prioritise family harmony while sharing an understanding of the vagaries and disappointments that come with their profession. They’re certainly faring better than Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, who played Martha and George in the 1966 film version of the same play. While Taylor won an Academy Award for Best Actress, her two marriages to Burton (in 1964 and again in 1975) didn’t survive.

Looking back at her own romantic history, Stewart says that she’s not a “dater”, having always been “quite cautious with my heart”. She and Whiteley were friends before they became a couple, having met when he was a member of the panel auditioning her to become part of the Melbourne theatre ensemble Red Stitch.

He recalls being mightily impressed; she recalls having to slink back into the theatre having left her handbag on stage.

In 2002, they appeared on stage as a conflicted writing team in Lee Blessing’s drama Down The Road; Stewart – who long had a personal rule of not dating actors – found herself enjoying the moment when their characters kissed.

“I remember thinking, ‘Gee, I shouldn’t be looking forward to this bit,’” she recalls with a laugh. “There was something there, but it took a couple of years to actually get together.”

Wary about starting a family, Stewart was researching Billie’s IVF storyline in Offspring when she realised, at age 37, that time was of the essence.

“I was really enjoying my work and I wasn’t prioritising kids because I knew it would slow me down,” she says. “I wasn’t super maternal, to be honest. I’m so grateful to Offspring because it gave me a little tap on shoulder and said, ‘Hey, you can’t put this on the backburner forever – here are the stats.’ By the end of that series, Archie was on the way. We were very lucky.”

Not long after Stewart lost her beloved mum Kitty to pancreatic cancer in 2015, she gave birth to Gigi – and with her working up to 14 hours a day, she and Whiteley quickly learnt to co-pilot as parents.

“He’s great, he’s really good at it,” she says. “He’s incredibly competent, he’s better at cooking than I am, he’s incredibly practical. He’s better than me at a lot of things. I’m not even being nice, that’s the truth.”

Kat Stewart is on the cover of this Sunday’s Stellar. Picture: Stellar

Taking on Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? has caused Stewart to reflect on how much gender roles have changed since Albee wrote the characters. Martha is a dynamic and intelligent woman constrained by the age she lives in – much like Glenn Close’s fictional Joan Castleman in 2017 film The Wife, and Eileen O’Shaughnessy, the witty Oxford University graduate who married George Orwell and whose experiences are chronicled in Anna Funder’s 2023 book Wifedom: Mrs Orwell’s Invisible Life.

“Martha couldn’t write a cheque on her own. She’s a college-educated woman who has literally nothing she can do with her education or her incredible intelligence,” Stewart explains.

“She has to live her life through trying to strategise her husband’s career because she’s not allowed to have her own. She doesn’t have her own money, she doesn’t have her own opportunities. In the 1960s, you had to suck it up and make it work.”

Directed by Helpmann Award-winner Sarah Goodes, the play was taken on by Stewart and Whiteley for love, not money – as evident, they both joke, by the fortune they’ve spent paying babysitters to look after Archie and Gigi during the first run and will again when they hit the stage once more from June 29.

Archie, who is a keen writer, has seen a performance and gotten a lot out of it, Whiteley tells Stellar, despite witnessing his parents going at each other on stage.

‘I’m so grateful to Offspring because it gave me a little tap on [the] shoulder.’ Asher Keddie and Kat Stewart in a scene from Offspring.

‘Me and my friends want to see ourselves onscreen.’ Kat Stewart says shows like And Just Like That, starring Sarah Jessica Parker (far right), depit women living ‘complex’ and ‘interesting’ lives. Picture: Getty Images

As for Stewart, the play represents a transition into playing characters who are experiencing middle-age realities because, while she may have an ageless, elfin face, there are roles she’s drawn to beyond the hapless sibling or the dysfunctional housemate

“I think a big part of doing this play was owning this period of my life and saying, ‘OK, yeah, I’m old enough to play this role now,’” she explains.

“I don’t want to pretend to be 39-and-three-quarters anymore. Women who are 45-plus and beyond are fascinating. We’ve got plenty to say and plenty to do, so I’m excited about representing us as much as I can.

“Me and my friends want to see ourselves onscreen. It doesn’t have to be me – though it would be nice if it was – but we just want to see our stories. We’re a huge part of the market; we hold the remote control and we have money to spend. Shows like And Just Like That …, which wasn’t perfect, [prove that] we want to see ourselves on screen and it makes economic sense. Our lives are more complex and more interesting than they’ve ever been at any other point.”

Should the right role come along, Stewart says she’d happily move her family and live away for a stint. For now, she’s enjoying some time at home doing admin and picking up the kids from school before she and Whiteley go back to the theatre. Although she’s learnt to live with the instability that comes with her craft – “this time around it isn’t unemployment, it’s preparation time” – the young Stewart who threw in a secure job in publishing to become an actor has never regretted her choice.

“The uncertainty in this industry keeps you honest,” she says.

“I never assume I’ll work again – every job has to count. There are plenty of people who are super talented who haven’t been as fortunate as I have, so I never want to take it for granted.”

For tickets and details about Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?, visit virginiawoolf.com.au. Read the full interview with Kat Stewart inside Stellar today. And for more from Stellar, click here.

Originally published as ‘I don’t want to pretend to be 39’: Kat Stewart on Offspring, motherhood and the need for more ‘complex’ roles for women